To be so hurt?

[amammabear]

I've had quite a week so I'm feeling low to start with, but then something has really hurt me tonight.

Earlier in the week, the STBXH posted something on Facebook about his biggest regret being not dumping me "before the relationship really took off and asking out a girl at university". Now this has hurt me immensely, not least because he's basically saying he wishes our children didn't exist either, but of course it's really damaged my self esteem which is pretty crap to begin with. I feel like my whole life is a lie if I'm honest, and I've done so much for him over the years and then it's all completely wasted.

Then tonight I've been to a local event. Spent the evening sat with friends, then come home on my own. But the thing is, they haven't. They've all gone out for a meal together. Not only has nobody invited me, but the whole time I was with them, no mention of it was made at all, and they're clearly trying to deliberately hide it from me as they did mention it when they thought I was out of earshot, but I was actually just the other side of a door.

Now I know I'm already fragile because of what my ex did, but AIBU to be so upset by this? I'm absolutely devastated, I would try so hard not to exclude someone like that, and am often known to invite people to things they're not likely to want to do anyway so that they know they were welcome even though it's not really their thing.

Your ex shouldn't of said what he did in Facebook, but you know his not very nice that's why your getting shot of him!

Your "friend" telling you what he said is shit stirring IMO, she must know your having a hard time and she what likes to kick while your down- she sounds like a dream

Have you though about joining some groups to make new friends to go with your new start?

Bloody face book again. Grrrrrr.
I hope youve blocked him.

Oh and your friends are about as much use as a used condom.

I feel so bad for you.. I have had similar things happened to me but not as bad as that x

:( I am sorry that you have to deal with so much at the moment.

Take care of yourself - allow yourself to feel fragile and give yourself all the time you need. Might there be a particular friend who might be more sympathetic who you could ask? It could be a misunderstanding. However, sadly people can be very thoughtless.

It is possible to make new friends ... but concentrate your energy on where it is needed at the moment.

Rnbrie yeah, because I heard it discussed when they thought I was out of earshot, definitely prearranged.

Facebookthing - he's your ex for a reason. Just pat yourself on the back for not being still stuck with the stupid thoughtless fucker!
Anyone who actually knows him and that he has kids will be thinking he is an idiot too.

The shitfriendsthing - that is so hurtful. I would be equally devastated at this. Are you slightly closer to any one of them to ask why?
Could it be possibly be due to something as simple as numbers of people needing a lift to the place etc?
Take a deep breath, and think about how you are going to make some lovely new friends. Ones who care about you. Do you have any hobbies/groups?
Sorry you've had such a shit time

My friend that told me about the ex was definitely right to do so as it will help with the divorce, and it wss better from her than any other way.

Fuck them all, I think we all go through times where we are hurt by friends and get left out of things. But your ex is hideous for writing things like that on Facebook. Stupid Facebook and its stupid people making themselves feel better. I had to get off it. I felt an urge to punch people at the comments they were making. Some people just use it as another tool for talking shite.

Sadly this is related to my hobbies. There aren't many other options round here.

Right now I'm just seriously considering mixing with anyone ever again. They only let you down.

Amammabear I really feel for you and completely understand why you feel so upset by your friends. Is there any chance they thought you might not be able to afford the meal? Are things difficult financially due to your current living circumstances and have you mentioned it? Were they trying to not embarrass you and in their efforts to do that, unwittingly cause such upset? I know things were very tight for me when I was in that position....

There has to be an explanation for their collective behaviour, there really has to be ( I really hope so)
Be brave and ask one of them, I'm sure it will help.

As for your ex, you're well shot of him. Complete tosser

Were they going out in couples op and so didn't think to include you as you were on your own

Either way it's rude . I'd never do this to my friends I always make a point of asking them even if it's not there type of thing etc because it's bloody horrible being left out

Amamma did you see my question about lifts? Could it have been that? Are you particularly new to the group too?

Likeahurricane that's the worst thing, it's the fact that it must've been a collective, discussed, plan.

Clumsyduck it was a mixture of couples and singles.

I agree with Sparkles, I'm not sure what purpose it served to be told this.As for your ex, he is a twat, he needs to grow up and start behaving more maturely. I'd expect a 15 year old boy to post something cruel about an ex, but not a man with children.

As for your friends, I'd be upset and disappointed too if I was excluded from something. There will come a time OP when you are bullet proof, youll shrug bad behaviour off easily or you'll be surrounded by people who bring out the best in you and don't treat you poorly. This does not appear overnight and after a divorce it's a case of rebuilding your life and prioritising your needs.At this moment in time you are so sad and vulnerable and will internalise bad behaviour, but it won't always be like this.Hang on in there, I'm sorry you've experienced this.

Feryl sorry, I'd already mentioned that, they will have gone in separate cars, the same as they arrived at the event I was at too, and also with my own car.

Feral and no, they've been friends for years. Even before the ex.

Insensitive shitbag ex. Probably trying to get in the "one that got away's" pants. I've had similar issues - then found myself deeply hurt by people who subsequently "like" his posts. I take it too personally even though I know it's like being a bloody teenager.

Your friends have behaved appallingly. Do you think they'd really be that mean? Or could it be a mix up?

I'm sorry. Wish I could invite you over for fat food and bad telly x

And they were always primarily my friends rather than his. His friends can damn well keep him.

I agree your friend was stirring. How do you think his FB comment will help you in your divorce?

He hasn't mentioned anything about your children -it's not the same thing at all. Knowing as he does now that his relationship would end in failure and pain, he is wondering what would have happened if he had taken another path and would that have been happier/more successful. That sliding doors moment. I think that is only normal to question that tbh.

sorry - I'm past my best tonight!
Then, they are simply absolute twats.
It's a positive that you know now, not years down the line.
Is there another, similar version of your hobby you could explore? What about one you've always thought ridiculous but would quite like to try?
Or are the kids part of any groups that you could chat to the parents? Sorry if I'm too dozy to notice if you've already mentioned this.

Honestly, my friend really wasn't stirring. She was so angry at him. I'm shocked that he regrets everything, but it's just proof of the situation.

No amammabear - don't say that. People are good mostly and don't let you down. It is probably the people you are mixing rather than you.

Also, thinking of your marriage as failed isn't very positive. He sounds like a very difficult person and you probably did very well to put up with him so long.

Oh feral, not dozy at all.

If I gave up on this though, it would also have a big effect on the kids, they've lost enough already.

Then that was definitely very shit of them op . Do you have ways to meet new people on your weekends that dc are with ex ? Socialise with other people and maybe make some new friends ?
That sounds very childish like I'm saying ditch them and get new friends like it's that easy but I mean just to widen your social circle a bit

I think I might need to start going away when the kids are with their dad. Go and see some friends who would actually like my company