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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how many single parents you actually know

138 replies

cuibozo · 14/11/2016 17:36

And age(s) of their children?

I was thinking today, I don't know any. I know a couple who split from their kids' dad and have a new partner and child(ten) though.

So how common is it?

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 14/11/2016 21:46

I know plenty of single parents, but I am the only one in my close circle of friends.
I've been single - by choice - for eight years.

Cakeycakecake · 14/11/2016 21:47

More than I care to count. I work in a childcare setting though. It's really not uncommon. I feel quite proud that I raised my eldest alone. Youngest has fathers involvement so I don't feel like I'm raising two alone, not quite.

fakenamefornow · 14/11/2016 21:57

Not many, about 3-4.

Almost all the parents I know are married and only have children with their spouse, no other children in the family. I'm mid 40s and live in a very middle class village. I grew up in a really deprived area, much more single parents (always mothers, often young, never married) there.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 14/11/2016 22:15

I know 7 or 8 who are single (although some have had relationships, just not long-term ones) and a couple who have been single for a while, but have a serious relationship, although not necessarily living together.

My middle DC was going through our split at the same time as two of his friends, so had understanding and support from them. My other DCs know a couple of other single parent families - DS1's GF lives with her mum and and doesn't see dad at all.

In my family we are unusual, both my siblings are married to people they met as teens, our parents were also happily married all their lives. In XH's family there is a divorced couple, but one of them has remarried, the other remains a single parent.

It's not exactly the dream for any of us, but the whole stigma is surely a thing of the past. Now that women are able to work and support themselves and that sometimes it's married couples who are the subject of 'benefit bashing' I would hope that people wouldn't treat us any differently to before. I certainly haven't noticed any bias.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 14/11/2016 22:15

including myself 9 around my age

I am the only one I know who has been single from pregnancy (split up just before I found out I was pregnant)

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 14/11/2016 22:18

and ages all about 12-15 now but we split up 5 years ago, so they were mainly 7-10 at the time.

MyPeriodFeatures · 14/11/2016 22:22

jinglejess yes! If you are happy to see each other once or twice a month I could be pursuaded by a clapboard house in Reykjavik

I'm thinking, as there are lots of women who don't know any single mothers, we could offer a cultural exchange or for the socially concious but divided types, a sponsorship programme.

Your donation could provide 1 single mother a monthly:

Complication free night of casual sex
Extra pair of handy hands for those tricky baggage and child laden trips
A cup of tea in bed

In return you'll get a monthly letter detailing the lows of tax credit applications and a personal account expose of what it's really like living in a house with no one to regulate your trips to the fridge and biscuit tin..

lightsandresistance · 14/11/2016 22:26

I was thinking of this the other day as my Facebook friends list much be disproportionate.

14 of my 18 Facebook friends are or have been single parents.

3 of the fourteen have remarried and had further kids.

When I met them they were all in relationships or married including me.

Kids between 6 and 15.

Llareggub · 14/11/2016 22:31

Me. I'm a single parent. My DCs are 10 and 7 and it has been this way for 4 years now. I know quite a few; mothers at school etc but I only have one other friend in my situation.

My children are with me 100% of the time and I work full-time in a well-paid job. I realised quite how fortunate I am the other day when my other single mum friend were wondering if we could reduce our outgoings by sharing a personal trainer.

I have no interest in finding a partner. I am personally very happy with my situation. I have a couple of male friends that satisfy my need for sex/romance from time to time but I couldn't imagine someone moving in.

MyPeriodFeatures · 14/11/2016 22:35

Llaragubbe. Perhaps you could start some kind of subscription empowerment course and sell lessons? You sound like you have it all nailed.

I'm only a year in and have yet to nail the finances and the 'one or two male friends'

Next years goals

PortiaCastis · 14/11/2016 22:37

OP may I ask why it matters?

AmberEars · 14/11/2016 22:40

OP said on first page that she is worried about her DC feeling left out.

ToastieRoastie · 14/11/2016 22:41

I know only a few SP - 3 of which I am one. DC don't know anyone else who lives between two houses. It made me feel a bit shit when I separated tbh, that DC were the odd ones out and had no friends in similar situation.

I read the stats of divorces, single parents etc and wonder where they all are because I'd like to find some single parent friends to hang round with.

I wonder if it's because I live in an expensive area. House prices have shot through the roof - I know one couple staying together as they can't afford to seperetely rent in the area if they split. Neighbours also split as soon as their DC went to uni - sold their house and bought a small flat each.

DisneyMillie · 14/11/2016 22:46

I know 2 and I was one but now married with another dd. However if you'd asked me 5 years ago the answer would have been none. I'm mid thirties.

Llareggub · 14/11/2016 22:56

Myperiodfeatures - hang in there! It has been a bumpy road and I can't swear I have it completely nailed, but generally I don't run out of milk and we've not been late for school yet!

There's a lot to be said for not sweating the small stuff. I probably should have tidied and cleaned this evening but instead we went to the gym and after eating, played a board game. The kids went to bed a bit later than usual but we had fun and I got to sit on the sofa with The Walking Dead for a bit. I prioritise family time over cleaning.

As for the men, well. Tinder, POF, it isn't that difficult to find them. When you are ready pop over to one of the dating threads. It was bit of a brutal shock to me after so many years of marriage!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 14/11/2016 23:15

myperiod Not so sure about the offer of casual sex to a single mother as I'm a straight female Grin (but at this rate, with the number of feckless tossers out there, my head could be turned) but I'm up for the clapboard house and I'm good at making tea.

I'm about six months in. Not as scary as it was at first, although I swear I've become scattier.

Also, I've seen photos of the ice caves which look incredible. And of course, Bjork and their 'kooky' Christmas traditions. Let's take over Iceland!

PickAChew · 14/11/2016 23:17

I know a few. The ones who have re-married did when their kids were late primary or older.

BraveDancing · 14/11/2016 23:20

Off the top of my head, 4, I think. But that doesn't mean much. Just because some thing doesn't happen so often in your social group doesn't mean it doesn't happen or isn't common.

PortiaCastis · 14/11/2016 23:21

Jess you're a novice I've been on my own for 7years and still he won't leave me alone. Just had to borrow money from my Mum to get an injunction against the bastard.

user1471467667 · 14/11/2016 23:25

over 50. we are all single adopters

RedTitsMcGinty · 14/11/2016 23:37

From my antenatal and postnatal groups? Only me.

People I know in real life?
Around 10.

People I know online?
Loads!

Today is a year to the day since I found out STBXH was cheating on me. I'm single and I'm dating but I'm not in a relationship. I can't see that happening any time soon - I don't really want it and, logistically, it would be too difficult. And I don't trust anyone anymore.

Alabastard · 15/11/2016 00:25

I know several. Myself included. We're not that rare.

hungryhippo90 · 15/11/2016 08:51

It's kind of strange with the group of people I know, everyone who I know of my age 25/26) with children, aren't with the father of their first born, a lot have moved on,many in new relationship, many split from their second.

People who are a little bit older, generally early 30s couples all seem to still be together, first child of each together.

Then there's a heap of older people all getting divorced, blending their kids (grown up or teen in most cases!) with new partners to try and create a family.
It is rather odd the way it seems to be everyone but the ones in their 30s around me!

notagiraffe · 15/11/2016 08:55

Not many. A close friend is one. Split from her OH when Dc were tiny, way before we met. I know five widows Shock. But among close family and friends, apart from the one above, everyone is happily married. The one thing we never need to talk about is marital problems. No one seems to have any serious ones.

TheNaze73 · 15/11/2016 09:00

Not many at all. I did feel for my daughters, as they were the only ones with divorced parents in their entire primary school