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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copycat friend

28 replies

Mummyyummy2012 · 11/11/2016 16:42

A friend of mine keeps copying me- identical clothes, literally the same outfits, shoes, hair etc. I know imitation is flattery etc but I don't find it flattering, just weird.
Aibu for this to make me feel uncomfortable?

OP posts:
Sonders · 11/11/2016 16:56

I knew a woman like this once. I used to do promos in a night club, one night she came up to me in the toilets and was really nice and said how I must have a dream job and she'd love to do the same. We were actually hiring someone to do the same at another venue so I introduced her to my boss - that was the first mistake on my behalf.

She copied everything I did - I had awful chunky highlights one week, the next week she had them too. I used to wear Doc Martens to work, she suddenly started wearing them. I customised my work t-shirt, the next week she'd attempted the same.

She came to cover a shift at my venue and the whole night acted as though my other colleagues were here best friends, laughing at inside jokes she could not have possibly understood - it was so, so weird.

I found at years later than even though she was nice to my face, she was absolutely vile behind my back - calling me a 'fat slut' and worse.

So I don't have anything to add, apart from just stay away!

Original poster
Mummyyummy2012 · 11/11/2016 17:02

Its making me stressed whenever I get something new as she then gets it! I feel like I have a shadow Shock

OP posts:
ByeByeLilSebastian · 11/11/2016 17:05

You need to start piss taking op. Wear your hair in high pigtails tomorrow along with your favourite spice girls top Grin

previously1474907171 · 11/11/2016 17:07

I had a friend like that. She obviously liked my style. One day she came to collect me for a day out, dressed in almost the same clothes that she had seen me wearing the week before, and which I was wearing that day.She had never worn anything like it before.

I told her she would have to wait while I changed as we couldn't go out looking the same. Nothing stopped her, I took to buying from a dress agency so she couldn't find the same items, she went and bought something that looked as similar as she could.

She asked my hairdresser to cut and colour her hair 'like mine', he told me and was embarrassed.

Supposed to be flattering but to go on a holiday and have to check what she was planning to wear before I could get ready was a routine thing as she had the same outfits in different colours and the only way I could avoid looking like her was to get dressed after she did.

Eventually we were no longer friends and she has reverted to her old style of dressing.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/11/2016 17:16

You call her a friend. Can't you raise the subject with her? 'I've noticed the clothes you're wearing lately are exactly the same as mine. It's honestly making me feel a bit uncomfortable.'

Although TBH I think anyone who does this does not consider you to be their friend, just their template and supplier of ideas. And for that reason I'd not be spending time with her.

cottencandy55 · 11/11/2016 17:22

I had a friend like this really frustrating turned out to be the biggest back stabbing Bitch ever well shot of her.

JaceLancs · 11/11/2016 17:50

My DM used to do this but with household stuff and electricals X then when I fell out of favour she changed into buying same things as DB - drives my SIL potty
I came to the conclusion she had little confidence in making her own choices so it's safer to copy others

RoseGoldHippie · 11/11/2016 18:04

I think I used to be THAT friend! Blush But too be fair I was like 10 and just trying to fit in! (Had different clothes for different friendship groups! Hahaha I was a goth/chav/greebo alternating daily!)

When I grew up, I grew more confidence and made my own style :)

Really weird for an adult to do it though!

CoraPirbright · 11/11/2016 18:13

How close a friend is she? Is she quite thick skinned or would she realise that your Shock Angry Hmm facial expressions mean that you are finding it all A Bit Much?

I would have to tackle her on it but if you don't fancy that, you are just going to have to be very careful to wear old stuff she has seen before and save all your good, new stuff for when she isn't around.

YANBU - it would annoy the piss out of me!

Greengoddess12 · 11/11/2016 18:15

Blimey Single White Female op watch your kitten.

CruCru · 11/11/2016 18:24

You aren't being unreasonable to be uncomfortable if this woman really is copying you. However, it is worth making absolutely sure that she is.

If what you wear is reasonably mainstream then it may be that she is just wearing what everyone is wearing. I'm thinking skinny jeans / breton tops / parka jacket / converse or biker boots. It is possible that she is copying you but it may be in a more unconscious way. People tend to pick up on each other's style.

However, if you dress in a way that is very unusual, then it may be that she is copying you.

I would avoid mentioning to her that she is copying you. If it is the first situation, then she may think you are rather odd and / or be very uncomfortable. If it is the latter, she will become very defensive and possibly aggressive. Copying someone else is usually a sign that someone is short on confidence.

Without knowing how well you know this woman, it is difficult to advise you. If it is someone you know well, it might be worth sending her some links to fashion blogs - see if you can get her copying a random woman off the internet. If it someone you don't know well, they will probably move on to someone else to copy.

Potatoooooo · 11/11/2016 18:32

I've noticed people do it when they really think it'll make them look better.
My MIL used to take note of the stuff I used, or if I talked about a particular product the next day she would have it.

I realised she was a massive narc so didn't surprise me that she was trying to look better than everyone else.

Potatoooooo · 11/11/2016 18:34

Although thinking about it now, I once did this!!
My uni mates were talking about a particular face cream and toner at a well known high street shop.

I went out and bought it Blush I never ever told them I did that though, I just got it because it sounded so bloody amazing - and it was.

Underthemoonlight · 11/11/2016 18:35

My auntie does this with my DM drives her crazy she started going to the same hairdressers and getting a similar cut then said my DM hates her copying but she going to do what she wants. I picked an outfit out for my DM and she looked really nice so auntie decided to get the same.

CruCru · 11/11/2016 18:37

I think people don't always realise how homogeneous they are. I remember being quite taken aback by how similar the young women in my office looked (it was a little while ago). Same long, straightened hair, very similar clothes, same style of make up, even very similar shoes.

IAmNotACat · 11/11/2016 18:39

Yy to making sure it's copying and not just that you like similar things before saying anything.

I was Hmm once when a flat mate I had years ago told me I was copying her and that she was annoyed about it etc. I wasn't copying her at all, we just had similar styles and we're both buying what was 'in' at the time. I had my hair dyed the same colour as hers, but it just happened to be my natural colour that I had decided I wanted back after years of crazy colours. Apparently her and her friends called me 'single white female' behind my back.

Funny thing was, she literally wore my clothes. Almost every day she'd be wearing my jeans or my shirt or my shoes. Yet I was a copier... I changed my style up quite a lot then and she'd still 'borrow' my stuff and claim I was stealing her style with the clothes I bought.

Original poster
Mummyyummy2012 · 11/11/2016 18:43

It's def copying- I bought a dress from a small independent shop, she asked me where from & I stupidly said and she went and got the same dress. It's happened a lot. Not going to say anymore

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 11/11/2016 19:04

How often do you see her? School-run-often, or less so?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 11/11/2016 19:17

This has happened to me a few times now. It won't end well. Has she started on your music yet? And just ADORES your favorite book/film etc? Are you friends because you have just so much in common?

She's lying to you. She's an empty shell of a person and she is trying to be you.

You have become her point of reference in life and she will measure her own social success against you.

Keep her away from your friends. She will put you down to them to make herself feel better. She will try to take your place.

Get rid.

LostCitiesofGold · 11/11/2016 19:36

My narc sister is like this. Since I went NC I have completely changed my style, found more confidence etc. Last time we saw her she was dressed as I used to dress when I was twenty. An emo Blush We're both in our thirties and she looked like a right twat.
Again definitely an empty person, she used to borrow my books/clothes/music and tell people, especially men, that they were hers.
I remember her being absolutely giddy that someone had told her she had "really mature" taste in music because she'd accidentally left a few pilfered CDs on the coffee table when they came over.
I used to spin Poi as a hobby. She stole that too despite the fact I was accomplished enough to use fire wicks and she could only manage a couple of tennis balls with tails. No no, it was HER thing.
Got to the stage where I couldn't do anything without it being ripped of the same week to improve her social standing as a quirky individual.

IAmNotACat · 11/11/2016 21:17

Do you think it's just you or that she gets style inspiration from all her friends?

I don't think it's a huge faux pas to ask someone where they've bought something you like and buy one for yourself if it fits with your style or you just like it. We don't own exclusive rights to our clothes, I've had lots of people ask where I've bought things and presumably that's because they'd like to buy them or something similar.

ConvincingLiar · 11/11/2016 21:25

I would avoid buying clothes/shoes identical to my friends/family. I might buy something in a different colour I suppose. I'd happily buy make up/cosmetics, they're not so distinctive. Maybe next time she asks where you got something tell her you don't want her to buy it.

ShebaShimmyShake · 11/11/2016 21:41

Start wearing shit stuff.

Flowercat16 · 11/11/2016 21:44

I'd be very uncomfortable if that happened to me. My dress style is not run if the mill. So it would be down right creepy if a friend started dressing as my twin lol. I'd think nutjob!

hopscotchegg · 13/11/2016 13:57

It's not flattering - I know people say it is but honestly it's creepy and a violation of boundaries. I think you need to say something.