OW contacting DH

[DillyDingDillyDong]

I posted a short while ago about DH sleeping with another woman years ago. It was resolved and almost forgotten about but then my company hired her and I have been working with her.

Recently I have had a bit of a rubbish time. I had a miscarriage, a couple of family bereavements, a fall out with a friend and DS has just had a huge operation which has brought a whole load of new problems with family.

Anyway, I have needed to be off work for a while. I'm a nursery manager and ow manages another nursery in the company but we're paired together for various reasons. She has been coming in to my setting to help out with the management side of things although my deputy and third in charge have most of it handled. I left DH's number on a post it on my desk saying to call him if it was an emergency and they couldn't get me.

DH's phone went off this morning while he was in the shower. I shouted through to him and he asked me to check it in case it was work. It was an unsaved number and the text said "Hope everything is ok with you guys. Sorry for what I sent on Friday, I was a bit drunk and stupid." I went in to the bathroom and told him and asked who it was. He then turned the water off and got out looking very serious and he said that he was sorry and didn't want me to find out yet. So I got a bit panicky and thought the worst. I hadn't opened the phone I'd just seen the message on the locked screen so at this point I did. I went to the messages and there wasn't one there from Friday but a few from last week.

The first said "Hi, hope you don't mind me texting you. Just wanted to check on DS and send you all my love." DH replied saying thanks, gave an update on DS and asked who it was. The reply came saying it was OW. DH then replied saying he wasn't too sure how she got his number and appreciated the nice ,message but would prefer it if she didn't contact him again.

She replied again saying it was on the post it and she felt like she couldn't resist texting, and that she was divorcing her husband having a really rough time and it was a moment of madness. She apologised and said she realised it was stupid but she could use a friendly face. DH replied again saying he was sorry to hear it but we had our own stuff going on and how unfair she's being to me who has handled our recent work situation so well. He said that he didn't want to upset me with so much going on and asked her again to not contact him.

There was nothing for a couple of days and then she text on Thursday saying she was sorry for contacting him in the first place and now she can't stop thinking about him and all these feelings were resurfacing. He didn't reply and she sent another one saying his stupid she is. He didn't reply and she said she gets the message and that I'm so lucky to have him.

DH has just told me that she text again on Friday night saying she missed him and wishes they would have had a chance of being together and she still thinks about him and the night they were together. He deleted it straight away and said you could tell she had been drinking because of the way it was typed and some of the words were spelt wrong. He didn't tell me because we've had so much stuff to deal with and he wanted to wait but admitted he wasn't sure if he was ever actually going to say anything because of the implications with work and it bringing up old feelings and memories for me.

I believe DH and understand why he didn't tell me. I don't know what to do about OW. She's clearly having a rough time but so am I and it doesn't give her the right to try and start things up with my husband especially after I've been so nice to her. Should I contact her or just leave it to DH to ignore her? I know some of you might think I should be suspicious that he deleted the text from Friday but I honestly believe him. We've come a very long way since this happened and he's a completely different person to who he was then, and so am I. And I know circumstances last time were different as we were fighting and probably going to break up but now are so strong and have DS.

I don't even know if I'm angry or upset or anything else because I've felt a million and one things over this past month! I'm just sat in the bath hoping for some good advice off mumsnet!

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

I'd ask for this post to be deleted OP as either nursery could have MNers, who could put two and two together.

[NickiFury]

I haven't posted my doubts, I agreed with another poster and their doubts. Don't worry though I will leave you to enjoy the thread and for MN to hopefully deal with it, but I won't hold my breath for THAT!

[user1471950254]

OP glad it's all over! Sounds like she has issues but at least you. & DH have worked through this together. You've remained so professional throughout so well done.

All the best to you & your family

[madgingermunchkin]

Who the fuck rammed something up your arse today NickiFury?

[Scribblegirl]

What LowDudgeon said.

Glad that it's all sorted for you Dilly. I have everything crossed that you have a much more peaceful time ahead of you

[LivinOnAChair]

You're definitely troll hunting Nicki you'll be pleased to know that I've reported you too now bore off somewhere else...

[Lndnmummy]

Op, I am so pleased that this nightmre is being brought to conclusion. Wishing you the very best for you and your family. You have been so dignified. X

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Glad it's all squared away Dilly and that you - hopefully! - won't have to see her again. Hope DS is ok

[Discobabe]

I think you'd be hard pushed to find a woman who would knowingly, purposefully place her child in the care of an ow. That's why I find it hard to believe. Good job he wasn't placed there as ow is clearly a bit unstable!

[DoinItFine]

She's less a standard OW than someone her now husband slept with years ago when they were still boyfriend and girlfriend and were on the verrge of breaking up.

[KatherineMumsnet]

Can we call a halt to the troll-hunting, please? If you have any doubts, report to us, rather than posting on the thread. We'll only remove them, anyway!

Thanks, all.

[SuperFlyHigh]

OP so glad this has come to a fair and satisfactory outcome for you and your family. Glad your DH is going to the police just in case.

you can never tell what sort of special psycho some people are and in her case god alone knows what's happened to tip her over the edge. whatever, she has lost her job and if she gets police intervention then be it on her own head.

I hope you can now move on.

Take care

[NickiFury]

Thanks super am flattered you know me as I don't recognise you at all.

[Rrross1ges]

Imagine how free you'll feel when you go back to work and that auld trout has gone! You've been fabulous, I suspect it has been incredibly hard and I hope your DH appreciates you.

[NickiFury]

I would die a death of embarrassment at having to resort to a "time of the month" insult to be honest. You've made yourself ridiculous.

[DillyDingDillyDong]

Sorry purplepen are you saying I'm unhinged or ow is or this person you know who has similar things going on?

I got a message off a user before asking if I was somebody but I'm not them. I don't remember posting where I live but obviously have done somewhere! They suggested I change my username and I said I will do after this thread.

[GutInstinct]

I will back that up by saying that five years ago I had an affair. My situation is different in that I did leave my marriage, but not for OM, the affair made me realise a lot of things which are not relevant here but which I have talked about elsewhere.

I haven't had any contact with OM since then. We didn't end on bad terms, but I have moved on with my life and it wouldn't be appropriate. That being said, five years is a long time and it's all water under the bridge. When I think about it I can't imagine wtf I was thinking or what I saw in him, so can state that I categorically would never go back there. But if I did encounter him, I would be civil, there's no reason not to be. If he started talking about the past I would very much tell him to stop contacting me and would block, so in that regard the DH didn't do anything wrong. But what he did do was delete messages, didn't tell his partner. everyone knows that the most important thing in getting past an affair is 100% transparency, and even eight years on he is still unable to give his wife that. Added to which, it seems he never told the OP everything about how the affair started and what happened. And the most crucial part, the OW called him to say she wanted him to come and fuck her senseless. You don't talk to someone like that after eight years, and to use that kind of language would indicate that it's language that has been used between them before. I would bet money that the DH reassured the OW in those texts he deleted and that the conversation went along the lines of that if things had been different then perhaps there would be a chance but they're not so it would be best to all move on, hence her follow-up message of having been so stupid over the weekend etc. And he had no intention of telling the OP about any of it. He only told her because she saw the message.

[GutInstinct]

Oops lost half my post, I would say that the DH is lying.

[LavenderDoll]

Dilly at least this will be the end of her at work

[DillyDingDillyDong]

Gutinstinct I've since seen his phone bill and it shows that he didn't reply on Friday. He was stupid to not tell me straight away and even more so deleting messages but I understand why he did it. I completely believe him.

[DoinItFine]

When did he get his phone bill?

[SuperFlyHigh]

Wasn't me troll hunting Nicki and wasn't me who made the comment about you being tetchy...

I do recognise you obviously you're suffering memory problems too head tilt. And no made myself look ridiculous you've done that all by yourself by troll hunting etc.

[DillyDingDillyDong]

We looked at his phone account online.