To be so hurt?

[amammabear]

I've had quite a week so I'm feeling low to start with, but then something has really hurt me tonight.

Earlier in the week, the STBXH posted something on Facebook about his biggest regret being not dumping me "before the relationship really took off and asking out a girl at university". Now this has hurt me immensely, not least because he's basically saying he wishes our children didn't exist either, but of course it's really damaged my self esteem which is pretty crap to begin with. I feel like my whole life is a lie if I'm honest, and I've done so much for him over the years and then it's all completely wasted.

Then tonight I've been to a local event. Spent the evening sat with friends, then come home on my own. But the thing is, they haven't. They've all gone out for a meal together. Not only has nobody invited me, but the whole time I was with them, no mention of it was made at all, and they're clearly trying to deliberately hide it from me as they did mention it when they thought I was out of earshot, but I was actually just the other side of a door.

Now I know I'm already fragile because of what my ex did, but AIBU to be so upset by this? I'm absolutely devastated, I would try so hard not to exclude someone like that, and am often known to invite people to things they're not likely to want to do anyway so that they know they were welcome even though it's not really their thing.

Oh love, it's even shitter that you've known them for a long time
Had you mentioned being a bit skint or something and they didn't want to embarrass you by inviting you?
I'm clutching at straws to find a reason because you sound like lovely company!

If you are near Bristol I would happily keep you company!

Have you tried meetup.com - I have made some good friends through that.

Thanks feral unfortunately not 😢

Well if that option is there op then go for it ! Take some time for yourself and be around people that would love your company !!
Iv never been specifically left out (well not since school) but as a single mum in the past it was very obvious who my real friends were when I could no longer be available for nights out etc at the drop of a hat . Plus as my friends settled down etc often found some weekends to be quite lonely when they were busy doing things with their partners ( which is fine obviously ) but not much comfort for me tucking into my meal for one of a Saturday evening ! so I do get how you must be feeling

Blankpieceofpaper thank you, ironically, that's one of the areas where I do have friends! Lol

OP I really feel for you, what shit 'friends' you have and the ex is a twat!

You really should say something to your mates as if it was me I would stew on it until I had some sort of answer. You can then decide how you feel about it and them and if you want to continue any friendship with them.

I can imagine how hurt you must be right now but there are nice people out there waiting to be mates with you!

Clumsyduck yeah, sounds like me... I've just reheated some leftovers... Oh the excitement.

Visiting friends elsewhere for a bit does sound good actually.

There is something uniquely comforting about being with people who know you and get you... a sort of bone deep relief. If you have people who will treat you properly seek them out ... maybe a couple of times a month or whatever.

Don't let yourself forget what friendships are supposed to be like - don't normalise second-guessing and isolation. You are worth more than that.

That's horrible of your friends! Being singled out and excluded by people who are supposed to be your friends is one of the worst feelings. It's just nasty, they are not friends you should continue to maintain a relationship with. I'm sorry that they have hurt your feelings, they are a selfish bunch of cunty fuckwits. If you need a pint come meet me in Yorkshire

Haha yup that's definitely been me alThough I still often end up like that as now dp works away quite often .

I have a hobby which was the kick start to a good social life though I see these "friends" are from your hobby already , I wonder if there are other groups you could get involved in regarding your hobby? Or as you say maybe travel to see the other friends you mention.
Feel for you op , I will say though try not to take it as a reflection on yourself people can be bloody thoughtless !!

How often are they with Ex? I think that's a great idea! Friends don't need to be on your doorstep.
You can continue to use these people as and when you need them for your hobby, but concentrate on real friendships elsewhere.
I've said this before on here when people have been excluded after baby groups etc, just because we have a thing in common, be it a hobby, an item, a child, we are flung together by circumstance and often put ourselves under pressure to be friends with people you would otherwise not be that arsed with.
Don't say anything until you feel a bit stronger - and you will.
Some people are just fucking horrors, they really are

What a horrible time you're going through amammabear

I'd definitely mention something to your friends - personally I'd say something like "was there a reason I wasn't included in the meal the other night?" and see what their response is. Maybe the meal was arranged before they knew that you would be child free?

I assume you haven't been preoccupied with your STBX and perhaps mentioned it too much in their company? That would possibly make them less likely to invite you to social events.

I guess you won't know unless you ask them.

Good idea about using your child-free weekends to catch up with other friends.

Voodoo actually, I'm barely mentioning him at all in honesty unless someone else brings it up, you know specifically asks something like one of them this evening asked if I was enjoying the break this weekend.

Maybe they've always felt this way about me and I've just been too dumb to notice

You are not dumb! If you meet up regularly with a group of people who are chatty and nice to you, why on earth would you think there was a problem? This is not about you, they are the ones with the problem.
Can you tell us your hobby or would it be too outing?

Too outing I'm afraid. I've been running very close to that wire and I'm a bit paranoid.

No, that's more than fair enough-I just wondered if we could collectively come up with a wildly exciting new spin off version for you

Lol! Thank you. I'm feeling a lot better after talking to you all. It's going to be hard when I see them though.

Yes it is. But you've done a lot worse and come out the other side. You have the upper hand here, you have fresh eyes on the situation and can see who is or isn't a nice person.
And then you can come and have a main to us lot if it's difficult

Main = moan
Time for bed for me then....

I'm feeling a lot better after talking here, otherwise, I would have been going to bed in tears yet again. Thank you so much

They sound like shit friends. But don't get rid of them completely, relegate them to 'hobby friend' status and see them when you're not seeing 'real friends' or when you've got nothing better to do.

ironically, sobbing under my duvet is exactly what I'm doing.

I know amama, but choosing to see it in an excusable way will help you come out. I give people the benefit of the doubt, make excuses, and find lots of different people so I have options when someone lets me down. You have other friends too, plan something with them. Make more friends, even though you are not in the mood. If someone isn't interested, don't get upset and angry, just move on and look for someone who is.

It's quite possible that they are shitty people who don't care about you- but if that is how you decide to see it then you won't want to spend time with them at the hobby you are all in. Best to think they had their reasons, and let it lie.

Is it the same group where you got upset recently, and didn't get the chance to talk to someone as you had hoped? Maybe you aren't quite ready for that kind of socialising yet.

I go through rough patches, where everyone seems hateful, I'm ignored, left out, insulted... I plough through it because it is just how I see the world when I am down. Sometimes I stay home because I can't be bothered to pretend I'm ok.

The rest of the time it's fine. Mainly.

Thanks again everyone

And pklme that is very wise x

On top of everything else, I've just been on the bank and discovered my ex has screwed me over on child maintenance.