To have had such a reaction to this?

[Flowersinyourhair]

I was out yesterday with two women. One is a friend and the other is a friend of hers so an acquaintance of mine. The acquaintance is pregnant (around 5.5 months). All was great until just after we'd eaten lunch when the acquaintance says that she's going outside for a fag.

I'm sure my face told a thousand tales. I felt a wave of anger that this woman could be so blasé about it. Earlier in the conversation she had refered to how she has given up drinking due to the pregnancy so I couldn't understand why giving up smoking hadn't occurred to her.

AIBU to think that in 2016 with so much awareness about the damage that smoking can do to unborn babies it is madness that this woman, and so many more like her, are still puffing away.

In the interest of presenting the full facts here, my friend told me that the smoking mum to be hadn't made any effort to reduce her cigarettes and actually, when challenged, spoke of her right to smoke and the health of her previous child...

elodie2000 op says she doesn't know the woman, it is a friend of her friend.

YANBU. I would judge too she sounds like a silly bitch. And I say this as an ex smoker before anyone starts yapping about how hard it is to give up. Bullshit and pure selfishness.

I see all the smokers on here getting very defensive. I wouldn't have said anything because it isn't my business, but I would silently judge, and I suspect most non smokers would.

Those accusing the OP of being judgemental are judging her aren't they

It's difficult.

Ideally all drug addicts would be clean before getting pregnant, whether their fix is heroin, nicotine or whatever else, but as people said upthread it's a slippery slope to women being criminalised for miscarriage.

I'm a smoker and didn't smoke a single cigarette when pregnant. But I wouldn't judge someone who did. Nothing to do with you.

I would say something, like asking her about the help available to give up during pg and whether she had tried it and how effective it was. Then I would see what the response was and try to persuade her this was a really grim thing to be doing.

Nothing anyone else can do about it. It's her choice. It's her child.

Her body her baby her choice. Unborn babies don't have rights. If you are pro-choice, believe that women should have full autonomy over their bodies during life, conception, pregnancy and birth then you can't be getting angry when women exercise those rights.

Those accusing the OP of being judgemental are judging her aren't they

The op is perfectly entitled to have a personal opinion on the matter. No one is saying that smoking whilst pregnant is ok, but neither is starting a thread with a patronising attitude towards a woman she barely knows.

It's not easy to 'just give up', as most smokers know. I've known a couple who just put them down one day and never touch a cigarette since, but for most it's bloody hard. Not to talk about the after effects - your body still craves 'something' to make up for the lack of nicotine. I myself ended up consuming far more sugar and caffeine when I quit cold turkey. It's left me unable to shift my pregnancy weight and lacking the energy I used to have, as I'm constantly 'crashing'.

It's as if those who never smoked think giving up means you're suddenly a fixed person, with a clean, healthy body. The need to smoke is far more than just what's in the chemicals, and whilst they obviously are full of 'nasty things', quitting smoking (especially cold turkey) isn't always the solution to the problem.

This woman doesn't NEED to be supported. She NEEDS to stop. I agree with OP, She made a decision to smoke but someone does need to speak up for her unborn child who has no choice in the matter and will get the effects of her smoking.

As a non-smoker, I'd love to see an end to smoking, but respect that it isn't in any way my right to judge others. I've seen both my parents quit instantly (but only when they had health problems; mum has emphysema), yet my brother is having to do the gradual cutting down. I bought him a vaper to help, and he's doing well.

But they chose to stop, I couldn't have insisted on them stopping.

The thing is, she probably does know the risks. But for whatever reason, her addiction is so strong that she can't break it. You judging her serves no purpise but makes you feel better anout yourself. And the likliehood is, if she is one if those women who sadly loses her baby due to her smoking, you will never judge her as harshly as she judges herself. Msybe suggest E cigs as an alternative?

I think my face might have been a picture too before I had chance to fix a poker face. It makes me sad to see pregnant women smoking but it's their right to do so and ultimately none of my business.

A woman I met who smoked was told not to cut out smoking by her doctor because the body's reaction to the withdrawal might affect the baby

I was also advised not to give up smoking but to cut down. I had not long come off medication for bipolar disorder and the Dr was concerned about stress and withdrawal, particularly as I was high risk for postnatal psychosis.

No one is saying that smoking whilst pregnant is ok

Except some posters are saying that i.e "it's her body" etc. If she wasn't carrying a child it would be her choice to do what she wanted to her body but as she is pregnant it's selfish, pure and simple. In this day and age I don't see how she can claim ignorance for the damage that can do. Yes its hard to quit but that just isn't a valid excuse.

I'm a smoker, but never smoked whilst pregnant or breatfeeding.

Just after my second dc was born I saw a heavly pregnant woman smoking. I felt so angry I had to bite my lip as I actually wanted to shout at her. I literally felt rage. I blame the hormones. As I was shocked by my own reaction.

I don't get angry now. But yes I judge.

The last person I knew who smoked through pregnancy, also let her new born get sun burnt as she didn't put sun cream on because she wanted them to get a tan. Her other kids ran wild in the streets and by 3 (the sun burnt one) I nearly ran over because they ran across the road from between parked cars, because they were playing round block. the older (6 and 9) were supposed to be looking after them.

A few years ago i had an inkling some one I knew was pregnant as had stopped drinking, but was still smoking so I thought trying..but no she was pregnant. I personally think it is shame,.but you cant make parents responsible if they don't want to.

Helena actually at someone trying to "tan" a newborn baby! Seriously how stupid can someone be?!

The last person I knew who smoked through pregnancy, also let her new born get sun burnt as she didn't put sun cream on because she wanted them to get a tan. Her other kids ran wild in the streets and by 3 (the sun burnt one) I nearly ran over because they ran across the road from between parked cars, because they were playing round block. the older (6 and 9) were supposed to be looking after them. - Ahhh I see where you're going with this

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes, it is her body though. It comes down the black and white - either a woman's body is her own (even if carrying a foetus), or woman should be policed on their pregnancies, constant checks, repercussions for making choices that could harm their foetus. Once a baby is born, only then does it have rights, until that point it's still a woman's individual choice how she treats her body.

I didn't plan to get pregnant and I was still drinking and smoking till I found out the drink was easy the smoking took a little more effort thankfully it was one of the things that made me feel sick its been way over 16 years now but I still used the phrase"honestly some days I wish I hadn't quit smoking" last week its a bastard of a thing to get rid of

It's none of your business.

On reflection I don't think it should be a women's 'right' to smoke whilst pregnant but since it's not illegal it's a choice they're free to make.

Edmund we'll have to respectfully agree to disagree then as unfortunately it seems like some women do need policed on their bad choices .

Really, were am I going with it?

I'm sure not all smoking pregnant mums will be like her. But in fairness every time I see a pregnant woman smoking, they remind me of her.