to have taken DH to the pub?

[MrsderPunkt]

A bit of background. One of our friends called round earlier to drop something off. He asked if dh was going to see a band at a pub later - nothing special, just local band in local pub, happens every week or two. DH said 'I'll see if I can get my pass stamped' - basically he'd go if he was 'allowed'. This was mentioned twice in the conversation. This sort of thing irrationally pisses me off - a bit like the 'is dh babysitting?' - err no, he's home with his own children!

So, we'd just finished watching something on tv with the kids - band is due to start in 30 minutes, so tell the kids to get shoes and coats as we're dropping dh off (live 5 miles away) and he says he doesn't want to go and no intention of ever going. Which makes it look as if I've not 'stamped his pass' and allowed him to go.

Why couldn't he just say no to the friend? - I'm buggered if I'm going to be fake reason that he didn't go, and the butt of their jokes, so insisted that he went - kids were telling him to hurry up, so off we went.

So there we are - was I unreasonable to take him?

And I should add that he couldn't drive there as he'd already had a drink, and I have baseline grumpiness due to illness so less humour than normal.

Did he get the point ???
Maybe you should have hung a sign round his neck saying "my wife said I could"

Good for you. What a patronising remark.

Maybe he'll think twice before using you as an excuse. Well played

Oh God my husband does this. He's become a home body in his middle age and often doesn't want to go out drinking/carousing with his long time best mate who is single (and a hellraiser). But instead of saying no he will blame me for having the hump about it or being out myself (when I'm not). Makes me look like a shrieking harpie/pussywhipper ! I'd be quite happy for him to go out!

Good for you for calling him out on it. Plus you've got an evening without him and he's getting an evening out which you can use as leverage for when you want a night out!

I dunno the cynical git in me says the friend, the protests etc were all engineered to you would positively insist on him going.

But if you usually don't care if he,goes or not then I'm probably wrong.

Good for you.
Too many use DW as an excuse when they just don't want to go out.

He did get the point - he told the kids in the car that he'd said something that he shouldn't - ds then innocently made him feel worse by telling a story about having to give away a match attacks card because f something he said 'by mistake' - well done ds! I just wasn't sure if IWBU due to grumpiness, but it appears not

I would have just said at the time that of course he could go, then the friend would know it wasn't you stopping him. I do feel howeverbthat to drag the kids out and almost force your DH to go to the pub when he isn't fussed, just to prove a point to someone else, is a bit strange. Who gives a toss what the friend thinks . Massive overreaction.

Well done you op! It is incredicbly frustrating to be painted as the bad guy when you honestly couldn't give a fuck if they go out or not. Basically he took the easy road of making you look bad in order to avoid taking any personal responsibility for the decision to stay home.

Well bloody played

Why didn't you just say at the time yes go and have fun then friend would have known you were fine and dh a wimp for using your as an excuse

Well done you!

God, reminds me of when DHs friend asked me when I was going to 'let' him go on their annual beer festival trip.

I try and persuade him every year but he never wants to go.

I did say at the time 'just go' but would've looked pissed off because of what he'd just said. Asking to go out is something that just doesn't happen. Because he hadn't said no, I'd assumed he was going until he said he wasn't after the kids had gone for coats.

Well bloody played I couldn't put my finger on exactly what I found so odd about this situation, but that's it right there!

If you are happy playing ridiculous games OP then well done, you are a winner

Bleh, I can't stand it when men do this. Grown men who don't have the balls to say no to their friends, how do they think that saying they need permission from mummy their wife makes them look good?

If my partner wants to play silly buggers with me, I'll damn well play to win. No glory in taking the high road, you just come out looking as shit as they've deliberately painted you.

My DH does this, it's so annoying! Two occasions that spring to mind are when I (rightly or wrongly) was reading his texts and saw that he said it was the anniversary of my fathers death so he had to cancel. Another time he left a night out early and told his friend I had a big argument with my brother and was really upset (totally fabricated) his friend asked me about it cos he suspected he was lying!

Good you you. His an adult ffs and if he doesn't want to go out he should say not blame dw.
It would drive me mad, luckily dh just says if he doesn't wish to go out but then most of his friends know I don't care if he goes out do no point in him blaming me really

I think you have been had...the lady doth protest too much and all that.

Women do it too btw! A friend of mine has just texted to say she can't make our girls' night because her dh is going out. Her dcs are 13 and 15 ffs and we're going to a restaurant a 10 minute walk from her house.