Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Is this selfish of me?

99 replies

happyandsingle · 13/11/2016 08:34

without going into detail to much I want to treat myself to a cosmetic procedure nexto year that would cost around 4 grand.
My aim is to save half and put the rest on a credit card.
I am a single mum to one dd and work part time and so to save the full amount would take more than a year.
I guess I'm posting on here as I feel selfish that I could be spending that money for a holiday for my dd instead or home improvements but I never treat myself or put myself first and dd never goes without.
is this selfish of me and would you be happy sticking 2 grand on a credit card?
I don't earn a fortune but we get by.
The reason I ask about the credit card is that I hate being in debt and most I've ever had on them is 500 so im a bit nervous about sticking 2 grand on there.
To save fully would take about 2 years and I really don't want to wait that long.

OP posts:

HicDraconis · 13/11/2016 08:57

Don't go for any cosmetic procedure without being able to afford it plus half again up front.

Private self funded healthcare is a minefield - you have to budget not just for the procedure, but any foreseeable complications. If it requires a general anaesthetic, what if you are someone who vomits profusely afterwards and needs an extra night's stay and IV fluids? What if you have an allergic reaction to something? (1:2000 for some drugs). What if you get a wound infection, or complication that requires a repeat trip to theatre to sort it out, like bleeding?

You would be liable for all the costs and expected to pay for them. I suggest you save up the full £4000 as a minimum and have an emergency £2000 in reserve spare on your credit card for the unexpected.

MidniteScribbler · 13/11/2016 08:57

No, unless it's surgery that is causing your physical difficulties that mean you can't work or look after your child, then it's completely non essential. If you don't have the money to afford it, then you don't have the money to afford it.

jeaux90 · 13/11/2016 08:58

Single mum here too and honestly the only procedures I would consider is something that prolongs my career or indeed boosted my confidence to maintain the pace. So for example, I am 45, great career but the sad fact is us women get a lot of judgement on our looks so I do stuff that keeps my skin looking good and as youthful as possible. (All non surgical though as I worry about the risks having a sole dependant)

Shurelyshomemistake · 13/11/2016 08:59

If it's a boob job no I wouldn't but my main reasons would not be financial. Implants are major surgery and not without serious risk. What if you got a major wound infection and couldn't work for months? Or worse ...

Plus you have a little DD. It teaches her that her body needs improving cosmetically which is not healthy.

None of the above applies if there are health reasons for the op.

Original poster

happyandsingle · 13/11/2016 09:00

The selfish comments hurt as I've put myself last for the past 9 years and as I've said my dd never goes without.

OP posts:

midcenturymodern · 13/11/2016 09:00

I would wait and save up. If you aren't in a position to start saving because of Christmas then it doesn't sound like putting £2K on a card is sensible. You may have other random expenses in the next 2-3 years and need that cushion. It sounds like you don't have a whole lot of family support so if something unexpected does come up like you are made redundant or need a major thing for the house then you will feel like a twat knowing you spent your safety net credit on something not essential. I wouldn't not spend the money on the cosmetic thing and spend it on a holiday instead though. I think it's fine to spend the money on a non essential for yourself rather than a non essential for dd, but only if you have the money.

velvetspoon · 13/11/2016 09:01

Work ft and save up the money that way. I think with only a pt job you'd be foolish to saddle yourself with a debt you'll be paying off for over a year, what will you do if you lose your job, your cm (if you receive it) stops if your DCs dad stops paying or benefits are cut in that time?

Also have you thought it may not work? I don't know what the procedure is, but there are many cases of cosmetic ops going wrong...breast implants not settling/ bursting, lipo leaving scarring, ditto any facial surgery, veneers coming off or becoming infected. I've worked with 2 people who had nose jobs, one looks no different (it was to correct a bump, bump is still there), the other was a reduction but their nose now looks odd and I'm not sure they're happy with it.

Do think it through carefully. There's not just the financial side but also whether the outcome will match your expectations.

Lunar1 · 13/11/2016 09:03

Do you have a plan lined up for your dd if something were to go wrong with the surgery?

Original poster

happyandsingle · 13/11/2016 09:04

if I worked full time I'd be worse of than I am now so not sure that's an option but this has put me of using a credit card.

OP posts:

neonrainbow · 13/11/2016 09:04

Having undergone laser eye surgery, which is obviously a cosmetic procedure i say go for it. It's changed my life. But i did mine on interest free credit from the provider it took a couple of years to pay off.

NavyandWhite · 13/11/2016 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neonrainbow · 13/11/2016 09:05

Santander used to do a credit card that's interest free for 2 years, so if you're sure you can pay it off in 2 years its one way to do it.

Coconutty · 13/11/2016 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaStabler · 13/11/2016 09:07

Do not put it on a credit card whatever you do. All it takes is for you to be unwell and off work and the debt starts piling up.

Are you willing to share what it is you are having done?

Are you sure whatever it is will have the desired result with regards to your confidence?

MidniteScribbler · 13/11/2016 09:10

The selfish comments hurt as I've put myself last for the past 9 years and as I've said my dd never goes without.

That's called 'being a parent'.

SheldonCRules · 13/11/2016 09:11

Why would you be worse off working full time? Assuming it's because you lose benefits for going over the sixteen hour number. Childcare is the same percentage of your wage each day so there's still a take home profit in working full time vs part time for those that don't claim help.

With only a part time wage coming in, surely the money would be better spent on your DD or extra childcare to improve your situation.

I recognise your user name and this won't be your first elective surgery.

I'd save the money and use some of it on counselling to work out why you feel the need to keep doing it rather than have yet another procedure.

You have a DD, surely you want her to feel beautiful as she is rather than have surgery to please a man etc.

Lostwithinthehills · 13/11/2016 09:14

I think your plan is not the best. I agree very much with pp that you should save up the total cost of the procedure and only when you can pay cash should you even consider it. Putting £2000 on a credit card for a cosmetic procedure is crazy.
What percentage of your annual income is £4000? What percentage of your monthly income would you need to save to achieve that amount? If you did put £2000 on a credit card what percentage of your monthly income would you have to use to make repayments?
If you only work part time you must be on a fairly low income and I think it would be difficult to justify spending this much money on cosmetic surgery.
If, however, you can comfortably afford to save £2000 a year I would suggest that you should put it away for your daughter to give her a leg up when she is 18 or 21 and in the long term that would make you feel much better about yourself than any surgery.

Original poster

happyandsingle · 13/11/2016 09:15

thanks for all the advice I've taken it on board and yes using a credit card would be stupid plus my dd deserves more than that so I might save but more as a rainy day fund than anything else. thanks everyone.

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/11/2016 09:17

Taking unnecessary risks when you have dependants IS selfish unless you have someone/something to agree to bail you out if something goes wrong.

So putting the money on a credit card for something non-essential with no way to pay it off if you lost your job or had to pay out to replace something like your car or your boiler etc (if you have them) is incredibly irresponsible. If you have family to agree to lend you the repayments if things go wrong then go for it. Otherwise don't do it.

Just because you have put your daughter first for 9 years doesn't mean your responsibility towards her can stop now. Parenthood is for the long haul. Unless your daughter is in imminent danger of losing you to suicide because this is affecting your mental health so badly, then you have a duty to wait until this is affordable for your circumstances. At the moment it isn't.

ChampsMum · 13/11/2016 09:18

I don't think it is selfish of you, if the cosmetic surgery is going to make you happy go for it, as we all deserve to be happy.

But I wouldn't be putting 2k on a credit card.

Roussette · 13/11/2016 09:21

I presume it's a facelift or something similar, otherwise you would be saying what it is. I would work on your self esteem instead

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/11/2016 09:23

Rubbish, champsmum. Going part time would make ME happy. Having weekends away or long haul trips would make ME happy. Buying a better car would make me happy too. But I can't afford any of that unless I save up for it. Which is what I do.

This instant gratification culture of ours has just got ridiculous.

furryminkymoo · 13/11/2016 09:25

Can you do a 0% credit card balance transfer? Do clinics offer a finance package? I wouldn't want to pay 18-26% on a credit card tbh.

Original poster

happyandsingle · 13/11/2016 09:25

no not a face lift I'm only 37 !!! anyway it's irrelevant what it is as I am thinking this through and credit cards are not an option as I don't think I could sleep at night with that kind of debt.

OP posts:

KathArtic · 13/11/2016 09:26

I am a single mum to one dd and work part time and so to save the full amount would take more than a year.

I'm already doing all the overtime at work I can but with no help from her dad and very little support elsewhere it's not easy.

could only afford to take 2 days of work.

OP, you can't afford it and are not in a position to either.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread