Is this selfish of me?

[happyandsingle]

without going into detail to much I want to treat myself to a cosmetic procedure nexto year that would cost around 4 grand.
My aim is to save half and put the rest on a credit card.
I am a single mum to one dd and work part time and so to save the full amount would take more than a year.
I guess I'm posting on here as I feel selfish that I could be spending that money for a holiday for my dd instead or home improvements but I never treat myself or put myself first and dd never goes without.
is this selfish of me and would you be happy sticking 2 grand on a credit card?
I don't earn a fortune but we get by.
The reason I ask about the credit card is that I hate being in debt and most I've ever had on them is 500 so im a bit nervous about sticking 2 grand on there.
To save fully would take about 2 years and I really don't want to wait that long.

If you do go ahead please don't let cost be the main focus on surgeon or doctor that you choose. You need to choose most reputable or qualified to do the surgery not the cheapest, you can't put a price on your health.

I think you've made the right decision OP. There are times in life where we have to make sacrifices in the short-term even if we won't see the benefit until much later. Going without the procedure now might mean that you have the freedom to choose something more meaningful later on, either for you or your daughter. You're still very young so it's not like the opportunity is going away.

Surgery has risks. I would have thought therapy to be cheaper?

I think having a child means you should be prepared to put yourself last...but maybe that's just me?

If it's dentistry I would strongly consider it. I paid a lot to fix my messed up teeth (not my fault) and would do it again. It increased my confidence and employability in my field.

Actually, I agree with the previous poster-I might consider it for dental work.

I don't think it's selfish to have the work done at all. I agree with many pp that it's madness to get into debt for something non-essential. In your position I'd save and have it done once I had enough money. Is there anything you can do to increase your earnings?

I don't have credit cards. I save up if I need something. Unless this is something like scarring to your face or similar I think you need to talk to your GP. £4,000 is a lot of money do you think it really will improve you or will you do it and then realise it hasn't made any difference to you and you still have all that money to pay off.
On the other hand putting some money away each month is a good idea. In a year or twos time you might feel differently and you will have a good lump sum. You also might need a new washer, cooker etc. I always save for a rainy day because you don't know what is around the corner.
I am thinking you won't say what it is because you feel people will disapprove but maybe it is too personal.
You have another nine years of sacrifice I'm in the camp that thinks if you have children you put them first. I am still helping one of mine.

No, I wouldn't unless it's something with a health benefit such as eye treatment or dentistry (and even then I personally wouldn't cos I'm tight).

I don't really "approve" of the normalisation of plastic surgery for the ordinary Jane/John Doe on the street TBH. It's not something anyone should get into debt for. Far better to work on your own self-acceptance. None of us are perfect.

So would Iif it's dental work - but I'd save up for it. However I think the risk of expensive complications would be much lower, so your "emergency fund" wouldn't need to be as great.

Nice-looking, healthy teeth are much more important than most people realise (especially the "healthy" part!). Tooth and gum infections can cause all sorts of bodily ailments.

None of us are perfect.

And the perception these days that we have to be - especially if we are female - is causing so much ain and depression. It's very sad and truly terrible what some girls will do to themselves to achieve a totally unrealistic standard of "beauty". And by the very nature of things, they will never get it quite right, and there will always be something else to do,

I'm glad I'm not young and trying to fit the fashion mould today.

Probably not selfish, no, ( I'm assuming its something that is making you feel down/ almost depressed), but unwise to go for something you can ill-afford. If you've waited this long, can you not wait another couple for years? Hard to answer without you giving more details.

If it's visible dental work maybe. Saw a young woman recently with only one front tooth sadly would affect employability

I agree with most. It's your decision and if you feel like you can't wait the full time to save up the rest, then I guess you have your answer.

I don't think it's irresponsible to spend money on yourself for something that will improve your life, as long as your daughter is taken care of. I do however have a personal issue with taking on debt, and I love the feeling of saving up and being able to purchase something without the guilt.

If you feel like you'll be able to live comfortably while paying back the loan, I guess it would be okay. I wouldn't do it, but at least you would feel safe knowing you're not putting yourself in a tough spot.

I don´t think you are selfish at all for wanting to do this. Presumably this is something that is impacting how you feel about yourself every day. Feeling better about yourself will make you happier and that will affect your general well-being. That is really important. Nice homes and holidays are great, but they really aren´t that important.

On the other hand, I think you need to be realistic about financing it. Have you talked to the place that does this procedure about payment plans that they have? Maybe you can split the cost? If you saved up for another year, would it leave you with a more reasonable amount to pay off?

I think you should make a plan for how you are going to make this happen and then stick to it. Don´t rush to get the procedure now, just because you really want it. You can wait another year or whatever until you are in a better position financially.

If there is an associated health benefit such as dental or eye surgery then it's more easily justified, though it's probably prudent to investigate whether the NHS would cover the operation.

If it's purely cosmetic then sorry, it is selfish to get into debt for it when you have a dependant child. Putting your child's needs and security first comes with the territory of parenting.

Sorry, OP, but I looked up your past threads. Sometimes these things are important when giving advice, particularly something that's tied up with self-esteem. You have had other surgeries before. I would be working on counselling instead. You seem to have changed your mind quite a lot about how you want your body to appear and a lot of your self-esteem is tied up in it.

I don't think this is a good idea even if you had the money right now. Sorry.

Yes, you are being selfish. Simple. AIBU solved.

The more complex (tough love, but trying to be sympathetic) answer is that I think it is SUCH a pity that some women feel that the only way to develop their confidence is by cosmetic surgery, or losing weight, or something to do with their looks.

If you change the way you look you'll still be the same person inside.

Far far far far better to develop self-confidence from the inside: by learning new knowledge, or developing new skills, doing some volunteering work to improve others lives, or taking up a satisfying creative pursuit.

So think about what else you could spend £2,000 on: a WEA course to start learning a language; yoga sessions or piano lessons; an interesting holiday somewhere with good art galleries.

Feed your mind and your soul, not cut away bits of your body.

And by the way, do you know what a toll a general anaesthetic takes on your body? Why anyone would have one unnecessarily is beyond me.

I take on board everyone's advice and this is not a decision to be taken lightly.
I don't want to be judged on previous posts as this is something quite different and would include a lot of health benefits as it impacts my health in a lot of ways.

Well it's either a cosmetic procedure or it's not. If it's to correct a health problem then it would be done on the NHS, surely?

If the OP wants cosmetic surgery, and can pay for it, why the hell shouldn't she? She obviously looks after her daughter well, and if this procedure is going make her happier, more confident and content, the daughter will benefit as well!
I know all surgery holds risks, but I've had a procedure and quite honestly it changed my life....for the better by miles!
Actually though, I wouldn't advise putting any of the cost on a credit, just carry on saving as much as you can each month, do your research, and get the very best surgeon you can find/afford....but I say, go for it!

my main dilema was the credit card issue but I know that will be stupid now and I would rather save than have debt.

Good luck with saving up Happy, I wish you well

sorry happy regarding the facelift comment. However, I know two people who have had full facelifts... one was 36 at the time and the other 42!

I think you're making the right decision.

The nhs don't fund hardly anything now and I agree as priority should be for cancer patients or life or death situations.