Trifecta of urgh: a new born baby, MIL and an incontinent elderly dog.

[MumofChuckie]

I'm close to due date, will have a newborn baby over Christmas. MIL keen to know when we'all be visiting, but she understands there is no set date and it will be when we're ready.

The PiLs live at the other end of the country, but we've offered to do the journey than have them come to London (they're competent but elderly). Yes it will be a pain with a new baby in a car journey or train journey but we're going to just make it work.... somehow.

MIL says on the phone last night 'I'm glad you're coming and not us leaving the dog. He's lost control of his bladder and bowels and it wouldn't be fair to leave him'.

This is news to me and the thought of taking a new born to a house with dog wee and poo continually trickling everywhere sounds, well, fucking awful.

What to do?

Part of me thinks suck it up, keep everything as sterile as possible, don't not visit the new grandparents.

The other part of me thinks I'm not commiting to taking a new born on a very long journey, with a battered fanjo, mastering the art of breast feeding to a house covered in dog crap.

(Fully expecting to be flamed. Please note I have a dog myself, and despite many comments on my weight, I a lso don't mind my MiL)

[Heirhelp]

Yy to the change in car seat advice. It is not advised that babies under 4 weeks should only be taken on essential journeys.

[Cantgetmyoldnameback]

There's nothing whatsoever 'vile' about considering having an elderly and in pain pet put to sleep! In fact it is often the kindest option.

[MissVictoria]

An incontinent anything would stop me visiting anyones home.
The dog will continue to do the things it's always done, so if it gets on the sofa, jumps up at people etc it will still do this regardless of its incontinence. With the kitchen being the typical room to not be carpeted the dog if it is confined, will likely be in there, where all the food etc is, that creeps me out thinking about it. I wouldn't keep food in my bathroom despite the fact nobody pees etc on the floor ,cabinets etc, but it's still unhygienic. Don't assume it's on its last legs either, my friends dog has been bladder incontinent since before her kids were born, and one is now 5! They considered rehoming her before their DD was born, but realistically knew nobody would adopt an incontinent dog and she'd be left rotting in a kennel.

[ollieplimsoles]

When your baby arrives you wont want to go even more op.

Dont go.

[LifeLong13]

I read this as incontinent MIL......

[MrsMook]

Play it by ear. I wouldn't have been up to a long journey within a month of my CS or tear. I was knackered from sitting in a 2.5 hr journey 6 weeks after a CS. A month after the tear, I could just about face sitting on something other than an ice pack.

It may be coincidence, but the evening I had a 3 month old baby at A&E with erratic breathing was the day that we'd done a two hour journey, had several hours visiting then two hours return (although it was humid and hayfever weather too). It is well worth stopping and getting baby out of for regular stretches at services. Some journeys are better for this than others. Motorways are better than A roads for the opportunity.

Incontinent dog and young baby is better than crawler, although you've bought back traumatic memories of waking up on the floor after a hen night to find the mother's incontinent dog attempting to hump my head. His legs were short too. Bleugh!

[LizzieMacQueen]

"LizzieMacQueen

The dog if elederly and in pain might be better put to sleep, is that something your DH could suggest to them."

What a vile thought. Luckily you don't own this pet. I am disgusted.

Eh? I don't see what is wrong with that and I'm not the only poster who is suggesting that the incontinence may be down to an impending end anyway.

[DiegeticMuch]

Don't make any promises. You really don't know how you'll feel.

Obviously you'll need to let them know before they go food shopping, but that won't be for several weeks yet.

The dog may not survive the next month, poor thing. I don't think he's the biggest concern anyway.

[sarahnova69]

Yeah my answer has been changed a bit on reflection - how soon after birth you will be travelling and how far you need to go. I was one of those annoying people who was on my feet again straight after the birth (kind of never off them actually) but I was fucking exhausted from sleep deprivation, which reached its nadir at the 3-4 week mark. You'd be better flying, surely? Flying with a breastfed newborn and a sling is quite straightforward. That said, I don't really think the dog has much to do with it. Play it by ear but be prepared to plan a later visit.

I'd also negotiate to have the dog nappied for the duration of your stay if you are going, and to keep them confined to an area outside of where you and the baby will mostly be.

[harderandharder2breathe]

The dog isn't really the issue as a newborn won't be around it and no danger of it crawling into any mess. As long as everyone maintains good hygiene which they should anyway it's not a big problem for you

However I wouldn't commit to anything until after you have the baby and see how you feel, pain wise and emotionally, whether you're up to the journey and stress of being away from Home.

[sparechange]

political
The car seat advice has been revised after research and the new recommendation is now 30mins max in the seat in any one go and no more than 2 hours a day in total
This seems to be evidenced based...

[GloGirl]

Our in laws live a 4 hour car drive from us, when we visited we took baby out of her car seat probably every 50-60 minutes, Just gave her a cuddle, lay her straight out for a rest. I had my DD 4 years ago so the car seat advice is not new - midwife was pretty insistent and when I mentioned how on earth you do a journey she just said "regular stops".

Wasn't quite so PFB when I visited with my second baby but probably had one or 2 stops on the way.

I agree 0-3 months a much better time to visit a dog with incontinent shits than 4 months plus when they need to play on the floor or want to chew things like cushions when they dive bomb off your lap.

I'd probably buy out the stock at Pets at Home cleaning wise and also take loads of hand gels etc.

[pictish]

Yes...tell them you'll play it by ear then. Say that you can't predict what stage or state you're going to in at Christmas, so if it's all the same to them would they be ok with leaving it open ended?

I had a baby five days before Christmas and went nofuckingwhere.

[MikeUniformMike]

I don't think it is a good idea to take a newborn baby on a very long car journey. Offer to visit the ILs at Easter instead.

[whoopitywhoopitywhoop]

I think doing that journey within a couple of weeks of giving would be challenging. Even if you have a great recovery and an easy baby (as I did) the first few days can be challanging as a first time mum. Also you will be having regular midwife appointments (every few days) for the first couple of weeks after birth. 3 weeks after birth - hard but maybe possible. 3 days post Birth not so much. May be worth managing expectations now!

[Pineapplemilkshake]

Are you sure you're not using it as an excuse to avoid visiting them? It sounds like something I would do.

But in all seriousness, I'm sure MIL doesn't want dog mess all over her floor either and is managing it, I imagine she'd have the dog in an enclosed area to avoid this? Either way, I'm sure with appropriate hygiene measures a non-mobile baby would not be at risk.

YANBU though to want to stay at home with a new baby. I'd hate to have to travel with a young child at Christmas.

[AlexaTwoAtT]

"LizzieMacQueen

The dog if elederly and in pain might be better put to sleep, is that something your DH could suggest to them."

What a vile thought. Luckily you don't own this pet. I am disgusted.

[sparechange]

What Janice said... the timing of the car seat advice is your friend here...

[JaniceBattersby]

"Oh dear, oh dear MIL. Just look st this new advice about not keeping babies in car seats for more than 30 minutes..."

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/using-car-seats-more-30-9243044

By the time the baby is old enough to travel, the dog may be no more.

[j0j080]

If you have a vaginal birth I think you would be very lucky to feel up to sitting for a long car journey days after birth, I wouldn't have been fit for it for several weeks afterwards. You also mentioned breastfeeding, newborns feed little and often, my son fed nearly all the time for weeks and weeks. It also takes most folks a while to figure out breastfeeding, it's only a lucky few that baby latch on and everything works perfectly straight away. It is a skill that mum and baby both need to learn. That, coupled with the very recent advice to limit car seat time to 30 minutes or so could see a 6 hour car journey become a 10, 12, 15 hour car journey. I wouldn't entertain the idea for a second. The dog situation would bother me much much less than the prospect of that journey with a newborn.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

I've never had a trifecta of urggh! Urggh once at a time is bad enough!

[lucy101101]

There was no way I could/would have done that trip 3 weeks after any of my three births.... but I know that lots of people feel differently. Honestly, you really need to see what state you are both in. I personally wouldn't be dragging a baby around the country. If MIL really needs to see the baby urgently she needs to organise a dog sitter and travel down (and stay in a B&B so you aren't hosting!).

[FourKidsNotCrazyYet]

I'm a massive germ-a-phobe so it would worry me but I would still go, it's easier with a newborn than a crawling baby. As for the journey that'll be fine. My hubby got posted to Germany when we had a 5 week old. That's a 12 hour road trip. Just plan regular stops and lift the baby out of the seat, sit in the back with her to keep an eye on her. We still regularly do long trips from Scotland to Hampshire and my kids are all brilliant travellers. Good luck and enjoy

[metaphoricus]

FWIW I wouldn't make any set in stone arrangements until the baby is born. You don't know how you're going to feel, or how often the baby will need feeding, or how well s/he settles and the myriad other things you will have to manage. Tiredness is the worst. I'm wondering if this is your first child? (I don't mean that in a patronising or rude way)
With the best will in the world, you may very well just not feel up to the extra pressure.

I wouldn't be going at all. Not a chance. No way.

[paddypants13]

Just realised I totally misread your post.

I would play it by ear. After dd I didn't feel up to much for about 8 weeks. With ds I was fine the next day. See how you feel.