Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think an 8 year old should see a wedding as important?

96 replies

PigInMuck86 · 10/11/2016 10:21

I posted about my little sister and the saga of dress shopping. Well we managed that and she handed out save the date cards - the date is dd1s birthday. Dd1 is delighted, she is excited to be a flower girl and loves the idea of seeing her family on her birthday. She is 8 and birthdays are still a big deal so has mentioned this to lots of people. This has got reported back to little sis who is now very upset that dd1 is talking about her birthday being on the wedding. Apparently i am to explain to her that the wedding is more important and that she needs to not see it as a birthday. I'm not planning on doing anything birthday related at the wedding and nor is dd1 - she is just excited about her birthday and obv at 8 knows the date. AIBU to tell my sister she is the fecking grown up? And if she cares so much why pick that date? She had 3 choices that worked!

OP posts:
Original poster
PigInMuck86 · 10/11/2016 11:32

HelloChicken next August. I'm dreading what drama is next. Shes decreed that her wedding will be perfect.

Thank you for telling me im not mad. My mother agrees with my sister and thinks im the unreasonable one

OP posts:
TupsNSups · 10/11/2016 11:37

Your Mother agrees with your Sister?

wtf!

akkakk · 10/11/2016 11:40

ask her where to put the birthday cake / where the birthday girl's presents should go, and make sure that the catering is suitable for your DD's entire class who are all invited to her birthday party at the wedding venue Grin after all she is only little so no-one will notice them, and they don't eat much... Mention that you are getting a birthday photographer and won't it be great that the whole family will be there to be in the photos Grin

you can have such fun with this one... (or tell her to get a grip!)

Stitchintimesaves9 · 10/11/2016 11:40

Any chance the message got a bit lost/exagerated in translation? it doesn't sound like you heard this directly OP

If not then YANBU - I think DC's birthday should make the day more special!

Tryingtostayyoung · 10/11/2016 11:41

How pathetic!! Mine and DH wedding was on my dads birthday, he was absolutely delighted as we are to share that day with him. At our wedding we had a special cake for him and presented it to him at the end of my DHs speech, the whole room sang happy birthday and he said it's the best birthday he ever had. It didn't take it away from my wedding at all. She's a child how can her birthday be ignored.

ISpeakJive · 10/11/2016 11:46

So your soon-to-be-married sister is actually worried that a little 8 year old girl's birthday will take away the attention from her wedding.

I've bloody heard it all now.....

HarryPottersMagicWand · 10/11/2016 11:50

What! YADNBU. I'd make a point of at least giving my child a birthday cake at the reception, which I would have done anyway. IT'S n 8 year old birthday, your sister is a self absorbed twat if she can't bear to share her wedding day with her niece's birthday, she shouldn't have gone with that date then should she.

We got married on a relatives birthday. I was quite pleased about it and we made sure he had his birthday bit in the morning when we were all getting ready for the wedding (he was an adult though a big deal didn't need to be made but it would never have occurred to me that his birthday had to be ignored just because it was also the day we were getting married too, this is what normal unselfish people do).

Starlight2345 · 10/11/2016 11:50

YANBU..I now want to find your previous thread on the subject.

At 8 birthdays are still very important.

I shall look forward to many threads of her bridezillaness before next August.

Starlight2345 · 10/11/2016 11:59

Just read the shopping one...Did you actually go?

She sounds like hard work..Be relieved she lives 250 miles away.

I am astonished a teacher has no idea that birthdays are special...At our school they always sing happy birthday if its your birthday on a school day and sing happy birthday in assembly for everyone in the week.

itsbetterthanabox · 10/11/2016 11:59

How pathetic.
Of course your dd is excited, it's her birthday and a wedding!
Your sister better get her a present still!
My friends birthday is the day of my hen do. It was the only date she wasn't away that everyone could do!
I'm still going to give her a present and sing her happy birthday Smile.

WorkAccount · 10/11/2016 12:02

sounds like someone I know who got angry her sister was getting married the same YEAR as her.

altiara · 10/11/2016 12:18

YANBU! There are no words without ranting Shock

SerendipityPhenomenon · 10/11/2016 12:20

Tell her that there is no way you will refuse to allow your child to acknowledge her own birthday. If she doesn't like it, she can choose a different date for her wedding.

Graphista · 10/11/2016 12:35

Wow! Your mother agrees with her?!

A - explains why your sis is such an entitled twat - is she a 'golden child' by any chance?

B - how the fuck did you turn out normal?

Personally at this point I'd be giving serious consideration to not going at all and telling her so!

KatharinaRosalie · 10/11/2016 12:36

You really should stand up for yourself and your DD here (who sounds lovely and way more mature than your sister)
Your sister could have picked any other day, but she decided that she will take the actual birthday of her niece. And now she does not want her niece to even be excited. What a self-absorbed cow.

EmzDisco · 10/11/2016 12:39

You only turn 9 years old once! Your sister could potentially get married many times!

Your sister is being ridiculous, sounds like she's got her priorities a bit screwed up if she's worried about being upstaged by an 8 year olds birthday on her wedding day.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/11/2016 12:44

I'd be inclined to tell her to stick her wedding where the sun don't shine, but. In doing that you'd be hurting your dd as she's excited about being a flower girl

TheNameIsBarbara · 10/11/2016 12:48

I would play it out like this - DD being bridesmaid, no badge, no flashy crown etc while DD walks down the aisle with your Sis, then once the ceremony is over, I'd take DD to the toilet and bling her up brighter than blackpool - so badge, crown, flashing sash if needs be.

I'd probably also remind family members at the wedding of DD's birthday and probably get in some birthday cake.

Your Sister is a complete cow and your mother is not much better OP. Your little girl is turning 9 - they love birthdays at that age, and she is being gracious enough to share her day with her batshit Aunt, so the courtesy should be shown both ways.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2016 13:16

Not only does your sister sound unhinged, but a really bad auntie, wanting a little girl not to celebrate her birthday just because its her wedding day. Any decent Auntie, would incoperate her nieces birthday into part of the celebration. Like after the speech, getting a little cake from a supermarket and wishing her niece a very happy birthday and getting her to blow out the candle and make a wish. Very me me me, self centred. I would seriously tell her to do one!

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 10/11/2016 13:37

If you're who I think, I remember the post about dress shopping....

Your "D"Sis needs to get a grip.... the world doesn't revolve around her.... fair enough it may have not been possible to get a different date for venue etc but she should just try to think back to being 8 ....

Your birthday at that age is your special day and a year is a bloody long time.... your DD is being fab being so happy that it's on her birthday rather than complaining ....

And your "D"M needs to get a grip too....

Original poster
PigInMuck86 · 10/11/2016 18:51

Just to answer a couple of points -

no she didn't say this to me. Big sis mentioned how cute dd1 was being and little sis got cross. Big sis rang me to warn me as true to form little sis rings mum in tears who then rings me. So a very reliable source - we back each other up, sane ones stick together.

my little sis is "the baby" and therefore sensitive and delicate in my mothers world. Big sis and I are eternally grateful that we escaped my mothers full on parenting as it meant we turned out normal.

Off to amazon birthday crowns. And ignore the 40 min phone call she has just had with my mother (who is babysitting - shes batshit but fully capable of supervising sleeping children) sobbing about the difficulty of choosing bridesmaids....

OP posts:
Leanback · 10/11/2016 19:29

My friends 8 year old brother had to attend funeral for his aunt on his birthday. Could be worse.

Tell your sister that it's a good thing DD is excited about it being her birthday and her wedding. Lots of people and children might feel grumpy about the crossover but your daughters being very gracious.

DudeWheresMyVulva · 10/11/2016 20:21

Op, what previous posters have said is true. You only get to turn 9 once. Tell your sister; 'Please next time you get married can you make sure it is not on DD's birthday?'

Then sit back and wait.

[evil cackle]

rumpelstiltskin43 · 10/11/2016 20:32

Is it legal for your sister to get married when she's 12. Wink

User1234567891011 · 10/11/2016 20:34

I say you tell your sister ''I'm glad DD isn't upset about sharing her birthday with your wedding. Luckily she's 8 so she's more mature than that.''.

Swipe left for the next trending thread