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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how many single parents you actually know

138 replies

cuibozo · 14/11/2016 17:36

And age(s) of their children?

I was thinking today, I don't know any. I know a couple who split from their kids' dad and have a new partner and child(ten) though.

So how common is it?

OP posts:
Graphista · 14/11/2016 18:04

Freebutton 3 on my list are widowed, horrible though my divorce was I think that's worse

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 14/11/2016 18:11

There is lots of us about, I have 3 good friends who are single parents and am one myself!

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 14/11/2016 18:16

Oh, people live in a bit of a bubble, I think. That's why we get surprised by Referendum and US election results because we hang out with people with similar lives and opinions to us.

Almost all my closest friends are still married to their first spouses. They followed the pattern of: Move in together, get a mortgage, get married, have babies. Also true of my brother and sister.

According to Mumsnet, this kind of nuclear, non-blended family is the unusual one. But this is 90% of the families I know.

Not me, though. I got pregnant after a one night stand 21 years ago. I have never had a serious long term relationship. I started dating a couple of years ago when my daughter started university.

I don't think that any of my "traditional relationship"-type friends and family have judged me. We're all good. We're all parents. I don't feel the need to find other single parents to be friends with. I have nothing against married parents. It's a valid lifestyle choice. Grin

PortiaCastis · 14/11/2016 18:17

Myself and at least 5 friends. We all have teens I ran away because of DV so did 2 of my friends who I met in a hostel for DV victims the other 2 were left for the OW

Original poster
cuibozo · 14/11/2016 18:17

Thanks Startled, this echoes my own experience.

OP posts:
Doobydoo · 14/11/2016 18:22

Lots...including my sister. My aunt and my mum. My mum brought me up in the 70's/80's when it was quite unusual. She is fab!

bluelilies · 14/11/2016 18:23

It took me 6 years from splitting with ex to finding (now) DH, and another couple before we moved in together. I think a lot of people have a period of being a single parent, not usually through choice

Maltropp · 14/11/2016 18:24

I'm one, my partner is one (we don't live together), my kids dad and his partner (they don't live together either) are sp's, my kids know of at least 8 or ten other kids/families through school with split or remarried parents, they know that all of their grandparents and two out of 3 of their aunts have been married and are now either divorced /separated or remarried. My kids know families come in all shapes and sizes and reckon they see more of their Dad since we split than when we lived together and I was default parent.

MommaGee · 14/11/2016 18:24

Loads, including my Dad. We were Daddy raised at a time when single parenthood wasn't common but by the Dad whilst the Mom was alive? Totally unheard of lol. I never really felt left out and it wasn't the thing I got bullied for. I felt left out when I saw friends relationships with their moms - only made me cry twice and one of those I was an adult. He never had a visible relationship til I was at Uni
If you're separated from the dad but seeing someone else, not sure at what point you cease to be a single parent so that affects how many I know.

ClassmateHB · 14/11/2016 18:25

I'm still a single parent. I have a DP, who I've been with for a few years, but we don't live together and have no shared responsibilities. I have two children 6/7 nights a week, and have done for seven years. They're both primary age. I was single for four years when my marriage ended.

How many do I know? A fair few. Sadder though are those I know in shitty shitty relationships that feel anything is better than nothing :-(

KarmaNoMore · 14/11/2016 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shodan · 14/11/2016 18:30

I know a few-maybe about 5 or 6? My sister and I included-twice over each! As was my mum, actually... not the best family tradition in the world I guess! Grin

I've got to know more single mums since I separated from my H - just mums from ds2's school, who I got to know via a friend who is also a single mum. I didn't know they were single parents before though.

Last time I was single I was that way for 3 years before meeting and marrying STBXH. This time, I don't intend to marry ever again, nor even live with someone (I'd happily date though!), although I suppose that could change, with the right man...who knows.

60sname · 14/11/2016 18:33

None yet (early/mid 30s). I'm sure that will change in the coming few years.

Dionysuss · 14/11/2016 18:35

I know two. Both completely different.

Work colleague, decided at her 30th birthday party she wasn't going to keep waiting on Mr Right to turn up to start a family with. She used a sperm doner and her ds is now 4. Her parents are extremely hands on with help, they drop him to school and collect whilst she works. She has a big support network.

My SiL broke up her her partner when their ds was 2. He goes months without contact, doesn't pay child support and is a shit. He went on to have a baby with SiLs 'best friend' . She doesn't have any friends, and only really talks to me and her parents.

Ratonastick · 14/11/2016 18:36

I am one. In my social circle I know 1 or 2 but in DSs circle it is just me. It has made us an object of curiosity/gossip sometimes and it has definitely made me very lonely on odd occasions.

I particularly loathe the assumption that I am a feckless git for being a single parent rather than my xP who headed for the hills never to be seen again when DS was tiny. I suspect the number that are single parents by choice is pretty small compared to the number who are single parents by circumstance.

Threecherries · 14/11/2016 18:43

Me - divorced for 6 years, no "DP" since, although I've dated and had a couple of relationships.

I dont have a big social circle but I know of about 8 - 10 people in similar circumstances.

Surprisingly my work is the place where single parents are the least represented - out of 120 ish people, I think I'm currently the only one, although lots have DC.

Brokenbiscuit · 14/11/2016 18:44

I can only think of three who have stayed single, off the top of my head. Two of whom I don't know very well. The other is one of the best parents I know, with two very happy well adjusted kids. I don't know if they feel like the odd ones out but it doesn't seem to have done them harm. Smile

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/11/2016 18:45

Immediate friends I have 3 who've been single parents since the departure of the dc's father. I know a lot more who've had time as a single parent but are in LTRs now.

Revealall · 14/11/2016 18:46

Only me and 1 other who haven't lasted the pregnancy.

Loads from divorces!

Waitingfordolly · 14/11/2016 18:47

I was going to say lots but actually many of them are in other relationships though often not cohabiting. I am a proper one! When DD was at her first school (nice city suburb) there was basically just me for ages, but when we moved to a town there were loads more. That did make me feel better for DD that she had friends moving between two homes.

Thinkmummy · 14/11/2016 18:49

I know a handful but really does it matter? Better to bring a child up as single parent than an unhappy part as a couple.

sawdown · 14/11/2016 18:52

Statistically the average length of time single parenthood lasts is around five years (stats from Gingerbread). Single parents either find a new partner by then, or in some cases they became single parents when their children were older so aren't regarded as single parents any more once their children are adults.

I was a single mum since my DD was born (due to DV), and I remained single until I got married to a new partner when she was 14. That was quite a long time to remain single, I had lots of single mum friends and almost all of them partnered up before I did. I took things very slowly though as I didn't want to rush into anything and then have DD upset at another breakup.

My sister is the only single mum I know right now, but she only split with her partner a year ago. I think it's very likely that she'll find a new partner within five years, although she isn't looking, but she is a lovely person and attractive so no reason why she wouldn't. I do know lots of women with dc who are in very unhappy relationships but are staying together until the children grow up. Their dc have much better lives materially than my dd did, so I don't blame them really, it's very hard raising children on your own and dd often had to go without, and before I got married we had to live in a cold council flat in a rubbish school catchment.

gamerwidow · 14/11/2016 18:54

8 off the top of my head, probably more. Their DC range from 1 month to 22 years old. Most have children of primary school age though. One of them is my sister. It's not at all uncommon.

KERALA1 · 14/11/2016 18:56

None.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 14/11/2016 18:58

None.

However, 5 years ago I knew several but they've all met people now.