To be annoyed that mother-in-law is doing my kids' Christmas stocking?

[Nickname1980]

Ok first world problem.

This is really bugging me and I think I am being unreasonable but I can't help it!

Anyway. I made my DCs' Christmas stockings this year, a bad knit job, but I'm proud of them as I can't make anything much. Anyway, yesterday, MIL says "oh I found my kids' old stockings! So I'm going to fill them up for your children on Christmas Day. You can hang them at the end of their beds in the morning" blah blah blah.

Immediately I replied "oh thank you" because I was surprised and I am basically a people pleaser and didn't want to say no.

She then said it would bring so much joy to her and her mother (their great granny) to do that together, that they've already started buying the gifts.

Then I told her that I'd already knitted the kids' stockings because I really don't want her to take over. She replied "oh well, these are heirlooms!"

Am I being mean that I don't want her to do their stockings? That she had her chance to do it when her kids were little and that it's my turn now?

She does a lot for us, and tries really hard, and utterly dotes on my DC. Am I just being totally selfish and should I let her do this?

I know. Total first world problems. I wonder if I should just feel lucky that she wants to be so involved?!? But I just feel a bit annoyed that she's trying to take over.

[GrubbyWindows]

In my family we have stockings for all, and everyone contributes. There is lots of hiding in different rooms in twos stuffing stockings and mysterious little deliveries to the other teams. I started contributing from about 15. We do stockings whenever a good combo of relatives are available, Xmas day, New Year's Day (mmm, hungover stockings...), or epiphany (v trad on the continent). MIL does giant sacks from santa on Xmas day and I DONT CARE because I know that a few days later I will get a chance at a "proper" (in my eyes) stocking.
I think life is easier if you let people do what makes them happy, and find a way to do what makes you happy too.
Poor old OP, she has a lot of replies to wade through here...

(Christ, Quinzel a sleigh???? Ack.)

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I don't think you are being unreasonable, Nickname1980 - this feels like your MIL is overstepping the mark.

I would ask her "Do you remember how much pleasure you got from doing the stockings for your children?' She is bound to say 'yes' - and you respond 'well I would like to have that pleasure with my children, and I am sorry, but this feels like you trying to take over as my children's mum!'

[dailymaillazyjournos]

I'm a grandparent but don't have the same issues as we aren't Christian. if the family were though I would give DGD presents but not make out they were from Santa. They'd be either in a stocking at my place for when they visited and told they were from me. Or if I were going to DD and family, i would take presents not in a stocking and again say they were from me.

I was able to celebrate traditions and festivals how I wanted when DD was growing up and i loved doing things my way to make them special for her. I want her to be able to do the same with her children. i will always buy presents from grandma but would never muscle in on Santa.

[crashdoll]

People get so angsty about this sort of thing. Meanwhile, there are millions of children who have (or had) 2 Christmases due to having separated parents and they manage to cope with it all without spoiling the Christmas magic and questioning Father Christmas.

[fruitandbarley]

I've never heard anything so ridiculous, I second happy50. Out of all the awful shitty things going on in the world be thankful that your kids have family interested, and love them. There's plenty that don't . Giving them 2 will make no difference whatsoever, kicking up a fuss about it will, as you'll cause hurt feelings.

[redfairy]

Jeez! All these awful Grandparents wanting to buy Christmas presents for their DGC. What calculating, fun sapping meanies they are!

[PortiaFinis]

Of course there are terrible things going in the world but that doesn't mean you can't get riled by small things going on in your world.

I totally agree with the poster who said about boundaries. the grandmother should ask - I really wouldn't want my children to have two stockings because DH and I think they already get loads for Christmas - and its okay for a parent to think that.

I really don't understand why the mother has to suck it up to not hurt the MIL's feelings when the MIL seems to have had so little concern for the DIL's?

[Qwertie]

Just because some posters don't think the Christmas stocking are important, it doesn't mean that people that do are wrong or heartless. The OP's MIL obviously found it very special with her owns DCs & the OP does too; she is upset about it potentially being taken away from her. I also find Christmas stockings fundamental to Christmas, I would feel the same.

[Goosewings]

OP, I think it's lovely that your DH has his old stocking back (I love mine!) I would say to MIL that you are so pleased she has found them and you will hang them on the end of your own beds so you can exchange presents with DP.
Say you have already bought your children's stocking fillers for their new stockings but perhaps you could squeeze one or two of hers in, or would she prefer for them to be opened at her house?
I would be the same as you if MIL wanted to take over DS's stocking- it's your turn for the magical fun bits!
I also don't think the children will get any more joy out of a second stocking than they would from extra tree presents. Or, if they are small perhaps a Christmas treasure hunt.
I also don't really see that MIL will lose out on that much joy either. I absolutely love buying presents for my nieces and nephews regardless of whether they are in a stocking or not.

[Scooby20]

Is this really an issue?

My kids have 3 stockings. One from pil that they get a few days before Christmas. As they live hours away.

One on the end of their bed from us (which are the stockings me and dh had when we were young) with a few gifts from us. The rest of the gifts are downstairs.

Then mum and dad come round Christmas morning with one for the kids.

It never occurred to me that stockings was something you can only have one of or that it's was exclusively the parents job. I am sure this is really easy to work around.

[Trifleorbust]

No-one thinks GPs are terrible people for wanting to do this - it is of course lovely that they want to do this. BUT it is also true that they have had the precious few years when their children believed in FC and they have had the chance to do it their way already. OP too will only have that chance with her own children. It isn't fair for MIL to steam on and try to have it her way with her GC as well as her DC. Simple fact that can be said without resentment of her as a GP.

[franincisco]

Scooby my thoughts exactly. It does seem though that the stocking itself symbolizes different things for different people. For me it was a vessel in which to contain presents. For others it seems to symbolize the magic of believing in FC/Santa. For me growing up all presents in my parents home were from Santa, not just the stocking ones.

[Horopu]

Someone else may have said this, sorry if I have missed it: knitted stockings are the worst. The more you put in them the more they stretch. You keep adding stuff but never ever fill them, it's purgatory. I used one once and never again, got my Mum to make fabric ones instead.

Good on you for making them though, I can't knit for toffee.

[Herecomedanotherone]

When I was a child, Father Christmas left a pillowcase of gifts at our house and a stocking at my grandparents' house. We always visited them on Boxing Day and were told the same thing every year - that some of our presents had fallen out of the pillowcase into the sleigh, so FC had found a spare stocking and left it at gps house on his way home. Never had an issue with it as children and it meant that both parents and gps shared in the fun.
Any reason why you can't agree to something similar?

[SILfoundmyusername]

Hell no!

She cannot do the sticking and you not do one. As a parent that's the best bit doing the stocking. Yours comes on Christmas Day.
If she wants to give more presents she can but on another day if she's doing a stocking and with an agreed story, I.e. Came back Boxing Day from FC, just from Gran etc.

Christmas Day stocking is for you, I would be upset if someone took that away from me, but they know how much Christmas means to me so there is no way they'd even suggest taking over stockings!

[SheldonCRules]

*I would ask her "Do you remember how much pleasure you got from doing the stockings for your children?' She is bound to say 'yes' - and you respond 'well I would like to have that pleasure with my children, and I am sorry, but this feels like you trying to take over as my children's mum!'

My response to that would be very sarcastic and along the lines of I'm sorry you feel that way, obviously us babysitting is the same so I expect you'll not be asking us to do that again either.

[SassyPants19]

I would tell her that after much thought, you have decided to give the children your stockings on Christmas morning and hers on Boxing Day. Don't give her the option, tell her how it is. No child is going to be disappointed by receiving two stockings!

[HandbagCrab]

There's no stocking tradition here so I find this very confusing! Does santa bring the stocking and not the other presents? We do santa brings the presents if you've been good, some of which are from santa. I'd be quite happy for someone else to take over buying and wrapping bits of tat for a stocking if we did them. Christmas is a lot of work why not let some elves do some of it for you!

[HighwayDragon1]

My ils AND my parents do stockings for dd, they go under the tree, and say "love nanny and grandad" on them..

[whirlwinds]

I am more then happy to share with pil and mother the chance to help create magic for dc, as I see it it is about the family and a day to share with eachother. If mil came along with ggm to make a stocking like this then dc would be getting 2 of them for Christmas. My gm was always fc while growing up in my family, none of us batted an eye. You are creating drama and tension, for what? The kids will not be harmed by an extra stocking at the end of the day, you have made them a special stocking for them, lovingly made for them, and their gps and ggm has made another one for them that is a different special, inherited. Both are good and honestly, the stocking(s) alone do not create the magic, you do, from start to finish, with decorations, cooking, baking, planning, creating the memories as a whole. Those stockings are only one small part of the picture.

[roundtable]

My late mil used to buy stocking fillers for the children.

I just said, "Oh great, thank you. I'll put them in their stockings with the stuff we've already bought."

Without knowing the background, I'm inclined to say she's just being kind. Use what you want to, leave the rest and try to keep in mind that at least she's trying to be thoughtful even if it doesn't quite match up with yours.

Don't let it spoil your Christmas though. It's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

[nagynolonger]

Nothing wrong with her and Grt Granny doing a stocking but it should be at her home not yours. If she is coming to you on Christmas Day she should bring it with her and hand it over as an extra stocking.

They are your DC and they should have your stocking to wake up to if that is the way you want to do it.

The heirloom bit always gets on my nerves. In our family Christening shawls and gowns have caused some trouble. Our adult DC decided to delay the Christenings until the babies were a year old so the MIL's family gown wouldn't fit.

It's lovely to be involved in the GC lives and to be there to help when needed. It's not OK to muscle in on the fun bits of being a parent.

[minisoksmakehardwork]

My inlaws do 'santa bags' for the dc from Christmas. The kids are under no illusions that it's nana and grandad really though.

I don't see the harm op except that she wants to pass them off as the santa stockings. So a polite 'I've done stockings for the dc but I'm sure they'll love to dive into yours when we visit' would suffice.

Dh and I both went to pains early on to explain that Father Christmas only visits the children's homes as we have our own ideas about how it should be done. We like the gift giver to see the joy and the children to know who has given them it. Passing off gifts from Santa (unless they're the stockings we've done) isn't going to happen.

[nokidshere]

Stockings from FC are surely just a means to children not waking parents at silly o clock on Christmas Day? Ours have socks/pants, chocolate, fruit, and some little toy that keeps them busy for an hour or so whilst they are scoffing chocolate!

All other presents come from the giver. I can't say I would have been bothered if someone else had wanted to fill a stocking for my two.

[Marynary]

I would definitely give them both the stockings. When my children were small, as far as I was concerned the more relatives bought them for stockings, the less I had to buy (i.e. save money). I must admit, I don't really get the possessiveness over buying presents "from Father Christmas" though.