My DP (of 9 months) is going through a divorce at the moment. They split up March 2015. He has one DD6. I have 2DC (6&4). Everyone gets on like a house. Really nice family atmosphere. My problem is that his ex is constantly a part of our lives (I'm talking, daily). If he's not mentioning her, he's texting her over dinner (while we're actually sitting in a restaurant) and her stuff is still all over his home. Her underwear is here. Her dresses are here. Her cosmetics are here. Sometimes he even encourages me to use them. Just this morning he was hunting through her dresses commenting about which ones would suit me and telling me to wear them. Even pulling out thongs and swimming suits.
Sometimes it gets to the point where I feel like an accessory to his life, like he would have her back in a heartbeat (but she doesn't want to be with him anymore). Now, please bare in mind, I have borderline personality disorder and am apt to easily feel abandoned so that might be one reason why I'm feeling scared. I also have issues with my weight (major problems with over-eating, starvation, body perception) so bare that in mind.
Here's the spiel:
I've met his ex once. She seems bland but skinny. Completely different body type to me: willowy, taller than me, small frame. Even if I starved myself for weeks I'd never be able to mimic it. So on this ground, I feel a disappointment/downgrade. Today he called her "beautiful and slim".
Next thing: He's in court quite often. AFAIK his ex has filed for a non-molestation order and an occupation order. He says this is because she's poor (she is) and wants his money/house. He has showed me witness statements written by her and I noticed in them she accuses him of harrassing her and states that he keeps asking for her to return to him ("Are you fed up with independent living and ready to come home?"). He denies saying this.
She has phoned the police on him a few times. Once because he bumped into her in town and she thought he was stalking her. Other times because he parks on her street (he claims this is because the location is handy and city centre parking is otherwise difficult). They are constantly bickering over numerous things: childcare arrangements, stealing their kid's clothes from each other.
Another thing that triggered me recently (TMI): He likes blowjobs (which man doesn't?) but I find it difficult to deliver them because he has A LOT of precum (I gag). When I explained this, he said his ex didn't have a problem with it. So now I feel as though I am letting him down there.
My own divorce is not messy. My ex and I are amicable, so all this bitterness is new to me.
My question is: AIBU to feel uneasy? Is all this normal proceedings for a divorce?