Not to want more friends

[Realitea]

Dd goes to school. I take her there, I pick her up. I get on with my own life in between. I dont see it as a place to build new friendships. Ive got my friends already. A couple of parents want to meet up all the time and I am saying no every week. I work and im busy and im exhausted all the time. I just dont know what to do now. Ive explained how busy I am but its falling on deaf ears. I am very friendly, im talkative and nice I just dont want to make new friends.
Aibu?

Jist keep saying no and they will get the message eventually. Nothing wrong with yours or their approach OP. Maybe the trick is to not be so chatty and friendly as you're giving them the wrong vibes!
My mum never befriended other mums and I didn't miss out, I had my own friends. Parents aren't responsible for their kids social lives.

I'm happy being an island though Patriciathestripper, I'm friendly but I don't see my daughter's school as an extension of me. I'm not there to make friends I'm there to drop dd off and pick her up.
I think your advice is right Msqueen, I should be a little more stand offish. It's hard though as I'm really bubbly! I just like my own space. I hate having to commit to things, its just stress

I agree with the PP that it's important to get to know the other parents a little bit, otherwise you'll be in a position of your kids wanting to go to sleepovers in houses you've never set foot in. I think it's important to connect with other parents so that friendships can be facilitated, and it helps to have a few numbers incase you get stuck for a pick-up etc..

That said, I also make sure I keep it at friendly-aquantance at least for the first year or two, if you delve in too deep straight away you can end up involved in school-gate politics and silliness or maybe with a cling-on, I prefer to stay at the edge of that somewhat

Be on the phone when you come into school realitea and wear sunglasses at every given opportunity. Failing that, spread a rumour that you are a husband stealer. That'll do it!

(Joke... well, the husband bit anyway.)

I'm happy being an island though Patriciathestripper, I'm friendly but I don't see my daughter's school as an extension of me. I'm not there to make friends I'm there to drop dd off and pick her up

Is your daughter happy to be an Island though?

If your daughter wanted my daughter home for tea, and I didn't know you at all, I wouldn't be so keen. And certainly not for a sleepover. I need to know the family a little bit, and ideally have been in the house for at last one cup of tea before I'll say yes to a sleep over invite!

I don't think YABU. Worst thing I ever did was become friends with other parents at DD's school. It ended up being like a witches coven & DD felt forced into being friends with their kids because of me. Once I broke away from that & just allowed DD to have a friend over for tea & make arrangements only for that it was easier for me.

I completely understand your post OP. I'm often told that I'm not a "typical mum" whatever the hell that is.

This.

"That said, I also make sure I keep it at friendly-aquantance at least for the first year or two, if you delve in too deep straight away you can end up involved in school-gate politics and silliness or maybe with a cling-on, I prefer to stay at the edge of that somewhat"

Wise words, this should be sent out to every parent upon signing up DC's to school.

A T-shirt for such occasions

I have no problem having kids here for tea or whatever but do the parents have to stay aswell? That's where I find it odd. My child's social life isn't mine. I pick my friends very carefully, partly because I have a bit of social anxiety and feel happier sticking with the few people I've known for many years who I feel totally relaxed with. I don't see them that often, maybe once every few months but that's the right balance for me.

Oh baggy I love this... I want one that says, "no, I dont fancy a cuppa!"

Love that t shirt! haha

YANBU. I feel similarly. But personally I would make some effort, as your DD presumably does need friends. The other parents might not actually be on the lookout for friendship either, just trying to get to know the parents of the kids that their DC hang around with.

Realitea, no, you dont need to socialise with your kids parents. I dont. We are on 'friendly smiley terms' yes. And I will always check in with parents of DC's new friends first before I agree to anything.
But we have managed very well for a while without socialising, besides, my kids change friends like they change their underpants, I would not have time or care to befriend every single parent.

Same as Mandy & Mary here. I moved into my area 4 years ago. Locals are all very sorted, with friends and family nearby.
I just can't get in to social circles, and have now pretty much given up hope.
I spend the time I have free half heartedly doing housework, alone (during nursery times)
It's incredibly lonely.
Don't worry OP, they will get the hint soon and stop hassling you.

Oh and there is nothing worse than having a parent friend, who your DC is getting bullied by or has fallen out with, but they just think the sun shines out of their own precious snowflake's backside and you then feel obliged to have over at every given opportunity.

OP I understand but in a different context, for me it's work people. I don't even want to go out at lunch, I take a shorter break when I can in order to get home earlier. The same people ask about lunch - they've given up on me for after work drinks luckily - and they've been asking for several years! I go about four times a year but only because it's work. Really I'd like to wear that t shirt! I don't have kids but friends with kids have this problem too.

They are very sweet but there's not enough time as it is to do all the stuff you need and want. Adding in unnecessary acquaintance socialising...argh. Just keep smiling and saying thanks when declining, what else can be done?

Sorry, 'their DC over'

In my mind it's always possible to make time for others if you want to.

Why are women always expected to make time for others? No one ever seems to expect it of men.

I know women are more likely to main child carer but it's galling nonetheless.

You are entitled to your own life OP, and I can completely see your point of view.

On the other side are those like me who are so lonely and join clubs etc. only to be ignored and left out by those who have enough friends/family. It makes me feel suicidal [having a particularly awful day] but of course it isn't the other persons fault or responsibility.

Just people mismatching.

isn't it best to make an effort eg playdate parent friends for your DD though?

Is your DD 4 years old? If so, I would engage a little. Playdates in the early years are often done between parents who are friends. They form their own friendships later, but it might be years before they socialise without a lot of impact/ ferrying/ chaperoning by you.

I do understand OP. There have been times in my life where I have met people who I know could be friends but I just don't have the time to put into cultivating that friendship. I have a lot of friends from various parts of my life and it is hard to keep up with the ones I have let alone making new ones. However I think you can have different levels of friends. You could meet up a few times with these people and that doesn't mean you have to be BFFs, it just means you will know them a little better.

I've always worked on the basis that good relations with school folk pays dividends: it facilitates friendships, keeps you informed and involved and it's always handy to have someone to rely on in a sticky situation.

As a result over the years I've formed some great lifelong friendships.

I find it very odd when people describe themselves as outgoing but then state they don't want new friends. Life is not static. Meeting new people is interesting. You can never have too many friends - they don't all need to be people you have dinner with every month.

It's because you're being friendly. Just stand slightly apart and stare into the middle distance/at your shoes, make no effort to speak unless someone speaks to you first - worked for me and didn't seem to impact on dcs social lives.

Thats so sad to hear lukas, I am pretty lonely too as it happens, but after some really bad experiences with school gate friendships I no longer have the energy or interest in doing it all again. The grass isnt always greener, Hence why I come here, where I can be as flakey as I want, or down, happy, jokey etc. I know its not the same but it gets me through knowing that I can pick and choose my conversations when and with whom I choose.

Hope you find a special friend soon x