Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Teenage sons food demands / trouble at meal times

99 replies

Boom123 · 09/11/2016 18:57

Today as I picked my son up from school he did his usual thing of asking what was for dinner.

The last three nights he's had KFC, and two meals of his choice cooked from a cook book but tonight I said these are the options I'm not doing anything from the book! This was at 3.30 and despite and hours break from 4-5 we have argued about this with him throwing good food in the bin, frozen food on the floor and constantly looking in the cupboards whilst staying that I'm pathetic, don't listen, that the food is rubbish and he's starving.

I've cooked the food (steak and chips) and said take it or leave it to then find the dog running towards me with the steak in his mouth! The arguement thrb escalated to things he hates about me and how he prefers his dad and time with him, (we shared the kids 50/50). What would you advise as I've said I'm the adult, I haven't got an endless supply of money. I've briefly messaged my ex not asking him to have a word but to see if he's like it with him and for his advice as previously he's sided with my son nf told me to deal with it.

OP posts:

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/11/2016 20:23

What scurryfunge said.

Serialweightwatcher · 09/11/2016 20:23

Ooooh I would be absolutely fuming if either of my teenage sons threw food/gave it to the dog etc - if mine for any reason don't want what's on offer I tell one of them to make beans on toast and the other (who is mega fussy) to make scrambled eggs ......... don't allow him to waste food without paying for it somehow

Arfarfanarf · 09/11/2016 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amandahugandkisses · 09/11/2016 20:30

He is using food as a kind of currency to manipulate you. He knows you want to feed him so it's like a tactic.
I really hope you get it sorted with the great advice on here.

MissMogwi · 09/11/2016 20:31

Make the tea. He eats it or he doesn't. Let him make himself some toast.

I have teens, I know they can be a hormonal pain the arse, but I wouldn't accept toddler tantrums like that. Throwing food in the bin? Giving it to the dog? Wtf.

Stop pandering to him.

Original poster

Boom123 · 09/11/2016 20:32

What's the easier route?

OP posts:

Horsepower9 · 09/11/2016 20:38

Sit down with him and together plan a weeks meals. Get him to help with the shopping and food prep for each meal. Make him involved in every step it's prob not the food that's the issue and he sounds like s typical teen to me.

MikeUniformMike · 09/11/2016 20:41

Cook the meal you planned. Be firm. He is pushing his luck and trying to use food to manipulate you. If he gives the food to the dog dock his pocket money.

EmmaMacGill · 09/11/2016 20:42

I agree with PPs is not about the food. He's used to having a male influence throwing his weight around and getting result.
All teenage boys go through a similar phase of testing boundaries so that's quite normal but this is becoming extreme. You need to get a bit tougher, that doesn't need to be shouting and screaming. You don't need to get into slanging matches with him.
Just very calmly say this is how it will be, be that what you cook for dinner, what time he has to come home on Saturday night or what time he needs to get up in the morning. Then let him know he can take it or leave it but leaving it will me forfiting treats or privelidges.
It will be tough for both of you but he will learn

AdoraBell · 09/11/2016 20:52

My 15 yr old has started complaining that there is no food in the house, despite cupboards, fridge and freezer being full. Last time I told her if she continues with this there will be no food in the house.

SabineUndine · 09/11/2016 20:59

he eats what you cook, or gets scrambled eggs on toast.

Original poster

Boom123 · 09/11/2016 21:08

Thanks everyone this is the first time I've posted and good to get loads of replies

OP posts:

pklme · 09/11/2016 21:16

I had a child that tried to control me through food. What worked for us was that he could have what we were having or a sandwich or cereal. This seemed to take the pressure off, and he soon ate with us.

As he is older, how about take turns to pick what is for tea. So still have the option, but one night it's your menu, the next your DS chooses, then your DD. But still have the option on the other nights.

I know it sounds like pandering, but sometimes you need to remove the opportunity to have a battle.

EmmaMacGill · 09/11/2016 21:18

It must be dificult raising a teenage boy alone, especially if his father is so 'challenging'
You can get through it and he will get better but you do need to be strong. That's what he needs right now even if he doesn't think it.

ratspeaker · 10/11/2016 16:40

Ah, I see the disrespect has been learned from his father.

He's maybe trying to see if he can get away with the same.

Try the " we're having this, if you dont like it theres stuff to make yourself a sandwich"
I still think learning tocook would be good for him, it gives a measure of control

80sWaistcoat · 10/11/2016 16:50

My stepson was like this - he wasn't rude or disrespectful like the OP's son. But he never wanted what was available for tea (he would also get 'hangry' and quite difficult but so does his Dad and that was a different thing).

This was a power thing and we think it was a way of making his feelings heard about the divorce.

My DH initially would pander to him - but eventually it was just a it's x or it's y or you cook it yourself.

It got better as DH and him got better about the divorce and the new family situation - they talked about it a lot. He found it better to talk to him when they were in the car and he was giving him a lift somewhere - never when he was 'hangry'. It was hard and difficult for a couple of years.

EnoughAlready43 · 10/11/2016 16:59

your son sounds awful.
you need to stand up for yourself.

Nataleejah · 10/11/2016 16:59

Send him to Daddy full time (for a while) and have some rest.

Greyponcho · 10/11/2016 17:04

I second distancecall - he's acting out and views you as being the unreasonable one in the family who is stopping you all from being a big happy family in his eyes.
But if he wants to be the 'big man about the house' he needs to stop tantrumming over food like a little toddler.
TBH sounds like he needs to speak to a counsellor about it & gain some proper perspective for his frustrations.
for you OP

paxillin · 10/11/2016 17:09

Well, since your DS gave his food to the dog, maybe offer him a tin of Pedigree Pal instead.

RoundandAroundSheGoes · 10/11/2016 17:11

He needs counselling/CAMHS input, this kind of anger isn't normal. Given your information about the incredibly dysfunctional living situation, it makes sense.

He is probably really emotional about the whole thing, especially given you stayed living in the same house for months after! It must have been absolute hell for your son.

previously1474907171 · 10/11/2016 17:11

Give him the money for Kentucky or Big Mac, send him off to fetch it, lock the door and don't let him back in. Tell him to go and stay with his Dad.

madcatwoman61 · 10/11/2016 20:03

I had 4 teenagers, and hated cooking. I cooked one meal, and anyone who didn't like it went without. He's angry at the situation and has found a way of winding you up - stop being wound up, and it will lose its power for him. Also, MacDonalds and KFC are treats, not food!

pandarific · 10/11/2016 20:42

Another one for the it's not about the food thing. I would suggest you repost on the relationships board OP, you will get some great advice on there. for you, sounds like a tough situation.

Flip

1 2 3 4