to be mortified at school pick up

[Headachehattie123]

After being questioned by a dad as to why my 6 year old son in year 1 had hit his 5 year old son in year R at lunchtime today 😢
It left a mark on the child's cheek and was intentional.
It came about as my son became jealous that his younger brother ( also year R ) wouldn't play with him at lunchtime so he said " I'm going to punch him " and younger brother ( 4 years old but quite academic and far more astute ) told him to do it.
Mortified this happened but even more mortified that this is now playground talk which could have been avoided if the bloody school had let me know
General protocol has always been to ring the parents of injured child if there's a mark and also parent of the child who caused it if it was intentional which this was and they've told NEITHER of us hence the dad collecting his son, seeing this mark and asking his son who did it before storming over to me.
Playground lady dealt with it at the time and told my son he was going in the bad behaviour book and she was informing his teacher so why was none of us told
Aibu to ask teacher tomorrow what happened here to cause unnecessary crap?

And: the dad has no right to approach your child!!why don't you step up in this case?if you want to protect your child,don't act like a child yourself

The fact that your son is upset & cried over the incident sounds like he regrets hitting the other boy & that he has learnt his lesson. I expect the issue happened at lunchtime or break & the teachers might not even know about the incident.
As a teacher I can assure you that this type of behaviour occurs every day. As he is upset, I personally wouldn't worry. As for the other boys dad, you apologised-what more can you do? Don't worry about it.

he called after me that he couldn't believe a year 1 child would hit a year R child

He's got a lot to learn. I work in a primary school and deal with a dozen incidents like this every day. Unless it's serious (for example my son's nose was broken in reception) or perpetual we don't call parents in - they'd be queuing out of the door! It's a fantastic school by the way and we're very strict but our pupils are young children and they are in the process of learning appropriate behaviour and social interaction.

Can't believe that a child in year 1 would hit a child in reception but thinks it's perfectly acceptable to shout at a woman and her small children in the schoolyard?

Wow. Just wow.

The school may well have decided it was 'no big deal' and had been dealt with internally hence the lack of information.

Regardless don't take it to heart. Deal with your son(s) as you see appropriate, consult with the school as regards being approached in the playground and then draw a line under it.

💐

Hi, honestly, stop worrying about it. Kids develop impulse control at different times & as it's not a regular occurance your DS is doing OK. Clearly he needed to be 'told off' but that should have been handled at school.

Don't worry about the other parents. They are small children and 'there for the grace of God' go any of them! Including the mothers of little girls!

As for the boys being together in the playground, the boys & the staff, will work through it. At the moment it's new & exciting! You might need to instill into them both that if the other one wants to play together but they do not, they have the right to say 'not today' and for that to be accepted. Explain that they both need their own friends too.

What is that mans excuse? He's plenty old enough for his impulse control to be working just fine. He's a bully, he wouldn't have done the same thing to a man.

Talk to the teacher, this needs noting because the father might need speaking to. He cannot go around intimidating other parents & children.

I hope your Mum is better soon 💐

Dreading seeing him again in the playground this morning
He seems to do more drop offs and pick ups than mum so I'm hoping he doesn't come over again
Our schools protocol has always been to call both sets of parents if an injury which leaves a mark happens, it may be that at the time there wasn't a mark but as there was by the end of the day, that should have been what happened
It wouldn't have changed anything but it would have at least prepared me for it instead of being confused, wondering what was going on and having to ask children in a playground
I will be mentioning it to school this morning, for both reasons that I think I should have been told as how can I correct at home if I'm not aware as a poster said above, but also to let her know the dad seems very angry and I'm not sure what will happen next 😢

I think the school should know that both of your sons were involved, if they don't already, and so they both should be punished. Re: the dad, I have to say I agree with him. It's not 'normal'. I have a 6 year old nephew and a 5 year old neice and neither would punch a younger child, and when they have been hit it's always been dealt with swiftly and severely at school.

Whilst I think that the dad shouldn't have done what he done, I myself would have been furious if it were my child that was hit.

My DS was recently pushed over intentionally and developed a nasty head injury. DH and I was livid. Regardless of whether or not children ' are learning how to develop their social skills etc etc' a 6 year old should not be displaying that kind of behaviour. In the case of my DS, it could have been a lot more serious, so whilst these might be 'everyday' occurrences, children need to understand clearly the implications of their actions and such behaviour should be dealt with appropriately and firmly.

I sympathise with you op and yes I would be having a word with you the School, but truth of it is your 6 year old should no way be intentionally hitting another child in the face.

Fleur OP has said there isn't a size difference - that's what kids see at age 5/6, they don't quiz each other on DOB before deciding whether to thump one another

As parent of a tall for the year child (as well as a small for the year and average height children) I've found that when children are very young in school the tiny ones get away with murder - small children injuring slightly bigger but still very young children is punished far more leniently or even not at all.

Older siblings also tend to come off worse in terms of parental and caregiver response when children are young school age with a small gap. A child very slightly younger has far more licence to attack or taunt their older sibling, and a disproportionate level of maturity is often expected of a child only a little bit older to restrain their emotions and not respond.

Personally I believe both of your children are pretty bad. The one who punched and one who told him to do it.

Pretty bad?!
This is the first and isolated thing my older son has done
He was hit 7 times if memory serves me correctly last year, mainly year 1 children when he was in year R actually - some quite bad injuries and some not so much but bad enough for a mark to be left each time hence knowing they usually call as the other parent generally would then contact me to say sorry
Of course, in this instance he has behaved badly but they aren't "bad" children so that's an unfair comment
I want both children spoken to and maybe guided apart at lunchtime if jealousy is going to be a factor in things like this, as I say it's never happened before - in fact he never even retaliated when hit last year so I can only imagine he was hurt his younger brother wasn't playing with him

Also, he does know the other child is younger by year group but as I said they are nearly the same height
My son went and told a teacher just yesterday after a year 1 boy was spitting all over a reception girl and when I asked him about it he kept saying " she was just so tiny mum " so I think he generally wouldn't hurt a smaller child

I had this when my son hit another in school nursery he was 4.The boys mother humiliated me at a christmas play in front of a whole playground of parents waiting to go into the performance.she still stares and is very hostel towards to me 6 years on.When a child has hit my son which has happened i let the school deal with it .

Sorry I meant that they both behaved badly in this instance. I think that he didn't do it last year without the younger's encouragement means that the seperation may be best and also that both should be in trouble.

Don't worry, the dad has now marked himself out as a prize shitclown. As long as you stayed calm, it doesn't reflect badly on you.

As an ex teacher I think shouty man is going to be very embarrassed when his little angel displays the behaviour he accosted you for. You should definitely talk to the school about him though, they need to have words with him about behaving appropriately towards other parents.

Also having a good chuckle at all the parents on here who think their little darlings have never so much as pushed another child. Believe me, they have. If you haven't heard about it then it just means it wasn't a major incident.

I think it's madness when parents get involved. The kids are friends within a day or so. And the parent is still at it

There seems to be a lot of hitting at that school. Your son was hit seven times? That seems a lot to me.

Anyways, you need to be able to handle other parents, it's not a big stressful deal. If you see the dad approach him and say sorry as to what happened and how you're dealing with it. Show a United front, Being scared to see him isn't a good example. Neither is blaming the school for not telling uou. Why do you need to prepare yourself so need to be told in advance? Time for your big girl pants.

On the other thread, Op said September born 6 years old hit nearly 5 years old....so the other child is still 4.
I would concentrate on how to deal with ds rather than trying to make issue with other dad.

Just because there wasn't a size difference doesn't make it any less right or wrong. Hitting is always wrong, and you need to teach both of your DS that asap.

I can really feel for you. I remember my son swinging a large wooden bat around (apparently being a helicopter) and giving another child in reception a large black eye. I recall the mortification at pick up and drop off.

This was 11 years ago. We laugh about it now. Children are children, especially little children in reception. They act out on impulse.

You are not responsible for your child's behaviour at school, the school are.

If ever challenged in play ground again give a brief but genuine apology to the parents concerned. Say you will be having a talk with DS at home to ensure he understands what he's done and then walk away or change the subject.

Other parents want to know you have understood, been sincere, and will deal with the undesirable behaviour and consequences.

It shouldn't affect your relationship with other parents at school gates. You may find you get to meet other parents with lively boys because if it.

TBH the dad is being a dick

Yes of course you feel awful, but what can you possibly do that you're not already doing?

They're little kids, they're learning, the adults around them are doing their best... sheesh, everyone needs to back off a bit.

Fleur nobody is disputing that hitting is wrong, but if the children are roughly the same size there is no big power disparity between them - your previous post was about how your nephew and niece "would never hit a younger child" and the dad also made a big deal of the OP's son being in year 1 and his is year R.

Kids do hit occasionally but I am also surprised at the number of incidents OP's son experienced as a victim last year and that a few others have mentioned their children experiencing - I've got 3 school age kids, both sexes if that is considered relevant, but have only ever been notified of them being involved in 2 hitting incidents between them (one as victim, one as aggressor - not the same child). Others may have occurred but non serious enough to be communicated to me nor mentioned by kids (and mine are quite talkative) They have mentioned other kids hitting each other a couple of times too, but not often.

A card is nice.

Forget the present though, that's not necessary.

Also having a good chuckle at all the parents on here who think their little darlings have never so much as pushed another child. Believe me, they have. If you haven't heard about it then it just means it wasn't a major incident

So true. And don't be fooled into thinking that the big children in year 1 are terrorising the Reception babies. Every incident of hitting/biting/kicking/punching/scratching/headbutting/pinching/pushing I have dealt with this week, bar one*, has been perpetrated by children in reception.

*The exception was a boy in year 1 who went vampire on me. The school would normally contact the parents for that but there was no need because he's my son 😄