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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how many single parents you actually know

138 replies

cuibozo · 14/11/2016 17:36

And age(s) of their children?

I was thinking today, I don't know any. I know a couple who split from their kids' dad and have a new partner and child(ten) though.

So how common is it?

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 14/11/2016 19:35

2 but the dads are both loosely involved. You know, have overnight eow and do fun trips, buy gifts, fees them ice cream and sweets then fuck off and have no actual involvement in parenting at any other times, and I know 1 with no dad on the scene (dc 4 - I believe dad saw him twice but stopped once he was 1yo).

I also know a few who are with new partners but were single at some point. Only a few though.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 14/11/2016 19:39

Only 5 or so. Ds is 10, and for the longest time he was the only one in the class who only lived with one parent.
Now I'd say there are 3 or 4. (Divorces)
ALL the separated parents in the class have been because of the man's affair.
Where I live, the norm is pair up by mid twenties, mortgage, marriage, kids.
I have two lone parent friends, where the other parent is totally absent, but the others split custody.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 14/11/2016 19:41

One of my lp friends is a man, with sole custody, has brought up his dc singlehandedly from babies (as have i)
We laugh about the fact that he is a hero in the eyes of the world but I am a slut Grin

Graphista · 14/11/2016 19:46

3 of mine are dads, one widowed.

Far more rare in my circle are people still together after 15+ years together and the children both biologically theirs - less than 6!

RamsayBoltonsConscience · 14/11/2016 19:52

Well, there's me... been single 11 years, ds is 17. I know about 2 others.

TeenAndTween · 14/11/2016 19:53

In DD2's y6 class I think over half were not living in a family with both their birth parents.

Within my and DH immediate family there is only 1 divorcee out of 11 marriages (across 3 generations).

elliejjtiny · 14/11/2016 20:02

Depends, do you mean everyone I know just because their dc are at school with mine or proper friends? what about ex single parents who are now part of a blended family? and would you say someone like my mum who is widowed with grown up children a single parent?

Anyway, not sure about numbers but out of all the parents I know of children aged 12 and under, I think I know about 10 who are in a nuclear family of 2 parents and children who legally belong to both of them. The rest are either single parents or blended families, about 50:50 I would say.

At school people often comment that my children all look very alike and then ask if they have the same dad as if that's quite unusual. But then I have 5 dc so might be just that not many people do that by choice and it's more common for larger families to involve children from previous relationships.

catgirl1976 · 14/11/2016 20:02

I only know 2. One is a friend from Uni days (children are 7 and 9)the other is one of the mums from school. Child is 5.

MyPeriodFeatures · 14/11/2016 20:57

Why do I find OPs post irritating?!

I'm one of those 'anomalies' a 'failure of convention' a shock 'single mother'

After I got over the initial feeling of stigmata I now frequently find myself both awestruck at the lives of marrieds, both the epic amount of emotional labour and impressed at the rare encounter of a joyous union.

Single parenting is now a choice for me and I have tons of bothe SP and M friends.

I'd like to know how many genuinely happy marrieds you know? Not that many.

It's an institution that should be rarer than it is in my mind. I'd like to live somewhere honest and civilised like Iceland

thedogsvagina · 14/11/2016 21:03

In DD's class there are only a few kids (DD being one of them). In my work place around 5 and loads of personal friends.

I tend to find that the single parents from school are closer than the married ones. There are a few groups that hang out together with husbands and kids outside of school. We get left out of those groups. Not sure why that's relevant but I'm sure somehow it is!

megletthesecond · 14/11/2016 21:08

Me, 8 yrs.

Primary school - loads. At least 10% out of the parents I know. Probably loads more who I don't chat to.

Work - both my colleagues were lp's when they still had kids at home.

Neighbours on both sides. One was widowed recently Sad .

donajimena · 14/11/2016 21:12

I'll let you in on a secret. If you become a single parent they are suddenly everywhere!

StealthPolarBear · 14/11/2016 21:14

None, actually, I don't think

StealthPolarBear · 14/11/2016 21:14

Shit yes one, family :) sorry! In fairness I was thinking local area and colleagues

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 14/11/2016 21:20

myperiod I think I'd quite like to marry you. I am also an anomaly, and I'd love to live in Iceland - recently voted most peaceful country on the planet.

Also dona - very true.

LuluJakey1 · 14/11/2016 21:24

No one personally- just aware of parents of children DH or I teach/have taught.

PortiaCastis · 14/11/2016 21:25

Im grateful to be a single parent, I'm safe now and not suffering from his violence

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 14/11/2016 21:28

Precisely, portia. Would it be preferable to stay with an arse-wipe just so we don't get 'stigmatised'? (waves to the usual sanctimonious crowd)

GreenAndWinter · 14/11/2016 21:30

I know loads, and I am one. I live in that kind of place - cheap rents, deprived area, all of us scummy people hanging together.

I'm a childminder, and every child I currently look after is from a single parent family, most have witnessed domestic violence (including my own boys). I also have neighbours who are fleeing domestic abuse.

I love my community, there is so much love and support here. I hate being a single parent, very few of us choose it on purpose because it's hard and most children miss the absent parent whatever he/she was like.

It's always weird reading on mumsnet how the other 'half' think about families and friends like mine - we must seem like zoo animals to some of you. Believe me, we are real people, all with our individual stories, and all doing the best we can for our children despite the challenges.

PortiaCastis · 14/11/2016 21:32

Jess if I'd stayed I would be dead
How come LTB is so popular and when you do you get stigmatised

Ambivalence · 14/11/2016 21:32

I've been a single parent to my dd from birth, as split from ex h during my pregnancy and don't know any other single parents, as a 40 year old parent to a one year old...would love to meet other single parents for outings at the weekends etc but no meet ups etc around here ( have moved from London to Midlands to be closer to family and people seem to marry and have kids younger here too...

HomeShapedBox · 14/11/2016 21:34

People who stayed single?

My cousin is late 20's and has a 6 year old, been single since she was pregnant and the dad done a runner

One early 30s who has an 8 year old and a 4 year old, single since the youngest was a baby

One early 40s who has a 18 and a 22 year old, had a long term relationship after splitting from her kids dad but has now been single for about 4 years.

I was a single parent for 4 years when my eldest was little

PenguinsandPebbles · 14/11/2016 21:35

4, all women and friends of mine, separated and with new partners a higher number.

my DP was a single dad before he met me (and by single dad I mean he was the RP, children's mother alive but absent by her choice - someone asked up thread if it's rare, I think it is less common but still pretty rare for dad to be RP where the mother is still alive it's why the law is so heavily in favour of women)

I am sure there are lot more out there but because we don't really socialise on the school run we possibly just don't know who they are.

What really peeves me off is NRP's who give themselves title of "single parent" DC mother does this she has seen the children once in two years for a grand total of four hours... and no she doesn't pay maintenance.

happy2bhomely · 14/11/2016 21:37

I'm one of 5 siblings and DH is one of 3. In our family, 3 of us are married, 1 is living with a partner and child and 3 are single parents with children under 3, never been married or living with a partner.

One has 2 dc with one ex and 1 with another. One has 1 dc with one ex and 1 with another. The other has 2 dc with one ex and is pregnant by a new partner who is already an ex.

Most of the single mums I know, (friends and extended family) have always been single. They have had casual relationships (as in, never lived with the partner) and then got pregnant. So it's always been the norm for the kids.

All of the divorced/separated parents I know, are not single. In fact, I think most of the couples I know are remarried, with blended families. Our parents included.

ocelot41 · 14/11/2016 21:40

4 - only one decided to be a single parent from the start, other 3 result of divorces to men who treated them badly. They are all amazing women.