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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ex is should stop calling children "son", not by first name?

87 replies

layercake9 · 14/11/2016 21:28

My ex has been constantly referring to both ds1 and ds2 as "son" instead of by their first names. It just doesn't sound right. Years ago he would call them by their first names, which are really lovely names, but for the past 3-4 years he insists on calling them both "son". It's as if he has completely forgotten their names or the fact that we named them the day they were born.

He sees them every 2 weekends and in between visits we'd facetime him regularly, so I often hear the following cringeworthy lines:

How are you, son? Let's go, son. Please eat your dinner, son. Please turn the telly off son. Please do your homework SON. Well done SON. Shall we go to the park, SON? Goodnight SON. Bye bye SON. SON SON SON.

When either of our ds's takes part in a race or sporting competition, the ex would bellow across the field, "Come on SON!!! You can do it SON!! Well done SON!!! Keep going SON!!! I'm so proud of you SON!!!" Everyone would stare at him in disbelief.

ds1 and ds2 have cried many times over this because they feel it is so embarrassing.

I've asked him politely to call them by their first names but his argument is that since it is considered unacceptable for children to call their parents by their firstname, he thinks he should therefore call them "son". What a strange theory.

I searched online for forums or discussions about this but simply couldn't find any related topic. Instead, there are thousands of articles on how children should not call their parents by their first names.

AIBU? Is it normal for parents to call their sons, "son". And what if we had a daughter? Would he call her, "daughter"?

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 14/11/2016 22:16

I have 3 dds and regularly get names muddled including pulling in names of our pets but I still love them. I also use pumpkin, poppet and sweetie.

Feels like you're looking for something to be annoyed at ex about.

60sname · 14/11/2016 22:19

My DH and his father both call their boys 'son' (as well as their names). It's a term of affection.

clumsyduck · 14/11/2016 22:19

I doubt people stared in disbelief and if they did it would probably be more the bellowing than the word son itself

I sometime refer to ds as son along with another affectionate nickname and his actual name which shockingly I have not forgotten despite not always using it .

OonaLoona2 · 14/11/2016 22:19

Yabu
I think your boys have a father who spends time with them and Skypes them in between visits and goes to their sports day etc etc.
Pick your battles op. Be happy that they have an involved father. Let him call his sons son.

teenyrabbit · 14/11/2016 22:19

Oh god get over it.

They are his sons.

Presumably you only call everyone by the first name and don't use any other names?

Sometimes I call my son baby, or a nickname, or little boy, or baby bear etc etc. it doesn't mean anything, it's not derogatory and it's definitely not because I've forgotten his name!

Pick your battles.

Original poster

layercake9 · 14/11/2016 22:19

Yes I know I ABU. I thought I'd come on here to see if it's normal or not and the general consensus suggests that it is. Of course he knows their names - I was being cynical

OP posts:

triphazard · 14/11/2016 22:20

I think it sounds lovely myself.. I can imagine hearing it a soft yorkshire accent very endearing and I would have loved my dad to be like that with me. I am a girl, but you get the idea.

His reasoning is very odd though so you are not BU about that, but he shouldn't actually need a reason. Maybe he was being sarcastic when asked to justify himself?

I guess I can see how the boys might feel they are just a generic son to him an perhaps they want to feel he sees their individuality. Perhaps more so if they don't live with him, but if it isn't this, then yes I agree they are picking up on your (strange) dislike.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/11/2016 22:23

YAbVU you cannot control how he addresses his ds, son is op perfectly normal, despite you not liking it.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 14/11/2016 22:25

My DS is called son by his Uncle, his Grandad, his football coach, his friends dad. It's just a term of affection used by men towards younger men/boys. Not a problem at all.

user1479139212 · 14/11/2016 22:29

What on earth are you talking about? It's completely normal!

The parents stare in "disbelief" and your sons cry over this, really?

You sound hard work and waaaaay OTT.

llangennith · 14/11/2016 22:29

YANBU. I think it's ridiculous but the important thing is that your sons don't like it. Understandably they want to be called by their names.
Tell him how unhappy it makes them. Ffs it's not difficult to use your children's names.

amy85 · 14/11/2016 22:35

My ex has a tendency to do this too and it drives me barmy...he also calls his sister sister or sis instead of just using her name...I just don't get it

MulberryBush12 · 14/11/2016 22:37

YABU it's a Northern UK term of endearment. I like it

HomeShapedBox · 14/11/2016 22:41

Completely normal to call your son "son" me and DH both do it, as do our families.

Calling your sister "sis" however is cringe

One of my relatives kids was ALWAYS referred to as "the boy" as in "where's the boy at today" "just been for a meeting with the school about the boy" now THAT annoyed me

KimKsButt · 14/11/2016 22:56

I have a friend who does this and it really grates on me. Hard to explain but its the way she says it. If she talks about him she'll use his name but when she talks to him she says son every.single.time!!

TheNaze73 · 14/11/2016 23:02

YANBU. It sounds like the equivalent of a feral cat, pissing in a garden to mark his territory

stonecircle · 14/11/2016 23:04

My mum and dad always called me 'pet' (northerners). It was a term of endearment as is 'son'. It always felt a bit stiff and formal when they used my name.

I can't for the life of me think why anyone would stare at someone for using 'son'. I also can't believe children would get upset by it unless the idea had been planted in their minds that there was something wrong with it.

Witchend · 14/11/2016 23:10

I use terms of endearments more often than real names I think. I do try not to call them "darling" in front of their friends. But I call ds "Mister" quite often and he doesn't mind (at least he's never objected). He does object to "Sweetie Pie" though so I only use that when he's being unreasonable . It focuses his frustrations elsewhere to a very good effect.

Mindfields · 14/11/2016 23:24

Maybe they should start calling him by his name instead of 'Dad'.

That'll show him.

Seriously though, quite a few people do this and it's perfectly normal even if his reason for doing so isn't (though I suspect he's just winding you up there).

iminshock · 14/11/2016 23:32

That's what I call both my boys.
If my ex told me to stop it and use their names I'd think he had lost the plot

Bluebolt · 14/11/2016 23:36

The only time my Dad used my first name was when I knew I was in the shit. I was always princess, even in my thirties.

BadKnee · 14/11/2016 23:46

Ex DP uses "son" for DS - we all like it. (Scots). I call both DCs a range of names including poppet, love, darling, lovely boy, lovely girl and when they were little everything from little chap, wee lassie, sweetheart, little darling ..

I wouldn't worry about it OP .

honeyroar · 14/11/2016 23:53

It sounds like it mustn't take much for you to get wound up with him. I feel a bit sorry for your ex. There are much worse things he could do. If the children have really cried over this you must have put the idea that it's embarrassing in their heads with your reaction.

angelikacpickles · 14/11/2016 23:56

I don't think it's normal behaviour at all! Not unusual to call a child son occasionally, but to never use their first names is extremely odd.

PutDownThatLaptop · 14/11/2016 23:58

FIL always calls DH 'son' and my DF used to do this with my DB.
I had a colleague who used to address his child as 'boy' and that never felt quite right.

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