to think the current trend of hen and stag dos is ridiculous?

[FRETGNIKCUF]

Seriously.

Hen dos in Spain for a week?

Stags away to somewhere in Europe or Las Vegas for a weekend?

What happened to gathering with friends and getting drunk the weekend before you get married?

Why does this generation of narcissists, who cannot afford mortgages, think their guests should spend a fortune of forced fun for a weekend, abroad?

I hate this trend.

Apologies my key board is skipping words and letters.

I only ever hear about this on here! It sounds very expensive and daft but the bride can do what she wants, equally no-one should feel obliged to go.. same with weddings abroad.

There's something very "reality star"

Yep I think the same.

Rolopolo83 - I agree to an extent - although if there's a long gap between when everyone else got married and then you do, there's a chance that lifestyles have changed so that what was affordable (both in terms of money and time) no longer is. In my case, I could easily find £500 for a long weekend when I was mid-20s, and had a generous holiday allowance which I could use for a day here or there and it really not be a big deal. Now, I have 2 DCs and am a SAHM, I have a monthly disposible income that's around a 1/3 of what it was then, and as DH works a lot of weekends, it's not just my availability that matters for working out if I can take a long weekend - DH needs to be able to stay off work to look after the DCs.

Next year, the last of my unmarried friends is getting married, I'm going on her hen do (long weekend in the UK), but now it's a stretch, when the same amount or more on other friends' hen dos wasn't something I needed to save for, plus DH will have to book the time off as well.

dinosaursroar I don't disagree with you about that - those are very valid reasons why you can't attend someone's hen! But not attending due to financial or childcare issues is one thing, thinking the bride is a "narcissist" for having a hen weekend is another. I meant more that those who have hen weekends shouldn't complain about others doing the same, I didn't mean to come across as these people should be obliged to attend everyone else's.

I think generalising is very bad form. Personally I wouldn't fancy an afternoon tea party, although I'm sure it is lovely, and would be bang up for a girls weekend away.

So I think it depends on the bride, who her friends are and what they can afford.

Being nasty about folks not coming is a different thread entirely, but I see nothing narcissistic about a weekend away and no correlation with mortgage payments, that's s bit off in my view.

So yes, unreasonable in my view.

My friends would be expecting a hen do away for a few nights because it's any excuse to get away.

I'm having a cheapo meal and few drinks in a local restaurant. If they want to go away they'll have to think of another excuse.

I agree Bluntness

YABU and very judgemental. Not everyone enjoys the same things as you do OP.

I enjoy going on holiday with my mates, we've been on loads over the years. A hen do is just another holiday together. I'm not friends with twats, so no problems with arguments/awful activities/bridezillas etc.

Oh and I saved up for a deposit and have a house...

I love being invited to things. Some people are just miserable. And oh to have a life where you actually have the time and inclination to worry about how other people spend their hen and stag do!

Yanbu - hate hens or weddings abroad. Mine was a Saturday in the city where I live

It's not that easy to say 'don't go then' if it's close family or friends. I'm not going to my sisters as can't afford it but it has been very stressful and awkward making that decision and the whole thing has spiralled massively out of control

Dh has been invited to go to see Gun n Roses in Bangkok for 3 days for a stag! He's more than welcome to go but he knows that if he does I'll be having my own mini break!

What is dislike about these big extravaganzas is that it puts pressure on family and friends to give up their holidays and money for things. It's the height of entitled in my opinion.
A friend had a friends one, a family one, a big engagement party and it all felt a bit like she was wanting to be some kind of start of her own MTV series.

If you've got the sort of circle where people have money and regularly do that kind of ladies who lunch/holiday etc then that's fine. It's not to be judgey.

But if you've got friends family on small ish incomes doing their best then adding additional pressure on them is just bratty.

Indeed.

I had a picnic, a little go on a boat and a nice meal out - that was enough for me.

Lovely and intimate and happy. What else is needed? All these seem a bit worship me, give me money, pamper me.

Yes darling you're getting married. So are 1000s of others this year.

I love these threads.

Everyone thinks their humble little hens were the best fun ev-ah. Not like those simply awful hen weekends.

YANBU
I know someone who, on her third marriage, has had their third round of hen dos FFS

I love these threads,.

The bridezillas who have so obviously had extravagent multi-tiered hen do's in the past always come out on the defensive.

I've never even been married!

But it's such a MN thing. 'We sat on park bench and shared half an egg sandwich. Everyone said it was much better fun than a hen weekend'.

I married 20 years ago, it certainly wasn't the norm then. As my friends and I were all mid-late twenties there were a lot of engagement parties/hen do's/weddings around the same time (certainly over a period of about 3 years). We all had different wedding styles (mine definitely cheap n cheerful, right up to one friend from quite a well off family married in a cathedral!) yet we all had similar hen do's - meal out somewhere nice but not Michelin star then drinks in a pub/club.

Maybe it's my age but I think it's unnecessary to expect people to give up time, annual leave, organise childcare possibly to travel hundreds if not thousands of miles to celebrate your impending wedding. It's a very recent thing to my mind and possibly tied in with Facebook/reality tv culture.

And no it's not always easy to say no if you're closely related to the bride or in the bridal party there's a level of expectation and SOME brides do get really nasty if you don't go to EVERYTHING!

I've never been married either but still think the OP is BU

It's up to each person how they want to spend their hen do and its up to each guest if they want to go

Put it this way, you're invited to 2 hen do's:
1 - Hen Do in Spain, you're told 9 months in advance, and it costs £400 (£45 a month to save)
2 - Hen Do in UK, you're told 3 months in advance, and it costs £240 (£80 a month to save)

Providing you're given enough warning, I really don't see the issue. Go or don't do. But don't judge another on how they want to enjoy theirs with their friends

I can also see how it COULD have an effect on long term finances if you're attending several a year over a period of a few years. People often don't realise how it all adds up.

Looby I couldn't afford anywhere near those amounts and in the current economic climate, even among my professionally employed friends I know very few who could.

Trying to think if I've heard of anybody sitting on a park bench and sharing half a sandwich for a hen do.
Nope.

I may have used a little artistic licence. So sorry for having confused you.

Sitting on a park bench with a bottle of cider? That could work.