To think this wasn't managed well

[Sallywebsterneedsyourvote]

Name changed.

I am part of a group, and we all have children via donor conception. Some opted for this due to health concerns but of course a few are single women or same sex couples.

A good friend's son (age 14) was in an RE lesson where the teacher decided to have a debate on the ethics of this practice. This meant the poor boy had to sit for an hour listening to his classmates state what awful,
selfish people would do this

AIBU to think this was really poorly handled?

Also, if it is taboo, shouldn't we be talking about it more, not less?

YANBU. The teacher should have presented both sides more equally than it sounds like she did. If the whole class were all agreeing with the same side of the argument she should have been playing devils advocate. As a secondary teacher who has covered such topics as this, IVF etc in lessons I have to say it is rare to find a whole class agreeing how awful it is unless that as the way it was presented with only the briefest mention of the converse argument.
I hope my son never had to face this.

Quite possibly LRD but not in that way, at that time.

After all, when you invite opinions on something it is natural that some those opinions will be negative. I can cope with that but I don't think my child should have to :)

Quite a lot of the time people simply don't understand (why don't you adopt is the classic line) but there is certainly a sense that you are 'depriving' a child of his/her 'dad' in some way.

Debate on ethical issues is a core part of the curriculum, it's not personal.

The teacher probably didn't just decide - it's probably on the syllabus

Out of interest- did the teacher know?

No, but a crowd of teenagers indignantly stating how jolly selfish it was of your mother to conceive you could feel rather personal!

No, teacher won't have known. It's not something you tend to advertise.

Hmm, if you say so.

I think the teacher should be able to manage negative opinions without making a child feel bad. I would feel awful if it were a taboo subject where no one mentioned it. I really hope that's not how it generally is.

The thing is, all of these 'ethics' questions that are being mentioned on this thread may be topical for a student in a class. As a teacher, you'd be very unlikely never to have a student for whom they were 'live' issues.

No, teacher won't have known. It's not something you tend to advertise.

Um ... yes, but, for one of the groups of parents you mention in your OP, it is something you tend to make obvious! So, the teacher really can't hide behind 'oh, I didn't know'. He or she ought to be able to run a discussion like this such that it was sensitive to the possibility people in the class would relate personally to it.

Absolutely, and I quite see selecting a topic could be difficult. But I also can see how horrible it must have been for the child in question.

Which one of the groups, LRD?

Same sex couples?

I have a feeling people probably cotton on to the donor conception bit if you have two mums on the birth certificate!

Oh for fuck sake... how do you expect people to accept and deal with 'different' people and situations if they're not exposed to them.
In a class of 30 any one of them may be affected by issues raised... but discussions in class also might allow them to open up their views / even find out that others have the same issues etc

Kids aren't snowflakes- they're generally accepting of difference and ask probing questions that adults daren't

You're being utterly ridiculous

Almost any debate on an ethical issue has the potential to feel personal. Discussing abortion? Some girls in the room will have had one. Discussing drink driving? Some students will have alcoholic parents with criminal records for this. Discussing the death penalty for rape and murder? Some students will have lost family to murder or will have been raped. Facing both sides of all of these issues is part of growing up. You can't shield them from this.

YY, trifle.

We had a debate at school in yr9 on lowering the age of consent.

Looking back now there is something really off about a male teacher leading a group of 13/14 year olds in a debate about whether they should legally be having sex.

Absolutely Trifle and I've conceded that.

However I think some are likely to cause more distress than others. I would personally steer clear of abortion discussions.

Same sex couples don't all use donated sperm.

sally - I know some same-sex couples adopt, but I did actually specify 'on the birth certificate'.

Er, what?

What do they use then? Unicorn tears?

OP, I really don't think it is a good idea to steer clear of sensitive topics just in case someone has been involved in a situation to which that topic is relevant. Surely that is the whole point? These are real dilemmas that may have and may in the future affect these kids. It is our responsibility as adults to prepare them for the time when they will have to make these choices.

Yes, some adopt, but even those who 'grow their own' ;) don't all use donated sperm; quite a lot come to an arrangement with a friend.

It's still donated even if you know the donor!

Um ... yes ... that is still a donor, sally.

Yes - but trifle, there's "being involved in" and there's out of the blue a class discussion with the majority of the class indignantly stating your mother is selfish and your existence a crime against nature!

Anyway that's my personal feeling - I'd have felt very upset for my child had that been them.

But fair enough that others see it differently.

I think you'd be totally reasonable to be upset about that, sally. But that doesn't mean a discussion shouldn't happen at all, I think? It just means the teacher needs to do a better job managing it.