to be mortified at school pick up

[Headachehattie123]

After being questioned by a dad as to why my 6 year old son in year 1 had hit his 5 year old son in year R at lunchtime today 😢
It left a mark on the child's cheek and was intentional.
It came about as my son became jealous that his younger brother ( also year R ) wouldn't play with him at lunchtime so he said " I'm going to punch him " and younger brother ( 4 years old but quite academic and far more astute ) told him to do it.
Mortified this happened but even more mortified that this is now playground talk which could have been avoided if the bloody school had let me know
General protocol has always been to ring the parents of injured child if there's a mark and also parent of the child who caused it if it was intentional which this was and they've told NEITHER of us hence the dad collecting his son, seeing this mark and asking his son who did it before storming over to me.
Playground lady dealt with it at the time and told my son he was going in the bad behaviour book and she was informing his teacher so why was none of us told
Aibu to ask teacher tomorrow what happened here to cause unnecessary crap?

Ds school don't tell the parents who It is.

Agree that parents who wade in like this are thugs. I witnessed a very heated row (lots of shouting and swearing) between 2 boys in the cloakroom. Was just rushing off to work and quickly informed the teacher before I left the school. 2 days later, the father of one of the boys marched over shouting and pointing his finger at me calling me a tell tale school child and heartless because I had ruined his child's reputation. Utterly bonkers and completely unhinged!

The age gap is a red herring and silly to bring up - there could be a bigger gap between kids within a school year than the oldest in year R and youngest in year 1 anyway.

I did once approach a mum whose son had given mine a black eye - her younger, smaller son... I'd taught my poor kid to be gentle with smaller children so he "turned the other cheek" and also didn't tell his teacher what had happened... So although they told me he had a black eye they asked me to talk to him as he wouldn't tell them what happened.

I knew the mum and saw her in the park and said hello and quietly told her that I knew kids don't always see things the same way so could she ask her son what had happened between him and my son - he looked sticker and confessed and she apologised and dragged him home. I didn't blame her whatsoever and the boys are still on/ off friends 5 years later - actually both of them missed the bus yesterday because they were kept back for talking and she picked them up, and they usually walk to the bus stop together.

It'll blow over.

I think you're concentrating on the wrong issue here. Instead of banging on about whether or not you were informed, how about talking to your son about his behaviour.

The other kid is 5 as we went to his party last month so a year between them although size wise not much in it
Older son does need to control himself 100% although he does retaliate if hit out of school in parks and so on he has never instigated before so this is new to us

What are you doing about your sons' behaviour. If you want to teach them a lesson and take the heat out if the situation, hand written letters of apology would not go amiss.

Sorry I should have included that we have already made cards this evening for the boy - each child made one for him and my eldest son has used his pocket money to buy him a Lego figure to say sorry

The dad was totally out of order. My DD haswallowed been pushed in the playground by an older boy recently, but it never occurred to me to hunt him and his parents down. Any of our little angels could do this.

Kid's hit. It happens. My son bit another child last year.
I apologised to the mum. Told my son never to do that again. End of story.

Doesn't need to be a big drama.

I'm sorry the nasty aggressive dad came over to you in the playground, how immature and inflammatory. I feel sorry for your son. You obviously care about his behaviour hence your concern, so I'm not concerned about your children's behaviour.

Don't be too OTT with feeling mortified. A genuine and heartfelt sorry was presumably give - end of the story.

Shame the school didnt pass message on but presumably an oversight.

Don't feel bad about trolls or smart alecs who want to make you feel bad about this by having digs about your parenting.

Chill out. Nothing terrible has happened. Your son is fine. The other kid will be fine. It's all fine.

I suspect all of the children could have behaved better and the father was not into have a go at you like this on the playground.
I think the father knew very well that you would feel intimidated (if it had been another father, esp if that man had been looking bigger or stronger than him, I'm pretty sure that he would have dared having a go the way he did.

I would go and see the school and let them know of the altercation. Then ask them to follow their own procedures (let the parents know) to avoid such issues.
I would also ask them what they did following the incident, in particular, I assume they talk to your ds1 but have they also talked to youR ds2 for egging him on?
I would want to understand too why your ds1 was so keen on playing with his brother. I would have expected him to be playing wth his peers rather than a year under child. Is there some friendship issue going on there?

Then have a word too with both dcs re their behaviour and keep an eye on it when they are at home.

My Yr 1 DS spat at a boy in Reception (deliberately). I was beyond mortified, made DS write a letter of apology, agreed a punishment with school etc. DS has never done anything like that since.

If it was the talk of the playground, it won't be for much longer, I promise. I agree school should have been in touch with you both in advance of pick up

Thankyou rebel,
Slightly emotional at the moment as my mother is very unwell so this isn't a needed stress at the moment
Hummus,
I agree and think younger son needs to be spoken to by his teacher too about this as he isn't blameless
No friendship issues, older son is just excited that his little brother is suddenly in the playground with him at lunchtime as they only integrated year R and year 1/2 last week following half term

The Dad dealt with it badly. Our school advise to always let them deal with it. I once saw an agressive mother storm up to another mum in the playground shouting about her 6 year old hitting her son and shouting at the little boy in front of a crowd of parents just before morning bell. The other mum was in tears and really skaken by it but reported it straight to a member of staff on duty. It was sorted between the children without any further issues but the shouty Mum made herself look pathetic really.

I wonder if he'd have stormed over to your DH.

I think the dad was wrong to approach you BUT you were also wrong!Why would you engage with somebody like that, AND ask your son what happend ?? Why not say to the dad: What are you talking about?I wasn't there,I have no idea what happened!please speak to the school."and walk away!you can't be responsible for what your child does while in care of others.

I think he was just being a bit protective as his son might have been upset. The boy may not have told his teacher & so it might have not been something they were aware of, which is perhaps why you weren't informed. I do agree that kids are kids etc. but neither of my kids have yet hit out at another child, DS has been on the receiving end and it's not that nice.
I would be more cross with my son than the other parent tbh.
You have definitely done the right thing to do the cards and getting the mini figure - it shows you care. It will most likely blow over.

I asked him as I was shocked and the dad also directly asked him hence him crying
Then younger son volunteered it so it was hard to get out then

Nightmare scenario. Been on both ends. School needs to be in charge of it all, whoever to blame or not to blame. When my child hurts others I need to know, so I can make sure my child knows what right or wrong. And deal wth it. But I also want to know when my child is hurt and not find out at stupid o'clock with child screaming in pain in because school is only dealing with the parents of the one who offended. After 3rd or 4th offence and school not doing a dam thing. I have been that parent who has told other parents what their child has done in no uncertain terms. And just to say I'm usually the parent who tells their kids, accident so was not meant hurt anyone, whilst my kids looking at you as if to say, really makes no sense

Try not to worry about what other people are saying - the Dad was just stressed out. Agree that having brothers a year apart might make things more difficult as they probably play fight at home. It will be old news by the end of the week.

The Dad was wrong to approach you - way out of line.

It happened at school. Neither of you witnessed it. Small dc don't tell the full truth.

That is your complaint to the school. Why is this man approaching me in the playground?

My dc has been punched in the face about 5 times since starting - now year 6. Two of these have required her glasses needing repair.

What would that tell you?

It can result from a host of different things. She hit someone first, she told someone they couldn't play, she trod on someone's toe accidentally, she ripped a sticker off someone else's picture to put on her own.

There are two sides to every story. You weren't there to be able to tell. Neither was other parent. Go in and ask what happened. Then, and only then, apologise if you need to.

But he is way out of order approaching you in the playground.

I can imagine you were shocked but it's not ok to let your little boy explain (who probably doesn't know what's going on and didn't mean to hit the other child anyway- kids do shit nobody understands)!however YOU are the adult - act like one!sorry,if that's harsh.

I was so shocked I just apologised and tried to leave whilst he called after me that he couldn't believe a year 1 child would hit a year R child.

Clearly the other dad doesn't get out much and frankly, sounds ridiculous if he said this out loud. Year 1 children are 5 turning 6 years old. Reception children are 4 turning 5 years old. What does he think magically happens with that small chronological age difference there... There's only a month between some of them!

I wouldn't pay him any attention.

He is a a Dick - you don't do that - you let the school handle it - he'll learn