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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cubs!-and expectations.

36 replies

LovelyBath77 · 08/11/2016 18:20

I know it's great and glad they can go but-

Guilt: Constantly feel guilty with the emails asking for help / to bake cakes / to volunteer. Cost: It can get quite expensive- for example trips out £22 and it's around £140 a year for each. Faff- sewing on the badges etc. /getting them their on different days etc.

OK so can deal with these things but now they've started asking my son to 'get your mum to iron the woggle'! This made me a bit cross! FFS, and who says mums have to do the ironing. I have also had 'ask your mum to bake a cake'-same.

Already do quite a bit for school with this kind of stuff and it gets a bit overwhelming.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 08/11/2016 18:23

I would definitely send a note asking them to ask for 'someone at home' to bake the cake and not always the mother 😂

Drmum123 · 08/11/2016 18:29

Did i totally misunderstand! I thought the woggle was the little bit of plastic and the necker was the ironable bit? I may have embarrassed self at beavers.....

hippoinamudhole · 08/11/2016 18:31

It is. I suspect it's the knecker that needs ironing

Groovee · 08/11/2016 18:32

Lol my ds moaned about his necker!

Do you pay subs? We used to pay subs then fundraise so things were kept to a minimum.

I do brownies and rarely ask for much bar the girls turning up.

LabMonkey · 08/11/2016 18:40

I understand the issue about assuming that it is mum who does the ironing etc at home so pull them up on that. At cub age they can help with the baking or you can just not send anything.

Given that the leaders are volunteers asking parents to help out is reasonable in my view. It's a great opportunity to see your child in a different setting and get involved with your community. There are plenty of parents who can't help due to lack of time or siblings at home who can't be left and I don't think any leaders would mind you saying you can't help.

harderandharder2breathe · 08/11/2016 18:41

Trips are optional, if you don't think they're value for money/something your child would enjoy then don't send them on the trip. In my experience of Brownies and Guides, costs are kept to the minimum possible, transport is usually st least as much if not more than the trip itself (if you're seeing group rates at £8 but being charged £15 for example). We get about half for most trips so absolutely no big deal to go or not go, but we're a big pack so it works, in a smaller pack it might need a bigger percentage to make it worthwhile (again, due to transport costs in large part)

You don't iron woggles you iron the necker. And as it's a flat triangle, teach your cub to do it for him/her self. Ditto the sewing on of badges; my brownies are the most proud when they've sewn them themselves (and generally no better or worse than rushed parent sewing)

I agree about the requests for "mum" to do stuff, this is down to the individual leaders rather than the movement and it's worth pointing out that "someone at home" is a better phrasing because a) dads iron, b) they may one day have a cub who's mum isn't in their life for whatever reason and better to be mindful of terminology before that child arrives so it becomes embedded. Still remember a teenage boy in my German class (I was a fellow pupil) crying after the teacher persisted in asking what his mum did for a job... she was dead.

harderandharder2breathe · 08/11/2016 18:44

Oh and yabu about the volunteer requests, many many many units simply cannot run without parent volunteers, especially the younger age groups where ratios are higher.

My brownie unit is lucky in that we have enough leaders but at least one other I know personally has one leader and a rota of parent helpers. Doesn't have to be mum, doesn't even have to be parents (adult sibling, grandparent, aunt, uncle etc)

Graphista · 08/11/2016 18:46

As an ex cub leader - are you SURE he was told to 'ask mum'? Quite possible he's supposed to be doing the badges/knackered at least! Agree if that is what he's been told it should be changed to 'soneone at home' not everyone has a 'mum' plenty of children in less than traditional family setups.

golfbuggy · 08/11/2016 18:47

DS was always told to iron his own necker at cubs :)

Cubs/Scouts etc generally like the family to get involved and do rely on volunteers so I do feel that parents should offer to help occasionally unless there are really good reasons that they can't.

£140 a year is extremely cheap compared to just about any other activity they can do. And I imagine trips are optional (but likely to be worthwhile and offer opportunities not offered elsewhere.

Graphista · 08/11/2016 18:48

Haha Freudian slip knecker not knackered (and now my overuse of knackered has been revealed )

rookiemere · 08/11/2016 18:48

First thing I'd say is that the leaders and helpers are all volunteers.

It's not great that they're saying that "Mum" needs to do something, but I do think you need to factor in that each leader is giving up at least 2-3 hrs of their personal time for free each week.

Sewing on the badges is a pain - I tried badge glue but it wasn't very successful - but to be fair it's kind of a known issue when you choose to send your DC to cubs/guides whatever.

I tend to be the parent that always helps out when they ask for parent helpers. I don't mind - DS is an only so it's easier for us - but again there are no paid helpers, so it's good if all parents make the occasional effort - if everyone in DS's scout pack did their bit once per year then we'd be sorted. But they don't.

Re the trips - the colony should be mindful of people's budgets. It's great that they want to do additional things, but our troops from a mixed area so these don't happen often. I've never been asked to produce home baking thankfully, as have enough of that with school things.

It's entirely optional for your DC to attend - I presume they benefit from the experience and enjoy it or they would drop out. It is different from a paid for activity and by it's nature does require a bit more parental input. If you are finding it too much then your DC could quit and do another activity.
Or you could try to change from within by joining the scout executive committee as a parent - believe me they will be desperate for them- and putting forward your concerns.

Ragwort · 08/11/2016 18:50

Well, it's not obligatory to send your DC to Cubs so why not let them leave if it's all too much hassle.

After many, many years as a Leader I was probably one of those sending home similar letters - not quite 'get mum to iron your necker' - 99% of parents ignored the letters anyway so I don't think you have much to worry about. .

EmmaGellerGreen · 08/11/2016 18:52

At DS's pack, they lose a star for their six if they blame unironed scarves on their mums. We had a session once where an iron was brought in and they all had to iron their own scarves and sweat shirts. Plus requests go to parents, not mum's. Think a word with the leader is a good idea. Not all packs are the same!

rookiemere · 08/11/2016 18:56

Emma - DS did a session where they learned to iron and sew, but apparently has forgotten it all !

Pilgit · 08/11/2016 18:56

If you iron the folds into the knecker they look smarter and are easier to get on. I would encourage all scouts cubs guides etc to do it. However ask them about the reference to 'mum' as if they do this they need to know that such attitudes are not consistent with the message of the organisation!

grumpymcgrumpypants · 08/11/2016 19:02

We don't own an iron. Life is too short.

Not helpful, sorry.

Yes, cubs is expensive. If you're struggling financially, do be honest and discuss it with them, as they may well have funds for those in need.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 08/11/2016 19:17

Ours are able to offer financial assistance to those who need it. Yes also to joining the executive committee, I joined ours around the time DS moved from Beacers to Cubs. It means I give up one evening every couple of months for a meeting, but don't feel guilty when I can't help out on regular troop nights.

I have to say it has been a complete eye opener. I had absolutely no idea how much work the leaders do behind the scenes. Training, planning, building maintenance (our group owns its hut), finances. Giving up weekends several times a year for leading one-off events and regularly to cut grass, repair equipment, the list goes on and on. All done willingly and cheerfully for no financial gain. These people are bloody marvellous and put my token efforts in the shade.

ilongforlustre · 08/11/2016 19:31

Don't feel guilty about not volunteering, plenty of reasons why people can't, work, younger children, caring responsibilities... Nobody else's business really. Plus. I know the leaders are volunteers but presumably nobody has shackled them to the hall, note you are paying...

I may be projecting as my neighbour is a volunteer for a local children's club. Don't we all know it! I tell him if its as bad as he makes out he should quit. Nothing worse than the smell of burning martyr.

On the subject of cakes, un-iced fairy cakes from a supermarket with a bit of water icing and sprinkles, or sprinkled with icing sugar... trust me kids don't care.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/11/2016 19:38

No sympathy here, as I swap from doing some cubs admin, to mn. Everyone should do their bit, that's why subs are so so cheap for what the children get. Yabu.

AuntJane · 08/11/2016 19:49

You can buy "badge glue" at The Scout Shop". Also, one local pack has a leader who will see badges on for a small fee that goes to charity.

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 08/11/2016 20:05

I should have explained I said I couldn't help for health reasons at the moment (have in the past) and there was no reply from the leader. I'm on disability benefits so it is a bit expensive for me, although as one poster mentioned 'not as much as most activities' It's the only one we do really.

OP posts:

TupsNSups · 08/11/2016 20:17

My ds has just left cubs and we are now looking for a scouts for him to join we have just moved area I don't know about other packs but when ds was in cubs I would have said it was pretty good value for money tbh.

Subs was £8 per month and the camps were reasonable also, he went on at least 3 a year and numerous night hikes, day hikes, JOTT yearly etc.

We were expected to help fundraise with bag packing (which I don't agree with so wouldn't take ds to) but other fundraisers we would happily help with.

I would recommend Cubs to anyone who asked my opinion.

I think you need to remember that the leaders are unpaid and volunteer their time to our dc. Much respect to them!

arethereanyleftatall · 08/11/2016 20:23

Op - I'm not sure what your situation is, but - I was asked to volunteer weekly so dd1 had a place, It wasn't ideal with dd2 hanging around my legs (plus too late); so I offered to do some admin instead. They literally bit my arm off. All I do is assign badges to activities on the conputwr.

budgiegirl · 08/11/2016 20:42

If you can't help due to health reasons, then please don't feel guilty.

If the cost is causing you difficulties , please do talk to the leaders, many Scout groups will have a fund to help with situations like this .

As for badges and neckers - teach the cub to do it!

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 08/11/2016 20:49

Good plan. Thanks.

OP posts:

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