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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not think an 8 year old should see a wedding as important?

96 replies

PigInMuck86 · 10/11/2016 10:21

I posted about my little sister and the saga of dress shopping. Well we managed that and she handed out save the date cards - the date is dd1s birthday. Dd1 is delighted, she is excited to be a flower girl and loves the idea of seeing her family on her birthday. She is 8 and birthdays are still a big deal so has mentioned this to lots of people. This has got reported back to little sis who is now very upset that dd1 is talking about her birthday being on the wedding. Apparently i am to explain to her that the wedding is more important and that she needs to not see it as a birthday. I'm not planning on doing anything birthday related at the wedding and nor is dd1 - she is just excited about her birthday and obv at 8 knows the date. AIBU to tell my sister she is the fecking grown up? And if she cares so much why pick that date? She had 3 choices that worked!

OP posts:

NancyJoan · 10/11/2016 20:35

Your sister is an idiot. Sorry.

haveacupoftea · 10/11/2016 20:35

Your sister sounds like a sad pathetic wanker.

honeyroar · 10/11/2016 20:42

I got married on my mum's birthday. She was 66 and I still asked her if she minded if we borrowed "her day". After the meal we had a cake with fizzing candle brought out and everyone sang. It was a nice part of the day.

I would give her a reality check. Tell her (and your mum if she's on her side) that people are going to start dreading this wedding if they don't stop being so OTT. And tell them shame on them for trying to make an 8yr old feel bad about their birthday. If need be print out this thread.

And you don't need a flashing birthday badge, you need a flashing Bridezilla badge!

Pilgit · 10/11/2016 21:01

At my wedding it was the priest who performed the ceremony's birthday. We made everyone sing happy birthday and got him a nice bottle of wine. He was in his 70s. At sisters it was a friends 40th. They did similar with a cake as well. She still thanks them for throwing her such a good party! There is no way we wouldn't have made an even bigger fuss of a child. It would add to the celebration not detract!

MrsMcMoo · 10/11/2016 21:03

How silly your sister is. She'd look every inch the lovely gracious bride if she included your dd's birthday as part of the celebration.

Sara107 · 10/11/2016 21:05

Your sister sounds immature, the day is big enough for 2 lovely things to happen! She should be delighted that her flower girl is going to have such a momentous day, share a bit of happiness! The idea that a little girls birthday will upstage her wedding is ludicrous. Tell your sister to get a grip and allow her niece to enjoy her birthday!

sparechange · 10/11/2016 21:09

My wedding fell on the same day as a guest. She didn't say anything about it, let alone complain
During my speech, we all sang happy birthday to her and yet people we still able to realise it was my wedding day.

Your sister is being ridiculous and plain mean to not be open to celebrating her birthday during the day

CoolCarrie · 10/11/2016 21:17

My great aunt's 80th birthday was on the same day as our wedding, so we surprised her with flowers, a small cake and everyone sang happy birthday to her, she was delighted! Sorry op, your sister is a nightmare, so is your mum for backing her up! Don't let her madness spoil your lovely daughter's birthday!

Partiallycloudy · 10/11/2016 21:27

And what's gonna happen when the 1st anniversary comes round?

Hippee · 10/11/2016 21:39

One of our (adult) guests had her birthday on our wedding day. I baked her a cake and we all sang happy birthday at the reception.

NorksAkimbo72 · 10/11/2016 21:56

This is awful behaviour from your DSIS! Our wedding day was also my DN's birthday...I actually felt a bit guilty for that, but we had a special cake made just for her, and everyone at the party toasted her, and sang happy birthday! She loved it...and she always remembers our anniversary!
I didn't feel one bit like it detracted from our day...it's supposed to be a family celebration!

beccabanana · 10/11/2016 22:03

I'd suggest to your sister that if she's so concerned about your 8yo being excited about her birthday out shining her wedding day, she changes the date of her wedding as she's had 364 other days to choose from

MrsKoala · 10/11/2016 22:12

It never ceases to amaze me how some people think. How can a little girls birthday affect how much you enjoy your wedding?

It reminds me of that quote 'It's not enough that one should succeed - others must fail'. But in the wedding context it would be 'it's not enough that i am getting married and having a speshul day - others must absolutely not have anything remotely interesting or special going on at the same time'. It's a wonder how some of these brides can bear to share the day even with the groom.

Oh and IT'S A LITTLE FUCKING GIRL FFS!

FeelingSmurfy · 10/11/2016 22:24

DPs family were sad at missing DDs birthday so I said don't be silly, of course they should be celebrating her birthday with her and her aunt would understand that. It's only an extra 15 people...

SerendipityPhenomenon · 10/11/2016 22:37

Is this wedding going to happen? If your sister is already weeping over finding bridesmaids, surely a point will be reached when her fiancé decides he really can't take it and will run as far away as he can possibly get.

AnneElliott · 10/11/2016 22:48

Your sister is BU. it was my cousins birthday on our wedding day. I bought him a cake, a present and got everyone to sing him happy birthday.

Graphista · 10/11/2016 23:05

Serendipity absolutely! I certainly don't see the marriage lasting long!

Op so yea your sister is the golden child. Crazy dysfunctional families eh? Trust me I understand

flipsahoy · 11/11/2016 01:13

I dare you to ask her if you can put some candles on the wedding cake to make it a double celebration.

SoTheySentMeA · 11/11/2016 01:33

I hate to sound rude but basically I think your sister is stupid. And your mother is an enabler.

If they don't understand why an 8 year old is excited about the wedding being on her birthday (which is far better than her being upset about it!) then they must be thick as shit.

I agree with pp, get DD a big sparkly musical Birthday Girl badge and a crown to wear to the wedding. DSis can stfu.

Crazycake · 11/11/2016 08:29

My Dsis and Bil are getting married in my ds birthday. They've made a big thing about it for him. They've made him an usher and even got him a cake for the evening. Dsis asked if I would mind before booking anything and apologised for hijacking his day. Your Dsis is being too precious!

ClaraLane · 11/11/2016 08:37

It was one of our flower girl's 9th birthday on our wedding day and an uncle's birthday the day after so we got them balloons which were tied to their chairs and mentioned them both in our speech. My flower girl was so excited about seeing all the family on her birthday including her uncle from America plus she got to wear a pretty dress!
In comparison, my now SIL kicked up a stink about her fiancé's sister's wedding because it was on SIL's birthday so her birthday was being "overshadowed" by the wedding

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