to be mortified at school pick up

[Headachehattie123]

After being questioned by a dad as to why my 6 year old son in year 1 had hit his 5 year old son in year R at lunchtime today 😢
It left a mark on the child's cheek and was intentional.
It came about as my son became jealous that his younger brother ( also year R ) wouldn't play with him at lunchtime so he said " I'm going to punch him " and younger brother ( 4 years old but quite academic and far more astute ) told him to do it.
Mortified this happened but even more mortified that this is now playground talk which could have been avoided if the bloody school had let me know
General protocol has always been to ring the parents of injured child if there's a mark and also parent of the child who caused it if it was intentional which this was and they've told NEITHER of us hence the dad collecting his son, seeing this mark and asking his son who did it before storming over to me.
Playground lady dealt with it at the time and told my son he was going in the bad behaviour book and she was informing his teacher so why was none of us told
Aibu to ask teacher tomorrow what happened here to cause unnecessary crap?

Rrross1ges, it's so true! My ds was terrorised by gang of reception children when he was in yr2.

I think this could have been avoided if the school had done what they usually do and contacted both parties.
I think it's unfair to label the dad a 'thug' and 'clown' when he was probably very upset to come to collect his son to see a bruise on his cheek without warning.

I have spoken to school which I'm pleased about as the mum was waiting to speak to her too
It seems lunchtime lady didn't think it needed bringing to parents / teachers attention as no mark at the time
I have explained this Led to the dad asking me what happened and it was uncomfortable etc and she apologised and said she would speak to both of my sons and would also try and guide them apart at lunchtime

Good update.
Kali I agree with your post

That's good op.
she should have told the teacher so they could have informed you and the other parent.

I wonder if he'd have stormed over to your DH

This.

And it is very unhelpful for people to post on here about "what are you doing about your son's behaviour". FGS. When things happen in school, the school deals. You do not have altercations between parents in the playground.

I can't see anything wrong with approaching the parent of a child who has hit yours

I disagree. What does it achieve?

Yeah I agree it just makes things difficult if parents approach each other. It just causes bad feeling and gains nothing

Well a slightly confusing version of events now have happened today
I collected my son today and his teacher said " today there had been another incident of him hurting a child in year R so we have had to speak to him again about kind hands and so on, it's been put in the bad behaviour book "
I was so shocked, after he spent an hour last night making a card for the child he hurt, I just couldn't believe he would do this!
I asked him on the way to collect my younger one what happened and he said he bumped into someone, that the kid went and told the lunchtime lady who said " if it was on purpose that's very unkind, if an accident be more careful " my son said sorry for not looking where he was going and it ended there
I then checked with my other sons teacher as she's the teacher for the boy he hurt too ( me and the mother are friends outside school ) who knew nothing of this!!!
So I asked for her to look into it and speak to me tomorrow as felt it very unfair for him to be assumed to be guilty based on yesterday if nothing was actually seen
Teacher rang me about an hour ago saying sorry, nothing was seen and this is what the other boy had said so they had taken his word for it and reprimanded mine
I did remind them that the same boy told them that my younger son bit him continuously for the first week of term when my son wasn't even in as was off with chickenpox!
She said she had let my older sons teacher know and would remove it from the behaviour book
Thank god I didn't just take their word for it

Sounds like there are some serious communication issues between supervisors at lunch and teachers, and a failure to have restorative chats to find out what really happened.

You should be concerned about their (lack of) behavior management style.

I am very concerned

Headachechattie I'd be very concerned too.

I'd be concerned that the lunch ladies were not complying with school policy as regards dealing with small incidents at the time but more worrying for me is that one child's word was taken as gospel by a teacher who was not only not present but who had not discussed the incident with both of the children or the adult on duty

FGS, that's parenting/childcare 101, find out what actually happened. If I had a £1 for every time I have investigated a 'they hit/hurt me' claim in our house only to discover that the injured party not only started what led to being hurt but that it was, in actuality an accident I'd be loaded

Raise the issues with the school in strong terms, seems to me that there is an undercurrent of 'lunchtime blindness' which sadly is not uncommon in schools.

god that's really crap, how disappointing that the school seems to be so incompetent wrt behaviour management and communication.

I feel sorry for your little boy who is fast being turned into scapegoat. Makes you realise how easily kids pick up negative labels. So bloody stupid, too, they are tiny and will of course be still learning to successfully manage socially.