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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a valid reason to take DD's out of school for the rest of this week (Scotland)?

28 replies

iveburntthetoast · 07/11/2016 16:53

I will try to keep this brief....
FIL has a lot of health problems, especially with his heart (he is 70). Over the weekend, he started to struggle to move around, very breathless, dizzy. Today MIL called the doctor, who said he is very seriously ill and needs to be in hospital urgently for treatment. FIL became aggressive and refused to go so they performed an assessment under the MH Act. He has been sectioned, and the last thing we heard, the police were at the house to take him away.

They live 300 miles away in the middle of countryside, miles from the nearest town. Only FIL can drive, MIL is very frail herself and needs help, and BIL lives with them who has learning difficulties. DH really needs to be down there to look after them all. I dread to think how upset MIL is at seeing all this--FIL was apparently very aggressive towards her. In addition to neeeding treatment, the doctor said he was too aggressive to allow him to stay at home. (This is not normal behaviour for FIL) Sad

I work full-time. DH is a SAHD so we don't have any out-of-school childcare and no friends who could help out. I can't take time off work and I would also struggle to take care of the DD's on my own (I'm disabled.)

The only thing we can think of doing is to take the DD's out of school and DH will take them to stay with my parents for the rest of the week. (My parents only live 10 miles away from PIL). We wouldn't keep them out of school for any longer than the next 4 days.

Is this a reasonable situation to take DC's out of school? We're in Scotland so I think things are a bit different legally than in England. I just can't see any other way around this.

OP posts:
CocoaX · 07/11/2016 16:56

Can your parents, or one of them, travel to stay with you, whilst DH is away?

tellyjots · 07/11/2016 16:56

Of course. It's not as though you are taking the piss- you have sound medical grounds.

Have you phoned the school to discuss? Sure they will be understanding.

Sorry your family is going through this Flowers

Dieu · 07/11/2016 16:57

Aye, fine I'd say. I'm in Scotland too, and the number of people who've recently taken their kids out of school for holidays! Go for it.

mintthins · 07/11/2016 16:58

I'm quite sure the school will understand.

SirChenjin · 07/11/2016 16:58

Could your parents could come and stay or is there an after school club you could use? If not then yes, absolutely reasonable

RB68 · 07/11/2016 16:59

I would look at the option of your parents staying with you and taking over DH's role if possible. Otherwise I would go ahead its an urgent situation

TheWrathFromHighAtopTheThing · 07/11/2016 16:59

I'm in Scotland and our teachers have been nothing but lovely about taking the kids out of school for various things. Sounds like the best solution all round.

celtiethree · 07/11/2016 17:02

Unless your DC are in the middle of their Nat 5 or Higher courses just take them out. Just email the school and let them know what you are doing. Most people I know have taken their DC out at various points from P1 to S3 mainly to go on a holiday term time, your reason is much more valid.

MrsJayy · 07/11/2016 17:03

If you have no other option take her out its family circumstance

CrystalQueen · 07/11/2016 17:04

My DD's school was fine with her missing a week of school when my husband (her dad) was in hospital - she went to stay with my parents which made one less thing for me to worry about (I'm in Scotland).

AllTheBabies · 07/11/2016 17:05

I'm in Scotland and I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem. People taking their kids out for holidays and such is totally normal here. In fact one of my dd's friends has just begun a 3 week holiday.

It sounds like a very stressful and hard situation. All the best to your family.

Original poster
iveburntthetoast · 07/11/2016 17:09

Many thanks for your replies. My DSis queried whether this was 'allowed' so I panicked a bit.

They are in P2 and P5. They've only had a handful of days off school when they've been poorly so far.

My Mum is fit and healthy, and well enough to look after the DD's (and my DSis is down there at the moment to help), but my Dad isn't in great health and couldn't make the long journey up here.

I will certainly ring the school and explain. Do you think it's OK to explain to the office, or should I speak separately to their teachers? This has all happened since about 2.30pm so I will ring in the morning.

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 07/11/2016 17:20

Speaking to the office is fine if your mum coming down to you isn't an option. You don't need to speak to the teachers.
But
If the situation continues past the weekend they can't be out of school indefinitely so you do need to be considering a Plan B.

happypoobum · 07/11/2016 17:21

It would be far better if your parents could stay at yours wouldn't it?

Original poster
iveburntthetoast · 07/11/2016 17:21

Confused so he's not been taken away to hospital. He's still at home. The last thing DH knew, he spoke to the police at the house who said they were taking him to hospital. We don't really understand what's happening.

DH is still planning on going down in case things get worse again. I hate living so far away from our parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
iveburntthetoast · 07/11/2016 17:25

@happy, it's a very hard journey for my parents (and especially my Dad) to make. They're both 75. My Dsis is down there at the moment to help.

I'm going out now, but thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
Sgtmajormummy · 07/11/2016 17:33

My parents had a similar experience. It was harrowing to say the least for everyone involved and definitely an adults only time. If it's anything like my DF's sectioning for dementia, Alzheimer's and uncharacteristic violence, you and DH are going to need a lot of mental strength in the next few days or even weeks. Flowers

I'd say the other grandparents' is the best place for your children.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/11/2016 17:34

Could Dsis stay on to help with your dad and DM comes up to stay with you? Or vice versa? I know it's probably a big 'ask' of your Dsis, but I'd ask mine and I'd try to help her if I could. (I realize that Dsis may have family needs of her own)

Would a reputable nanny service be out of the budget for before and after school? Might the children's school have referrals to give you? I'm sure this situation comes up more than we realize.

shinynewusername · 07/11/2016 17:35

(NB the info below applies to the England & Wales MHA, but I don't think the Scottish processes are different)

How stressful for you.

The police are probably waiting for an Approved Clinician or Approved Mental Health Practitioner to assess your DFil before taking him to a psychiatric hospital under section 135 of the Mental Health Act. His GP may have requested the assessment and the police, but only a handful of GPs are Approved Clinicians as it is usually a specialist role. Strictly speaking, the police don't have to wait till he is seen by an AC or AMHP, but it is normal practice to do so unless someone is in immediate danger.

Hopefully the AC or AMHP will turn up soon and your FIL can start getting some proper care in a hospital. Rest assured that the police will be chasing to get the AC/AMHP there.

LockedOutOfMN · 07/11/2016 17:38

Children can miss school for illness or emergencies. I would say that this situation constitutes an emergency.

Sorry to hear about the situation, OP, good luck with it all.

JustCallMeKate · 07/11/2016 17:44

It can be put down as urgent domestic distress (or something like that). I wouldn't worry too much about school, it's an emergency situation and if you feel you have to go then go.

itsmine · 07/11/2016 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrimalLass · 07/11/2016 20:58

School won't mind. Go for it.

PrimalLass · 07/11/2016 21:00

I would just email the office and that would be that.

ShoeEatingMonster · 07/11/2016 21:03

If FIL is aggressive and not in a good place surely having your DC there won't help or be appropriate?