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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this selfish of me?

99 replies

happyandsingle · 13/11/2016 08:34

without going into detail to much I want to treat myself to a cosmetic procedure nexto year that would cost around 4 grand.
My aim is to save half and put the rest on a credit card.
I am a single mum to one dd and work part time and so to save the full amount would take more than a year.
I guess I'm posting on here as I feel selfish that I could be spending that money for a holiday for my dd instead or home improvements but I never treat myself or put myself first and dd never goes without.
is this selfish of me and would you be happy sticking 2 grand on a credit card?
I don't earn a fortune but we get by.
The reason I ask about the credit card is that I hate being in debt and most I've ever had on them is 500 so im a bit nervous about sticking 2 grand on there.
To save fully would take about 2 years and I really don't want to wait that long.

OP posts:

EstelleRoberts · 13/11/2016 10:14

OP, I knew someone who died while having a tummy tuck. No indications previously that she would be a higher risk for this. All surgery comes at a risk. If you need a general anaesthetic that risk increases. To take that risk for something unnecessary seems crazy to me. Especially when you have a DD who is dependent on you.

I hope you can find some way to be happy with your looks without surgery. Therapy to address this would be a lot cheaper than £4K.

CustardShoes · 13/11/2016 10:16

and if this procedure is going make her happier, more confident and content, the daughter will benefit as well!

My view about this is that I think it's such a crying shame that some women are inveigled into linking their confidence & happiness with how they look.

The money would be better spent on counselling & therapy, frankly.

Our bodies are amazing things. They can do so much. Our "looks" or attractivness to others is as more about our attitudes to the world and ourselves, our curiosity, our energy, than about the size of our breasts or shape of our nose.

This is a really depressing thread. When I think what the OP could do with £2000 for her & her daughter.

Marmalade85 · 13/11/2016 10:18

Absolutely crazy to put £2k on a credit card and to risk your life for non essential cosmetic surgery OP. What's it for?

Original poster

happyandsingle · 13/11/2016 10:21

people pay thousands for holidays cars......is a car or holiday an essential.

OP posts:

Roussette · 13/11/2016 10:25

A car is something safe to transport your DD in. A holiday is an experience to take her on.

crashdoll · 13/11/2016 10:26

I don't think it's selfish but I agree that I would have concerns about what happened if the procedure went wrong or had complications. What implications would it have on your job if you needed a lot of time off? Who would look after your DD is you needed lots of time in hospital or were too unwell to look after her?

VanillaSpiceCandle · 13/11/2016 10:26

You mentioned only being able to afford two days off after an operation previously. Whatever you're having done I'm sure you'll need more recovery time than that.

It seems like you're determined to have this done. But if it's just for costmetic reasons perhaps you'll have changed your mind by the time you've saved up. How long have you been considering this procedure?

I think you need to save up additional money to cover the cost of the time off around this. And depending on what you're having perhaps even childcare too.

CustardShoes · 13/11/2016 10:27

A holiday just spent lounging about on a sunbed is not a wise use f limited funds, but depending on the age of your DD, OP you could expand both your horizons by travelling somewhere interesting & educational - what about Iceland, or adventures in the Alps, or learning Italian cooking in Siena, or ...

So many ways you could feed your mind, rather than slice into your body.

PetalMettle · 13/11/2016 10:31

I'm pleased that you're not going to get into debt, I think that's the right decisions. I think it's out of line to call you selfish just for getting it done though. I buy lunch at work, arguably I could make my own cheaper so that's selfish. You need t make sure your daughter doesn't go without but that doesn't mean Never spending £1 on yourself again

thatdearoctopus · 13/11/2016 10:35

people pay thousands for holidays cars......is a car or holiday an essential.

Well, if they can afford the repayments on them, then it doesn't matter. If they can't, and they're funding them from a credit card, then they're bloody stupid. As you would be, if you went ahead with this plan.

Saracen · 13/11/2016 11:06

I don't think it's selfish to spend this money on something which really matters to you.

I agree with others that it is very rash to go into debt for it. You could easily find yourself in a very unpleasant spot if you are living month to month and trying to pay off £2k debt. I am guessing that will take you quite a long time to pay off, even if all goes well. (The reason I think this is because you say you can't yet start to save for the operation because Christmas is coming up - so it seems you don't have much money every month after essentials are paid for.)

dontcrynow · 13/11/2016 11:37

I disagree with mostof the ther posters as I would say go for it if its going to bolster your confidence. maybe consider saving up another £1000 so you only have to borrow another £1000. Just be sure the procedure is going tomake a difference

CustardShoes · 13/11/2016 12:31

be sure the procedure is going to make a difference

The procedure is highly unlikely to make a difference: the OP has already had a couple of goes at breast surgery.

What would make a difference is therapy (and not the spa kind).

It's really sad, this thread.

thatdearoctopus · 13/11/2016 12:47

Don't forget also, that putting £2K on a credit card means that you'll actually be paying much more back than that.

OliviaStabler · 13/11/2016 13:13

it's irrelevant what it is

I disagree. There is a lot that can be seen in what we choose for ourselves

lionsleepstonight · 13/11/2016 13:18

Interest on 2k will be high, especially if you are only able to make the minimum payment. It could take years to pay off and end up costing a lot more. What if the op goes wrong and you have to pay more to get it fixed? It just sounds like you can't afford it.

PetalMettle · 13/11/2016 16:10

Off topic but how do you see other people's threads?

JorahsMissus · 13/11/2016 19:19

If not getting this procedure is really holding you back in life (maybe too self conscious to get naked with a man or go on dates because you are too worried about it being a big issue or just for your own view on your body) then yes, get it. Putting £2k on a credit card isn't the best possible idea but I do see why you would do it if it is something you feel could better your life in the long run.

MissVictoria · 13/11/2016 19:47

Depending on your credit card interest rate, you could end up in a cycle of just paying off the interest and never getting to the actual debt. If it will take you an extra year to save the 2k you put on it to pay it off, it's going to work up at least a couple hundred more in interest. Who knows if in that time you lose your job, or have an unexpected bill etc that sets you back further?
I never put more on my card than i can afford to fully pay off by the end of the same month so i don't pay any interest. Seems rather selfish to me tbh, that instead of staying "debt" free for the security of your daughter, you're prioritising a purely cosmetic procedure.

Maverickismywingman · 13/11/2016 19:49

I don't think it's selfish. But I don't think it's worth getting into debt for.

And make sure you've read up all about it and weighed up all the pros and cons.

citygirlnowhappyhippie · 13/11/2016 20:35

I would also caution against spending the money before you have it. And also about having a procedure done by anyone but the best. Having lived in the city I've seen so many botch jobs and you'll have to pick up the bill to correct it if anything goes wrong - not like you just go back to the NHS...

swearymad · 14/11/2016 00:11

I had veneers on four teeth and my teeth bleached about 8 years ago - it cost about £1000 - it made a big difference to my confidence and I have no regrets.

So - if you do decide to pay half on a credit card - as PP have suggested look around and get one that will give you interest free credit to begin with.

It's not selfish to prioritise yourself - just make sure that the finances are manageable. Good luck.

thatdearoctopus · 14/11/2016 09:43

Feeling "too self-conscious to get naked with a man" is considered being "held back in life" now, is it?

CustardShoes · 14/11/2016 18:04

£2000 would get you 40 sessions of therapy at £50 a pop. Almost a year's worth of time to investigate why you link the way you look with your self-esteeem, confidence, and progress in life.

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