Trifecta of urgh: a new born baby, MIL and an incontinent elderly dog.

[MumofChuckie]

I'm close to due date, will have a newborn baby over Christmas. MIL keen to know when we'all be visiting, but she understands there is no set date and it will be when we're ready.

The PiLs live at the other end of the country, but we've offered to do the journey than have them come to London (they're competent but elderly). Yes it will be a pain with a new baby in a car journey or train journey but we're going to just make it work.... somehow.

MIL says on the phone last night 'I'm glad you're coming and not us leaving the dog. He's lost control of his bladder and bowels and it wouldn't be fair to leave him'.

This is news to me and the thought of taking a new born to a house with dog wee and poo continually trickling everywhere sounds, well, fucking awful.

What to do?

Part of me thinks suck it up, keep everything as sterile as possible, don't not visit the new grandparents.

The other part of me thinks I'm not commiting to taking a new born on a very long journey, with a battered fanjo, mastering the art of breast feeding to a house covered in dog crap.

(Fully expecting to be flamed. Please note I have a dog myself, and despite many comments on my weight, I a lso don't mind my MiL)

[MumofChuckie]

Thanks everyone. I totally understand I'm coming over as suffering from PFB syndrome. And I do have heaps of sympathy for the dog. And the MIL for having to deal with it.

But they aren't brilliantly clean and tidy, and apparantky the wee and poo is a sort of continual trickle as opposed to 'accidents'.
But as some of you have pointed out, it's all manageable with a newborn.

I hadn't even thought of how I would cope with the journey, be it a 6 hour drive or 3 hour car post birth. At best it would be about three weeks post birth, at worst it could be days. All depends on nature doing its thing of course, but I didn't even think about the bleed, leak and sit on cushion donuts in the privacy of my own home.

At least there'd be three of us in nappies I suppose.

[pictish]

I mean if you don't want to make the journey and be away from home with a new baby then don't go...but don't pin it on the dog.

[littlefrenchonion]

Honestly? Pooing dog aside, make no plans until the baby is here. Just... trust me on this.

[pictish]

Ah I didn't realise it would be quite so soon after the birth. When you said you were due soon, I thought you meant imminently.

I think six weeks post labour is a different kettle of fish to three weeks post labour. Lots of new mums are still pretty raw after three weeks. Things tend to have improved somewhat by the six week mark

On the other hand you might recover quickly and be more than ready to show of your new bundle of joy.

Can you play it by ear this year?

[Laiste]

To be honest, once your new baby is here the dog and his bowel problem will fade into nothing in your mind!

Much more important will be how you and the baby are. Feeding, sleeping, energy levels, health, bleeding, hormones, boobs, stitches ... all these things may still be causing problems making travel impossible well into Jan (or indeed could be over with within a week of the birth of course, every birth is different).

Play it by ear and don't make any firm promises to anyone!

[Laiste]

Lots of ear playing from me and pictish

[MumofChuckie]

Pictish I think that's exactly what I'm going to say next time I get asked about my plans for visiting. Poorly poo dog aside, I'm not going to commit to anything.

[JagerPlease]

The thought of taking my 12 week old on a car journey that long makes me want to weep as he only hates the car seat slightly less now than when he was tiny. If you're lucky you may be pain free enough to sit in a car that long yourself but my DW certainly wouldn't have been and she didn't have an overly traumatic birth. If you absolutely have to go I would suggest the train - that way feeding and changing can be done on demand, you can get up when you need to etc

[Nanny0gg]

You also won't want to travel (bearing in mind the amount of time a new baby should be in a car seat) in bad weather, far too stressful.

If they can't get a dog sitter then they may have to wait a bit to meet their new DGC. You making the trip sounds impractical all round.

[paddypants13]

I think you can buy nappies for dogs in Pets at Home. I think they're for bitches in heat but they might do as a temporary thing?

My last became unreliable with toileting as she got older and I was fine with it. (My dog, my responsibility and of course I loved her to bits) Having said that I would not want someone else's incontinent dog in my house.

Hope all goes well with the rest of your pregnancy op.

[paddypants13]

Just realised I totally misread your post.

I would play it by ear. After dd I didn't feel up to much for about 8 weeks. With ds I was fine the next day. See how you feel.

[metaphoricus]

FWIW I wouldn't make any set in stone arrangements until the baby is born. You don't know how you're going to feel, or how often the baby will need feeding, or how well s/he settles and the myriad other things you will have to manage. Tiredness is the worst. I'm wondering if this is your first child? (I don't mean that in a patronising or rude way)
With the best will in the world, you may very well just not feel up to the extra pressure.

I wouldn't be going at all. Not a chance. No way.

[FourKidsNotCrazyYet]

I'm a massive germ-a-phobe so it would worry me but I would still go, it's easier with a newborn than a crawling baby. As for the journey that'll be fine. My hubby got posted to Germany when we had a 5 week old. That's a 12 hour road trip. Just plan regular stops and lift the baby out of the seat, sit in the back with her to keep an eye on her. We still regularly do long trips from Scotland to Hampshire and my kids are all brilliant travellers. Good luck and enjoy

[lucy101101]

There was no way I could/would have done that trip 3 weeks after any of my three births.... but I know that lots of people feel differently. Honestly, you really need to see what state you are both in. I personally wouldn't be dragging a baby around the country. If MIL really needs to see the baby urgently she needs to organise a dog sitter and travel down (and stay in a B&B so you aren't hosting!).

[BathshebaDarkstone]

I've never had a trifecta of urggh! Urggh once at a time is bad enough!

[j0j080]

If you have a vaginal birth I think you would be very lucky to feel up to sitting for a long car journey days after birth, I wouldn't have been fit for it for several weeks afterwards. You also mentioned breastfeeding, newborns feed little and often, my son fed nearly all the time for weeks and weeks. It also takes most folks a while to figure out breastfeeding, it's only a lucky few that baby latch on and everything works perfectly straight away. It is a skill that mum and baby both need to learn. That, coupled with the very recent advice to limit car seat time to 30 minutes or so could see a 6 hour car journey become a 10, 12, 15 hour car journey. I wouldn't entertain the idea for a second. The dog situation would bother me much much less than the prospect of that journey with a newborn.

[JaniceBattersby]

"Oh dear, oh dear MIL. Just look st this new advice about not keeping babies in car seats for more than 30 minutes..."

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/using-car-seats-more-30-9243044

By the time the baby is old enough to travel, the dog may be no more.

[sparechange]

What Janice said... the timing of the car seat advice is your friend here...

[AlexaTwoAtT]

"LizzieMacQueen

The dog if elederly and in pain might be better put to sleep, is that something your DH could suggest to them."

What a vile thought. Luckily you don't own this pet. I am disgusted.

[Pineapplemilkshake]

Are you sure you're not using it as an excuse to avoid visiting them? It sounds like something I would do.

But in all seriousness, I'm sure MIL doesn't want dog mess all over her floor either and is managing it, I imagine she'd have the dog in an enclosed area to avoid this? Either way, I'm sure with appropriate hygiene measures a non-mobile baby would not be at risk.

YANBU though to want to stay at home with a new baby. I'd hate to have to travel with a young child at Christmas.

[whoopitywhoopitywhoop]

I think doing that journey within a couple of weeks of giving would be challenging. Even if you have a great recovery and an easy baby (as I did) the first few days can be challanging as a first time mum. Also you will be having regular midwife appointments (every few days) for the first couple of weeks after birth. 3 weeks after birth - hard but maybe possible. 3 days post Birth not so much. May be worth managing expectations now!

[MikeUniformMike]

I don't think it is a good idea to take a newborn baby on a very long car journey. Offer to visit the ILs at Easter instead.

[pictish]

Yes...tell them you'll play it by ear then. Say that you can't predict what stage or state you're going to in at Christmas, so if it's all the same to them would they be ok with leaving it open ended?

I had a baby five days before Christmas and went nofuckingwhere.

[GloGirl]

Our in laws live a 4 hour car drive from us, when we visited we took baby out of her car seat probably every 50-60 minutes, Just gave her a cuddle, lay her straight out for a rest. I had my DD 4 years ago so the car seat advice is not new - midwife was pretty insistent and when I mentioned how on earth you do a journey she just said "regular stops".

Wasn't quite so PFB when I visited with my second baby but probably had one or 2 stops on the way.

I agree 0-3 months a much better time to visit a dog with incontinent shits than 4 months plus when they need to play on the floor or want to chew things like cushions when they dive bomb off your lap.

I'd probably buy out the stock at Pets at Home cleaning wise and also take loads of hand gels etc.

[sparechange]

political
The car seat advice has been revised after research and the new recommendation is now 30mins max in the seat in any one go and no more than 2 hours a day in total
This seems to be evidenced based...