AIBU to feel jealous of DH

[Iwantamarshmallow]

A few years ago a shelf fell down and I lost some ornaments I'd been collecting since my 20's. DH was rather nonplussed about the whole thing and refused to claim on our insurance. I was so glad no one was hurt I just let it go.
A few months ago DH used my savings (for the second time) (without my consent) to top up our bank account when we had run out of funds way before payday. During the same period DH had brought quite a few bits of leisure /hobby equipment using our joint account and taken out finance on various different items for himself. DH'S hobbies/leisure activities have always been a bone of contention between us.
Three weeks ago most of DH'S leisure a equipment was stolen during a break in, our insurance has agreed to cover the full amount. DH is as happy as Larry as he's going to be able to buy all this new kit.
AIBU to feel like utter shit . I think I probably am it's just DH gets all this cash to spend on his shiny new kit, a third of my savings are gone and will not be replaced and when it was my stuff DH didn't want to know.

If I were you I would not use my phone for banking (or at least activate the lock screen with a PIN he doesn't know). For one thing, if he can transfer money using your phone, so can anyone else who picks up your phone!

Coop money has some useful resources for people who find managing money scary. I will try to find a link.

I don't agree about everything being family money either. People who have 'family money' can't be married to people with e.g. a mountainbike or shoe habit...

Dear god, please get a backbone, shout at him a bit and TELL him he can forget his leisure activity equipment and the childcare you provide so he can do it, until he refunds your ISA money. And since he is not getting to the end of the month without controlling the finances he forfeited the right to that responsibility and you intend I take t back. Anyway you are doing the lions share of the shopping now if you are home more with kids so it only makes sense

Wait until the insurance comes in, use your phone and transfer the same amount into your ISA. Change your passwords to generated alphanumeric ones and lock down you phone.

He's a selfish arse.

Thieving git!

This is not a marriage. You deserve better than this OP.

Are you from a culture where women obey men eg follow Shariah law? It all sounds rather strange.
I did both our tax returns. I am the pensions expert. I make insurance claims. Why do you just sit weakly back and let this man do this? Is the principle of your marriage that women obey men for example which might explain it.

I don't get the thing about "family money" either. For my dp and I the money that we earn is "family money" and anything that comes from elsewhere is our own to do as we please with. Does money given to me as a birthday present from my parents become family money...err no! It's mine! My oh sold his motocross bike a while back but I would never dream of calling dibs on that money as it was his bike, not mine.

Me2017 I don't think Sharia Law has anything to do with it. There are plenty of Muslim women who follow Islam but don't let the men deal with the finances. She has already said that she used to do it but he said that he'd do it instead

That's true although some cultures not just Islam the man makes the decisions. "A woman in Islam does not shoulder any financial obligations; it is the man who shoulders this responsibility in the family. It is the duty of the father or the brother, before she is married to look after her lodging, boarding, clothing and financial aspects, and it becomes the duty of her husband or her son, after she is married."

He is just using you as a door mat, he took you personal money you were saving for driving lessons, to use on his hobby TWICE.
Fuck that.
Be aware that he may access to your emails & so change all your passwords & disactivate any joint cloud/fb/whatsapp.
Open new private account & when the insurance pays out, remove your money, & tell him you have done it.

Totally unacceptable. I was cross about the ornaments on your behalf. The rest is beyond the pale.

Sounds like your marriage is doomed so open a new account and start squirrelling away money. He's a shit.

"he kept saying I was too independent"
He clearly prefers you to be dependent on him, so he has more control.
That is not my idea of what marriage is about.

I couldn't exist in a marriage with separate finances. We have always had joint income and joint expenditure and it has never caused any arguments - even through paying off old debts and having vastly different incomes. We are in it together.

OP I hope you can now see how odd this is. I have access to my DP's phone or laptop any time I want (and he mine), but it wouldn't occur to me to even try to crack his online banking password or make use of a financial app - that is massively crossing a line IMO.

I'm assuming he can already drive. How would he respond if you suggested funding driving lessons out of 'joint funds'?