To stop my son hanging around with this boy

[jaffacakesaremyfave]

My eldest DS (12) started this year at the local comprehensive secondary school.

At first he was walking to school with a group of children (one of which he went to primary with) but now they all seem to take the bus and he's started to walk with our next door neighbours DS who is the year above. My DS has a bus pass and I give him money for the bus each day but he walks and spends it on junk food. I work FT so leave before him in the morning.

Since he started walking with just him, he's been late several times and 'lost' £15 dinner money. The school have made several comments about this child that they think he is a bad influence on my DS. The school must have reasons for saying this but obviously won't tell me why.

My DS has had a troubled past with his father who he no longer has contact with and I'm worried that he's looking up to this older boy and getting up to things he shouldn't. He's no angel (bullies his younger brothers) but up until Now he's always been extremely well behaved at school and wouldn't have done anything to get into trouble.

WIBU to stop my DS from 'hanging around' with this boy and how do I handle the situation? Obviously I don't want to upset our neighbours or this child as he's clearly been labelled as a bad egg and I don't know the background story. I don't trust my DS enough to make the right judgement as he's very easily influenced by older males

So she has to take him. END OF.

Nah, not end of. She can try other things first. Like punishing/grounding him for being late to school and seeing if that works first before she jeopardises her source of income.

Summer it is really not that simple.

I have worked in jobs where the start time is not negotiable, surely you must have as well?

Or is your partner the breadwinner?

Your son is losing his dinner money and being to schook.
WHAT DO THINK HE IS DOING WITH MONEY?
YOU DON'T KNOW AS YOU ARE NOT THERE .
YOU DO NOT KNOW IF HE DOING DRUGS
THE SCHOOL KNOWS

this has become very weird...

Stop shouting Summer. As for 'the school knows' do you have a crystal ball?

Oh and I see you still haven't answered whether you work or not.

oh and your caps lock seems to be jammed

SUMMER DO YOU WORK?

You can stop him spending the money by giving him no money a bus pass and a sandwich. The neighbour might find it less fun if there is no money to be spent. Get him involved in activities to he makes other friends.

Yes Summer, ONE DAY a week I can leave ONE HOUR early and work through my lunch to pay it back.

Every day would be impossible. I work in the NHS. Patients don't choose when they get ill so I can't choose my working hours

I'm guessing that Summer hasn't had a job since she left school

SUMMER YOU ARE BEING A BIT IGNORANT IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING SO.
YOU ARE LUCKY THAT THIS IS MUMSNET AND I DO NOT WANT TO GET BANNED OR I MIGHT SAY WORSE.

brat i was just pondering whether it was worth getting into trouble with mnhq so I could say exactly what I think of summer

Well you do caring job or care for your kids you can't do both . Work nights get someone to sleep in and get back in time for kidsto take to school . That is what I did .

As I keep saying your kids have to come 1st as no one else is going to do so . You do need to talk to school . Which you will have take time off work .

I think the best you can do is stop his money. It's hard being a single mum and teenage boys especially. Sounds like you are clear with your expectations of him.

Fucking bloody hell.

She can't do her job and care for her children?! Are you for real summer? You do realise in real life that people can't just pick and choose what times they work? Fucking hell

get someone to sleep in

Oh there are people who do this? For free? Where did you find your free, completely trustworthy babysitter to sleep in your house alone with your children?

As well as the practical steps being recommended I guess ideally you would like to find out what is going on (as that's the worrying bit isn't it) I know it's difficult when children are this age and won't open up, but the best advice we were given when DSD was at that stage was to keep trying, even if you just get grunts in response, keep being interested in them and try to demonstrate that you won't react in a way that they wouldn't want if they were to choose to confide in you with a problem (like rushing next door to have a go at the boy or his parents) Hope you find a way through it

I'm glad you had support Summer to enable you to work the hours you want. Just because you had that doesn't mean that I do.

My job doesn't involve night shifts. Don't want to out myself but I work in a highly specialised field and manage a particular area that needs cover during core hours which I cannot decide I.e. 9-5

And I do care for my children, you're just being a goady fucker (is that an appropriate use of a biscuit? I've never given one before)

"get someone to sleep in"

oh yes overnight babysitters are thick on the ground...

Yes. jaffa perfect use of a biscuit.

Here summer have some more

It's an appropriate use of a biscuit. But I saw fit to use more than one.

I do chat with him every day slightly to get him to open up about his day and he will talk in depth about some things but anything to do with feelings he clams up.

I would never go round to the boys parents house and blame them or him for anything. I'm not blaming this boy as such, I just worry that the two of them together clearly isn't working and I want to create some distance between them. I may press school as to what exactly they mean by 'bad influence' as it's unfair to be so vague.

Ooo I can give more than one!!

Have all my biscuits

jaffa I've heard that some boys, especially that age, find it easier to open up if they chat while doing something. Do maybe get him to help you with something in the house and while you're side by side (instead of face on) casually open up a conversation. Might work?