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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed with my sister

21 replies

Sweetoothfairy · 12/11/2016 19:20

It's my niece's birthday today and we were invited for cake but she's also having a party tomorrow, with friends & she's invited one cousin ( my brother's daughter) AIBU to feel that she should not only have included my daughter but the other cousins too? It might be an age thing where she only wants kids similar age there, but the activity is suitable for all ages . I just think differently to her & it's not the first time she's done this. Should family come before friends? If my daughter knew about it I'm sure she'd feel upset.

OP posts:
UrethaFranklin · 12/11/2016 19:24

Depends really, depends how closer they are i think. Is your brothers daughter closer to her than yours is? I don't think you should be obliged to invite people just because you are related to them if you never see them.

Arfarfanarf · 12/11/2016 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Giratina · 12/11/2016 19:24

Depends on the age of the kids involved and what the party involves. If it's limited numbers or an expensive pay per head activity then I don't think family should necessarily come before friends, it should be up to the birthday child. If it's a village hall type party then I think it's a bit mean to leave cousins out.

AuditAngel · 12/11/2016 19:25

Sometimes we invite cousins, it depends on the child and venue. My youngest recently had a party and invited 2 cousins, who are the closest in age, but she has cousins ranging in age from 32 to 2, and 2nd cousins, but various combinations for various events.

Also, my DD2's last party was joint with her friend with maximum of 40 children.

I guess it depends.

MyGiddyUncle · 12/11/2016 19:27

It might be an age thing where she only wants kids similar age there

So your brothers daughter is similar in age and yours is not? I think you've answered your own question there.

harderandharder2breathe · 12/11/2016 19:27

If you have a five year olds party with all guests age 4-6 you wouldn't invite 10 year old cousins even if the activity is generally suitable. It's just easier if everyone is roughly the same level.

HRarehoundingme · 12/11/2016 19:29

Is this a reverse?

There was a thread a while back from a poster whose sil was up in arms because her young daughter wasnt invited to her older cousins birthday party which was an activity session which would inappropriate for a younger child.

MrEBear · 12/11/2016 19:31

Very much depends on the age gaps involved. Sometimes older kids don't want much younger kids at their parties. That also works the other way too much older kids can feel out of place at a tots party. But it probably wouldn't bother a younger child to either be at or have older kids at their party.
She has gone down the road of family party today and friends tomorrow. If she was going to invite all cousins to the party tomorrow it would be pointless to do family tea / cake today. It might also be a numbers thing even party rooms at soft play centres have a max number.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 12/11/2016 19:32

DS spends a lot more time with one of his cousins than the others. There's only a couple of months between them so they have things in common and enjoy each other's company. He adores his younger cousins, but also finds them hard work. If he had a party his one cousin would be invited but the younger ones would be invited to a family thing.

I think it's quite common, quite sensible and you'd be in the wrong to be annoyed with your sister about it.

Scooby20 · 12/11/2016 19:34

It really depends on What the age gaps are.

My dd 12 probably wouldn't get invited to her cousins birthday, who is two next time. But my 4 year old would.

MiladyThesaurus · 12/11/2016 19:34

Why on earth should it all be about family? They had a family party that your (I'm guessing younger) child was invited to. They're also having a birthday party for friends too. Maybe the birthday niece considers your brother's daughter to be a friend not just a cousin.

ApocalypseNowt · 12/11/2016 19:40

I think YABU.

It's not as if all the cousins are invited to the party except one. That wouldn't be ok.

I did similar. Family do and then DD1 wanted one of her cousins (out of 9) at her other party. Everyone was ok with this apart from mil but that's another thread.

Mamatallica · 12/11/2016 19:42

YABU why shouldn't the poor kid invite who she likes to her party? She shouldn't have cousins she may not like that much forced on her!

Original poster
Sweetoothfairy · 12/11/2016 19:45

I guess I just feel differently in that I try to include them all if it was the other way around and I probably worry too much about offending others. Good to hear other people's opinions though

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetoothfairy · 12/11/2016 19:46

BTW they do get on, no problems there!

OP posts:
HummusForBreakfast · 12/11/2016 19:56

We've done things like this with our dcs.
One party for the family with cousins etc.. and one party for friends.

Also to remember is the fact that she might have to be careful with numbers so she had one space left (a child that cancelled?) so asked her dd if she wanted to invite someone else and the child said 'yes I want xxcousins'.

Your dd being upset or being part of the family isn't a reason good enough to invite her to the party with her friends TBH.

GasLightShining · 12/11/2016 20:05

What are the ages?

Niece on my side was always invited to parties as age wise she was inbetween DD and DS. Niece on DH's side wa snever invited as there was a 12 year or so age gap

Errppppp · 12/11/2016 20:29

Sorry but it's another YABU. It's lovely of you to like to include everyone in things but it's ok not to want to,do it to.

As with a PP my DC love their younger cousins but also find them a bit hard work. They wouldn't want them at a birthday party they were having with friends the same age.

littlesallyracket · 12/11/2016 20:54

What's the age difference? I'm guessing your niece just wants, at her birthday party, kids who are about the same age as her and her friends and will therefore just fit in with them a bit better. When I was a child I would play with my younger cousins when they came to visit and got on with them fine, but if I'd been doing something with my friends of my own age, I wouldn't really have wanted to bring younger kids into the mix. I think kids just feel it's cramping their style in front of their friends.

Ultimately, it's your niece's birthday and she can have who she wants there. Why should 'family come before friends' when it's her birthday party? Presumably if they're doing an activity, there's only a certain number of kids who can attend, so I don't see why your niece should have to have your daughter there in place of a school friend she'd prefer. As I say, it's not personal; I'm sure she likes your daughter but that doesn't mean she has to invite her to everything as if they were best mates.

HRarehoundingme · 13/11/2016 21:39

Sweet so if your DD asks for an outwards bounds type party when she's 10 with tree climbing and zip wires then you would make her a) invite her younger cousin to an inappropriate party b) make her have a more inclusive party?

wigglesrock · 13/11/2016 21:56

My kids have "family" parties and then a separate party for their friends (if they're having a friends party that year). Granted the friends parties are usually schoolfriends and no family but the odd time a cousin has been invited. Tbh it's pretty standard among my family, my husbands family and most of my friends. I can't imagine even thinking twice about it and my kids, nieces and nephews are quite close in age. And imo family especially cousins don't come before friends - you can't pick your family.

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