Quick backstory - posted this on chat a couple of days ago, but it's escalated.
OH and I were due at friend's house for dinner a couple of weeks ago. OH was 45 minutes late (I'd gone up earlier). We thought it was a relaxed supper, they'd planned something more formal. OH apologised for being late on arrival. Had a lovely evening, no idea friend's OH was upset. He had a hissy fit after we left about OH being rude and disrespectful to her for being late. Has stropped to her about it for nearly 2 weeks. They were due to come for dinner this Sat but he is refusing to come because of this.
Bumped into them this morning at an event. She was lovely, as always. He blanked us and left. She has texted to apologise, but really? WTF? I originally thought we should apologise more formally with a card and flowers, but Mnetters thought that was too much. I now just think he's an utter knob.
Anyway, friend wants to talk. I don't know what to say to her. I actually feel like saying he's not welcome in our house until he apologises for being rude. OH was unintentionally rude but he is being deliberately rude. (BTW the reason for being late - he was at a football game and the friend's OH had thought he'd been to the pub when he hadn't. It always takes him an inexplicably long time to get home though. Friend's OH supports a rival team. Don't know whether that has anything to do with it).
We are good friends and have kids who are friends so have done a lot together as families in the past, including going on holiday together. This really upsets the status quo. OTOH I don't want to be in the company of someone who can do this.
So what do I say to my friend? Diplomacy (I do like her and value her friendship) or the way I really feel? I'm so taken aback at the vehemence of his reaction today that I wonder if he's having a crisis of some sort? It's so beyond normal.