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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no kids at our new years eve party/partners birthday

54 replies

harrypotternerd · 15/11/2016 06:59

My partners birthday is on new years eve. My kids go to their dads house at 3pm on new years so from 3pm onwards we are child free. We decided to have a new years eve party/birthday party in the evening. Most of our friends do not have children however we have a couple that are coming who are always babysitting their nephew so his mother can go out and party. Most of our events are child friendly due to my children attending, however this year my partner and I are wanting a child free event as it is the first time since being together we will be child free for his birthday/new years. We mentioned this to our friends who were ok with it but now our friends sister is complaining to them, saying they cannot babysit so she cannot go out with her friends. She also sent a message to both my partner and me telling us to allow her child there because she wants to go out. What we are planning has alcohol involved and I do not feel comfortable with a young child (he is 18 months) being around that. My partner got quite annoyed at this child's mother because it may mean that they cannot come. What would you do? would you allow this child to come so that our friends can come (they are very close friends) or be firm in what we said about no kids?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 15/11/2016 07:02

It's not your friend's child, it's their nephew! It's not you who needs to be firm about no children...

Scooby20 · 15/11/2016 07:03

I would keep it as no kids.

If you friend backs down and babysit their nephew that's up to them.

PetalMettle · 15/11/2016 07:03

I was going to say yes, but then read a) most of your friends don't have kids and b) the ones who have a childcare issue it's not their child! So no yanbu the Child'S mother is in expecting to be able to offload her dc on childless relatives on nye. They should stand up to her and tell her to order a babysitter

Original poster
harrypotternerd · 15/11/2016 07:03

Thank you! This woman has made me feel awful, like I am doing something wrong. We very rarely get child free time so we want to relax and have fun :)

OP posts:
ByeByeLilSebastian · 15/11/2016 07:05

Yanbu. It's up to your friends to say no.

PetalMettle · 15/11/2016 07:05

If you've shipped your own kids out you don't want to be running around after someone else's and 18 months is prime havoc causing age. She has 7 weeks to find a sitter

DonaldStott · 15/11/2016 07:05

Well you have invited them, they can choose whether to look after their nephew, or attend your party. It's totally down to them. You do sound rather judgemental about friends sister though. Although I cannot believe she has text you demanding that her son attend. But I wouldn't. End the no kuds rule, for one 18 month old baby.

ginnybag · 15/11/2016 07:05

So, hang on... this isn't the child of the couple in question but a child they babysit?

This isn't your issue and you shouldn't change your mind. You might even be doing your friends a favour, but that's not your concern either.

Your friends are the ones with a choice to make, not you. They can babysit, or they can come to your party, but not both.

DonaldStott · 15/11/2016 07:06

*bend

Original poster
harrypotternerd · 15/11/2016 07:09

I will admit our friends sister annoys me greatly. My partner knows the whole family (they grew up together) and she is always dumping her child on relatives and friends and goes out to party and disappears for days at a time.

OP posts:
Rainydayspending · 15/11/2016 07:11

Texting you to change birthday plans of a siblings friend? How old are you all? that's utterly crackers!
Tell your friend that the party isn't for children. Your friend needs to make some firmer boundaries. It's unusual for aunts/ uncles to have babysat by that age once, let alone as the norm.
How often is always? Is there something else going on? It's odd all round and reminds me of my friends who have now formally adopted the husband's grandchild.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 15/11/2016 07:15

So you have to give up your plans for the night for someone else - a relative of a friend of yours - to be able to go out? Nope. Stick to the plan. Not your problem. You are not being selfish, she is. If she doesn't have a babysitter for a night, that's her problem. She is not your friend.

If it were the only night of the year she went out I may be more interested, but instead it's the only night of the year you can have this gathering, so crack on!

OliviaStabler · 15/11/2016 07:20

Just say firmly no kids. Your friends can make the decision to babysit or not.

Have fun! Wine

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/11/2016 07:22

If your partner knows the 'whole family' that implies there are more than two of them so someone else can suck up babysitting duties on NYE or the mother can watch her own DC. But it's not for you or your friend to organise.

SerendipityPhenomenon · 15/11/2016 07:26

Tell her to ask the hosts of wherever it is that she wants to go to to make their event child-friendly. None of this is your problem.

Lilaclily · 15/11/2016 07:28

She sounds unhinged
Stick to your plans, don't let her push you around

Normandy144 · 15/11/2016 07:30

What does your friend say about this? I think her and her husband need to get a bit of backbone here and say to her sister, that they've been happy to babysit in the past, but this year they have plans on NYE and they can't. Alternatively can you tell a white lie and say that plans actually involve you all going out for dinner?

TheFuckitBuckit · 15/11/2016 07:35

No you are not being unreasonable, not only is it NYE it your DPs birthday!

Stick to your guns, it's unfair of anybody to expect you to accommodate their child for selfish reasons when you have a child free night.
It would be different if it were your friends child and would not be able to attend otherwise, but it's not so don't feel guilty.

NoSunNoMoon · 15/11/2016 07:38

YANBU. No kids means no kids. Enjoy the party.

PlumsGalore · 15/11/2016 07:41

I suspect your friend is glad of an excuse why she shouldn't be sat in babysitting on NYE. I can't believe the cheek if some people, don't give it a second thought, not your problem.

Greengoddess12 · 15/11/2016 07:47

tell tout friends it's their decision but no kids.

Mum sounds unbelievably cheeky

Roussette · 15/11/2016 07:53

What we are planning has alcohol involved and I do not feel comfortable with a young child (he is 18 months) being around that
That sounds a bit pious! There is nothing wrong with someone having a drink and an 18 month year old being there! (6 of us good friends used to party on NYE and put our DCs to bed when they were all little, it was the only way we could have some adult fun time.)

However, I agree with you. Why don't you make the party a posh do... cocktail dresses or whatever, that way it'll be obvious kids aren't welcome. Go ahead with what you want for your DPs birthday.

KC225 · 15/11/2016 07:54

I would be so embarrassed if a relative I babysat for text/emailed my friends. The woman is shameless. Like others.have said, she has seven weeks to find a babysitter or make plans to celebrate at home.

Do your friends know she has contacted you?

RachelRagged · 15/11/2016 07:55

No OP YANBU at all .

Hope your party goes well , have fun.

OnionKnight · 15/11/2016 07:55

YANBU, I'd tell her to get a grip and find some other mug to look after her kid.

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