AIBU to feel jealous of DH

[Iwantamarshmallow]

A few years ago a shelf fell down and I lost some ornaments I'd been collecting since my 20's. DH was rather nonplussed about the whole thing and refused to claim on our insurance. I was so glad no one was hurt I just let it go.
A few months ago DH used my savings (for the second time) (without my consent) to top up our bank account when we had run out of funds way before payday. During the same period DH had brought quite a few bits of leisure /hobby equipment using our joint account and taken out finance on various different items for himself. DH'S hobbies/leisure activities have always been a bone of contention between us.
Three weeks ago most of DH'S leisure a equipment was stolen during a break in, our insurance has agreed to cover the full amount. DH is as happy as Larry as he's going to be able to buy all this new kit.
AIBU to feel like utter shit . I think I probably am it's just DH gets all this cash to spend on his shiny new kit, a third of my savings are gone and will not be replaced and when it was my stuff DH didn't want to know.

X post I would contact the bank and tell them that he has fraudulantly (spelling?) Moved money from your sole account. No way would I put up with DH stealing from me or treating me in that manner.

Take the money back from the joint account and put it somewhere he can't get it. He sounds financially abusive - is this the tip of the iceberg?

Jesus, I can see why he wanted to manage the money Not as a criticism of you, it just set him up in a perfect position to be able to steal from you and spend whatever he wanted to

This is simple. First, you get another account in your name only. You move all your savings in there. He gets no access. When the payment is put in the joint account, you transfer what you're due into your savings you have now and then you cash that out and put it into your new account before he's aware. Lastly, stop being jealous by stop putting up with his fucking bullshit. You get equal disposable income. Stop being a mug and standing for this.

He thought you were too independent...

Something is wrong here beyond the money.

He took money out of your ISA via your phone.
I'd have gone bloody ballistic. He needs to grow up, and stop stealing off you.

Open yourself a new account. Lock it up tight and NEVER tell him how to access it.

'DH isn't going to replace the money. He feels he's done nothing wrong'

You take it back. I wouldn't have everything joint with him, tbh. Bills paid proportionally to earnings into a household account. That's it.

And password protect your phone! (Change the password if he knows the old one).

Your DH is a thief.
Start trying to claw back whatever you can that he owes you and then get rid of the light-fingered git.

Report this wanker to the bank(however if you have allowed him your pin/password they won't be pleased) Has the insurance money come in yet? If not id be nabbing it as soon as it does ( the amount he took) and getting all them duckies in a row, he doesn't respect you, your possessions or your feelings. Agree, there is more than financial incompetence here.

He has fraudulently accessed your ISA.
He has TOLD you that you're too independent and that he needs to control the finances.
He makes sure he has enough money for his own hobbies, even if this means stealing from you and then minimizing this behaviour.
He sounds like he is financially controlling you.
Is he controlling in other aspects of your life?

I agree with HappyPoo. In what other ways does your husband manipulate you.
His behaviour is disgraceful, you need to open your own account ASAP and stat having your income paid into that, he shouldn't have any kind of access to your personal savings you really need to take more precautions to keep your money safe. He's obviously terrible with money and not at all to be trusted.
TBH I think once the trust has gone the relationship has too and I would struggle to stay with a man like this. He's very good at minimising but this is not acceptable.

This is really bad OP.

He needs to give you back the money he STOLE from your savings and replace his equipment with what is left.

It doesn't actually matter if he is this controlling in other areas of life. This on its own is bad, really bad.

Time to take a deep breath and take your money back, OP, regardless of what he thinks is appropriate behaviour...

This is financial abuse, theft, fraud need I go on? Are you okay Iwant this must all make very unpleasant reading for you?

He does because you let him. You can better protect your account from him. He is a twat and you are letting him get away with it.

Your husband sounds like a peach. Sorry, did I say peach? I meant abusive, selfish, underhanded, controlling piece of shit.

Jesus Christ OP.
Take a deep breath and take back the reigns. Get back everything he took out of your savings.
Do not take any of his bullshit or you'll find yourself being worn down and not being able to face the prospect of begging for money for school clothes and shoes because you have child benefit/tax credits/your savings or whatever he uses to justify denying you.

First off take the money back and then report the Bastard!

I don't care who earns more what he did is theft,your own husband stole from you and can't see a problem with that,he's full of bullshit and you know he is.

I'd be saying exactly the same thing if you were a man!

My poor DH went though the same with his ex wife(they'd split along time before I came along)she was emotionally abusive and my ex husband was the same towards me!

You need to put a stop to it now Marshmallowyou don't want to end up with financial crap that me and my DH have had to go through,we both ended up paying off thousands of pounds of debts in our ex's names for stuff neither of us had anything to do with or benefited from at all!

Sorry that should have said financially and emotionally abusive.

Change all your passwords and password lock your phone ASAP.
This is really really bad OP. I'd separate the finances and start investigating my options tbh. He sounds fucking awful.

So you have a joint account, and he earns way more than you, but you feel it's okay to siphon off some money and call it your own savings? I'm really not sure that it's your DP who is financially abusive Surely if you share salaries, then you share money, savings included.

He is a selfish asshole.
No wonder you have separate savings, although how did he manage to access them??
Make sure you get your money back after the insurance pay out.
What a self centred knob.

Take the money back from your joint account
But how did he get into the Isa app? Bit baffled by that.

That bit about him thinking you were too independent is chilling. Because the logical conclusion of that is that he wants you to be dependent on him. Under his thumb.

I would look for a counsellor who can get you over your anxiety about looking at the bank accounts. That's a major issue you need to get past, because once you do that, you can take the power back and regain control of your own finances.