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Original poster

Teenage sons food demands / trouble at meal times

99 replies

Boom123 · 09/11/2016 18:57

Today as I picked my son up from school he did his usual thing of asking what was for dinner.

The last three nights he's had KFC, and two meals of his choice cooked from a cook book but tonight I said these are the options I'm not doing anything from the book! This was at 3.30 and despite and hours break from 4-5 we have argued about this with him throwing good food in the bin, frozen food on the floor and constantly looking in the cupboards whilst staying that I'm pathetic, don't listen, that the food is rubbish and he's starving.

I've cooked the food (steak and chips) and said take it or leave it to then find the dog running towards me with the steak in his mouth! The arguement thrb escalated to things he hates about me and how he prefers his dad and time with him, (we shared the kids 50/50). What would you advise as I've said I'm the adult, I haven't got an endless supply of money. I've briefly messaged my ex not asking him to have a word but to see if he's like it with him and for his advice as previously he's sided with my son nf told me to deal with it.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 09/11/2016 19:38

His dad has said repeatedly that we could all be together, that he'd apologised but mummy didn't want to know and he misses me which hasn't helped

Oh God. It's not about the food. He's angry with you because you think you are the one treating his father badly and preventing you all from being a family again etc. I think talking to a professional would be a good idea. He's going to display his anger in other ways.

insan1tyscartching · 09/11/2016 19:39

Can you do a meal plan with each of you suggesting a menu for different days? On the days he doesn't want what is offered he gets to make himself egg or beans on toast.
You will win eventually 14 year old boys are hungry,he'll not go without food for long intentionally so carry on with take it or leave because he will crack before you do Wink

P1nkP0ppy · 09/11/2016 19:41

Either he eats what you cook or goes without.
His behaviour is abusive, presumably he witnessed your ex's behaviour and assumes that's how you behave to get your own way?
If it was my DS he'd have been grounded, sent to his room and no internet access for a month.
If he does it again then he goes to his father's.

FoofFighter · 09/11/2016 19:44

This isn't about food.

How recent is the break-up?

He's treating you like this because that's all he's ever seen and known from when his father was still there.

Counselling an option? Catch it in the bud before the cycle continues with his own partner later on :(

AppleAndBlackberry · 09/11/2016 19:44

I am one of those parents who often cooks 2 different meals, but it's usually 2 variations on a theme, or something very simple like pizza for the one who won't eat the main meal. I take the view that you can't force them to eat, you can only encourage them to try new foods. Of course if it's a meal I know the child likes and has eaten before then it's that or nothing, but I don't fight battles over food they're not keen on.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 09/11/2016 19:48

He gave his steak to the dog! Shock Bloody ungrateful swine, I'd kill for a steak dinner right now!

I'd go with one of these
• eat what I cook or go hungry
•pps suggestion of giving him a budget and telling him he's buying and cooking his own food from now on.

If I'd have dared try that with my mum aged 14 I think the rest of my months meals would have to of been liquidised!

Whatsername17 · 09/11/2016 19:50

What consequences is he facing for his rude behaviour towards you? Calling you pathetic would result in loss of something important. Mobile phone? Play station? I think you need to take this behaviour in hand with a firm routine/dicipline system.

justilou · 09/11/2016 19:53

Is your son Donald Trump by any chance? Disrespectful little twerp.

CotswoldStrife · 09/11/2016 19:54

I am also wondering if the break up is recent - this doesn't really sound as if it's about the food. Has he shown this kind of attitude before or is it recent?

Happyhippy45 · 09/11/2016 19:54

I'd say he was either hangry or has anger issues over something else. I've never know a teenage boy to turn down steak and chips. I've also never known one to smash up the place and feed the steak to the dog. He's being a twat.
Must be very difficult for you.
Meal plans etc sound all very nice but if he's not receptive to it and the meals aren't the actual issue then it won't solve anything.
I'd say clear boundaries and expectations are put in place.
"If you trash the place or throw perfectly good food in the bin there are consequences."
"I expect you to eat what I have prepared/bought or make your own meal."
"I will discuss with you what we a having this week and you need to let me know now if there is something you don't like before I go out and buy it."
"Abusive behaviour is unacceptable. I will not tolerate it."

Badhairday1001 · 09/11/2016 19:55

My son is 15 and can be an awkward eater. I make a meal and he picks out the bits he likes or makes himself something on toast. He doesn't always eat with us but I don't mind this and just put it in the microwave for when he is ready and he warms it up himself. If he is out at football with friends he gets some chips on the way home. Would it work to say this is what we are having or you can make yourself some cheese on toast? Teenagers are pains, mine is a mixture between wanting to be totally independent while sulking that he has to take responsibility and do chores etc to contribute to being part of the family. He's currently grounded and had all his electronics taken off him for being rude and refusing to do his agreed job (walk the dog). I feel it's more of a punishment for me though because he's just hanging round moaning and getting on my nerves while still refusing to admit he was wrong. Your not alone X

AnyFucker · 09/11/2016 19:58

Does
Not
Compute

waterrat · 09/11/2016 19:58

He is 14 and obviously very troubled and upset by the family break up. HIS behaviour is aPalling but it's better to look at the root causes. Stop buying him KFC for dinner if he is behaving so badly.

Can he get counselling through the school ?

teachergirl2011 · 09/11/2016 20:03

WHAT!!! Let him take it or leave it! He'll eat if he's hungry enough! What a brat!

Original poster
Boom123 · 09/11/2016 20:04

The break up was in Nov 2013, we all had to live together until march as neither of us would move out or could afford to run the house on our sole wages, then I moved into my brothers old bedroom for 6 weeks with them then my house purchase and my exes went through by May 2014 so it was at that point the kid shared houses spending 4 days with me and then 4 with my ex and so on. This situation happens roughly once a month.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boom123 · 09/11/2016 20:05

By this situation I mean the food kick off

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 09/11/2016 20:05

Tell him that you're not running a cafe and, if this suits you, that he gets to choose one main meal a week 'from the book' (i.e not KFC/takeaways/fast food), your dd also gets to choose one main meal a week, and you get to choose the rest which may, or may not be MaccyD etc.

If he doesn't like the deal, tell him he can spend his pocket money on food of his choice and make it clear that he'll pay for any food you've bought that he despoils.

Unless you are able to impose clear boundaries and consequences for stepping over them now, he'll continue attempting to rule the roost and that's not fair to either yourself or your uncomplaining dd.

queenofthepirates · 09/11/2016 20:05

I decided to become a vegetarian at 14. My parents explained that it was fine but I'd need to cook my own dinner. Fine, so I did. It's quite doable at that age. Will probably do him good. I appreciate you're all going through a tough time but his anger is not okay. Is there any cash in the budget to send him off for a bit of counselling? Might help him channel his feelings out of the fridge.

welshgirlwannabe · 09/11/2016 20:06

He does not need a good smack and he is not a twerp, what stupid advice. Also - saying my child would never do that helps how???

OP my 14 year old boy is really really annoying about food. I think they are so hungry they get a bit fixated on it. Your son has taken it to the next level and been rude and disrespectful, which needs addressing as you are. Loss of Internet privileges along with a serious talk from both parents sounds right. He also needs to know that privileges will be removed every time he starts down that road.

For the food thing - we're on a budget in this house. I take my teem shopping with me and let him make some choices. So: we can have beef stew or lasagne one night this week, you decide. What cold cuts and what cheeses for your lunches? Etc. Etc. So he knows what food we have and has a rough idea of what meals he's getting. He still moans for big macs etc, but he's seen what went in the trolley and is generally happy with at least some of it!

It is hard with teens. I think sometimes toddler techniques work best.

Trifleorbust · 09/11/2016 20:07

No indication of drug use is there? His behaviour might be explained by smoking strong cannabis.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 09/11/2016 20:11

Let him work through his anger, it's obviously about you splitting up with his father (and quite rightly so) Please don't smack him though, apart from it being against the law, he'll never forgive you, trust me I know, I've never forgiven my "mother" for the times she did it to me, ranging from 6-14. So please just be patient no matter how hard it is and he should reward you for it in the end. It may be worth while taking him the doctors to see if he needs counselling.......or it'll scare the shit out of him, should work. You could even give the father full custody, maybe he wants that father figure, so let him have it if it makes him happy and the father agrees, do it and don't feel guilty if it's what he wants, it'll also take the stress and strain off you too. Good luck.

Storminateapot · 09/11/2016 20:14

My sons are 14, I'd be astonished if they behaved like this. He turned up his nose at steak & chips??!!! I'd hit the roof!

I will say a friend of mine had awful problems with her teenage (15 at the time) son when she & her partner split. Her partner left her, but he'd spoken to her like dirt for so long before (and after) that her son - who felt he was now the 'man' of the house - tried throwing his weight about in the same fashion for quite some time. It's the way he had been taught how to speak to the women of the house by his Dad and he felt he was entitled to special treatment as 'the man'.

Could this be a factor?

Itchyclit · 09/11/2016 20:19

Pipistrelle40 - anyone who smacks a child, regardless of the provocation is a complete cunt.

Original poster
Boom123 · 09/11/2016 20:19

If it were just me and him in the house I world fight it to the death and do the take it or leave it unless I was feeling flush or had more food in the house but I am also aware of my daughter having to stay in the background whilst it kicks off and I've gone to work feeling ill from not sleeping etc. I take the constructive comments on board!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2016 20:21

I agree it's not about food at all, he's blaming you for breaking up "the family" and you need strategies to help him deal with the emotions he's struggling with. I would go to your GP.