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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the headteacher has screwed me over?!

105 replies

PriscillatheKing · 16/11/2016 13:07

I reported something going on in DDs class. Nothing major but not something small and silly.

Head spoke to the children and called the parents in and she told them it was me who reported it?!

Why would she do that? Surely she could have just said "we've had a report?!"

It's gone down like a lead balloon at school.

OP posts:
misshelena · 16/11/2016 13:45

Teacher shouldn't have done that. On the other hand, if what you have reported is really something that should be of concern, why are you dreading pick up? Wouldn't parents be relieved that someone spoke up?

AcrossthePond55 · 16/11/2016 13:45

Pretty good way of keeping parents from making complaints, isn't it?

Maudlinmaud · 16/11/2016 13:47

It's too hard to call this one because we don't know the context.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 16/11/2016 13:47

I'd be fuming. It's very unprofessional of the HT and I'd be emailing to say how disappointed I was and she has made your life in the playground quite difficult with the other parents involved. I also wouldn't be going to her with a problem in the future if this is how she behaves.

scotslass76 · 16/11/2016 13:59

If it's a valid concern ( and I'm sure it is if you were compelled to report it), surely you will have the support of some of the other parents. That said, the head has not acted sensibly and should not have disclosed your name! I'd be horrified too if that was me!

JosephineMaynard · 16/11/2016 13:59

Sounds very unprofessional of the head teacher.

It's difficult for me to imagine a scenario where a teacher couldn't just say "a parent has reported this" to the children rather than "miniPriscilla's mum has reported this"

Original poster
PriscillatheKing · 16/11/2016 14:01

I honestly wish I could give you the context but it's the kind of nonsense that would end up in the DM! Children had been copying something they had seen on TV. Something inappropriate (not sexual). I told DD to stop it. Other kids carried on and DD too i suspect.

I called the school as they weren't aware and I wanted to make sure DD had also stopped it. Head escalated it way over what was needed and then told children it was me who phoned.

Parents were outraged in the playground at heads actions (and didn't yet know it was me that called).

Think I might just get this thread pulled. Not because of response but you're right you can't make a call without context and I don't want to say what they were doing.

OP posts:
scotslass76 · 16/11/2016 14:08

Head should have dealt with it with the kids and never mentioned your name. I'm sure you've done the right thing in reporting what was going on, particularly if your own DD was involved.

TeenAndTween · 16/11/2016 14:10

So to clarify

  • the children were doing something you considered inappropriate that the school wasn't aware of
  • you informed the school, who presumably also considered it inappropriate so they have banned it
  • other parents are outraged

I would say if anyone moans at you that you that you had concerns so rightly raised them, any action taken by the school was down to them.

Ginmummy1 · 16/11/2016 14:13

I think it is possible to respond without knowing the full context.

A parent (you) made a complaint about a relatively minor issue. This got to the Head somehow (either because you asked it to, or because someone escalated it. It doesn’t much matter which).

The Head had two choices:

  1. To disagree with your complaint, in which case the Head should have spoken to you about why she wasn’t going to do anything about it.

  2. To agree with your complaint and do something about it, such as speaking to the children and telling them not to do whatever it was.

I can’t see any reason why the Head would have mentioned your name. If the children were doing something wrong, the instruction should come from the teacher or the Head or whoever. The identity of the person making the complaint is irrelevant at this point.

IMO the Head was way out of order and you should complain – again! Good luck.

teatowel · 16/11/2016 14:16

Surely if it was inappropriate behaviour the other parents will be pleased you brought it to the Heads notice? Why would they be cross with you? Wrong for her to mention you though.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 16/11/2016 14:18

I agree. All the head needed to say was "it has come to my attention that this behaviour is happening" etc etc.

No need whatsoever to mention any names.

i would complain too.

Footyfan16 · 16/11/2016 14:22

If it is something that you find so inappropriate, then why would you mind your name being in the frame for reporting it?

This makes no sense.

If they are copying something they have seen then it's hardly you having a dig at other parents?

Why would they be upset with you for reporting it?

RortyCrankle · 16/11/2016 14:24

I know nothing about schools - no children - but the head's behaviour seems totally out of order. I would be inclined to e-mail her saying how inappropriate it was to tell the children it was you who brought the matter to her attention, especially since you had specifically asked her not to mention it and that in future, you will contact the governors directly in the hope that they are more able to keep a confidence. I wouldn't let the matter rest until I had told her how I felt about her actions.

In the meantime, hold your head up high - you have nothing to feel bad about.

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2016 14:26

Ah, jeez don't threaten her with the governors.

Look what's done is done. None of us know why she did it, or even if she did it or a teacher did, or even if you're a moany mummy and she's just had enough. If the complaint was valid the other parents will support uou and uou did a good thing, I'd leave it there.

mythbustinggov · 16/11/2016 14:30

I'm Chair of Governors at a large Primary and if this was bought to my attention I'd investigate and if true, I'd be having a strong word with the Head. It's totally inappropriate to give names in this context.

mythbustinggov · 16/11/2016 14:33

Bluntness

My concern would be that the Head is not behaving appropriately with regard to confidentiality in complaints and should be reminded of the correct process to avoid future problems. I would also suggest an apology was due, if the circumstances warranted it.

annielouise · 16/11/2016 14:33

I bet if you get an apology it'll be along the lines: "I'm sorry you feel I was inappropriate/unprofessional...", i.e. a non-apology.

Lalsy · 16/11/2016 14:35

I can't think of amy context that would make it OK to mention your name, OP. I would have thought the head should have protected you by saying "reports" plural or some such. This is what would happen in any organisation I have been involved in I think, whatever the context. To do other is to place a massive barrier to people raising concerns and I would worry about why the HT is trying to do that.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 16/11/2016 14:43

I think OP's problem is that the kids are doing "A". They enjoy it/think it's funny/etc and OP has come along and said "A" must be stopped. OP now looks like a killjoy. Other parents who've let it go feel OP is indirectly judging their parenting.

So HT was clearly in the wrong, but I guess if no-one else has a problem with "A" I can kind of see why the HT didn't want to be in the DM with a 'how-dare-the-school-ban-this' headline.

JellyBelli · 16/11/2016 14:51

Its not hard to call this one, the Head should have been professional and not mentioned your name.

loobyloo1234 · 16/11/2016 14:53

Like playing conkers? Confused I really don't understand what the 'thing' is to be able to make a properly informed decision

Still seems a bit off that the head would mention your name though

BlackNo1 · 16/11/2016 14:56

Sounds petty and deliberate.
I would email head, cc governors and just basically drop a line saying how surprised you were that your name was mentioned, it is unprofessional etc especially as you had requested for name to be withheld. It puts your DD in a position. Suppose she is picked on because of this? Angry

Emailed concerns should be logged/recorded so at least that way someone higher up knows about it.

Parents have been known to email our school head with a cc to the governors. But our head has form for this sort of thing and is, to put it frankly, a dick.
Lovely school and staff (except for him) and we just can't seem to rid of old rubbish.

I would draw a line under this by a polite, short and to the point email.
No handbags at dawn required, you are acting as a concerned parent.
If your DD is young then you both have a good few years being involved with the school. You don't want this happening again.

botanically · 16/11/2016 14:58

Are they dabbing and you think the origins of the move are related to cannabis and the headteacher thought you might be right but the other parents haven't made that link at all?

YeOldMa · 16/11/2016 15:00

Are you sure your head actually mentioned your name? Is it possible that your daughter knew that you thought it was inappropriate and guessed that you were the complainant so told her friends. The Head overheard/was asked if it was you and then when you emailed her not to say it was you, told you that the kids knew. She may not have actually said your name at all but not outrightly denied it was you.

As to parents being cross with you, I expect some will be, some won't be. At least you know who has the same values as you.