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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she is completely overreacting

90 replies

Queenofthecats · 06/11/2016 21:05

and being a total bitch

DP and I are currently having work done on our house so are staying with MIL.

She is really funny about people using her washing machine and dryer, BIL actually his girlfriend broke the last 2 washing machines so understandable, so does everyone's washing. We've been here for about a month so far and in that time despite taking our washing serval times and muddling with everyone else's so I can't take it and do elsewhere without having to go through everything we've had probably less than 10 items back. She keeps putting washes on and then leaving it days so it starts smelling and having to be washed again so one wash is done a billion times before we've got anything back. So far since being here she's completed 2 loads.

Obviously at some point I'm going to have run out of clothes, especially underwear which can't be worn a few times before washing, so yesterday afternoon I mentioned to MIL that I'm getting low so could I use the washing machine this one time and she got all huffy and said she would do it. The load she had put on is still in there. 🙄 I asked if I could at the very least get a few pairs of knickers that I'll put on the radiator in our room and DP told me I could and I didn't need to ask. Whilst doing that she saw me and shouted at me to stop and she would put it all in the dryer when she's finished what she was doing she still hasn't

This was at about 6 and MIL has been sulking since. She's told DP I had no right to touch her washing machine and she isn't going to talk/cook/wash/do anything for me until I apologise.

She's being U right? Or should I never have touched her precious washing machine?

I'm just at the end of not having anything clean to wear now. I never thought I'd be so upset about not having pants.

I ofc totally appreciate MIL letting us stay here and everything she does, Its just frustrating and i needed to get it out and I can't moan to DP about it.

OP posts:

BusterGonad · 07/11/2016 03:44

It's hard work living with other people after being on your own, I'm afraid OP you either have to suck it up or sneak out like a thief in the night and go to the launderette or your mums. There is no point in upsetting the apple cart as she is now family too and you just have to learn to rub along together.

cansu · 07/11/2016 07:26

She sounds completely deranged. Get your stuff out. Go to the launderette. I would also tell her that you are going to be doing this from now on. I would also be looking for somewhere else to live tbh. She is being utterly ridiculous.

Whocansay · 07/11/2016 07:34

You are an adult. Get your stuff and take it to the Launderette or use your mum's washing machine. This is a ridiculous situation.

00100001 · 07/11/2016 07:44

User1478 the word fit has multiple meanings, one if which is "a sudden spell if emotion" i.e. a fit of rage. Which is what "having a fit" refers to.

Not disablist in anyway.

Now if the poster had said "having an eppy" then yes, probably disabilist. But they didn't.

Heidibb · 07/11/2016 09:49

Who is eveyone you keep saying she cooks for? Surely it's just her, DP and yourself? She hasn't got BIL and his girlfriend there too, right?

If so I suggest you find someone else to live instead of putting so much strain on your poor MIL.

user1478450549 · 07/11/2016 09:50

completely deranged

WTF is wrong with you people? You would never talk like that in RL.

Heidibb · 07/11/2016 09:51

If so I suggest you find someone else to live instead of putting so much strain on your poor MIL.

And that was too all of you, BIL included, not just you OP.

It's hard work to have a full house when you're used to living alone.

00100001 · 07/11/2016 10:01

user1478 do you just randomly go up to strangers conversations in real life and go "nice disabilist language there" when nothing of the sort was said?

NoSuchThingAsThePerfectParent · 07/11/2016 10:41

OP, YANBU and I can't believe you need to ask really! It's obvious she's off her trolley on this one.

If I were you I'd say you've used a machine just like this one before and invite her to show you exactly how she wants it to be used. If she refuses then laundrette all the way is your only option. You certainly can't be expected to continue like this. It's nonsense.

Wigglewogglewoo · 07/11/2016 11:15

Surely it's just her, DP and yourself? She hasn't got BIL and his girlfriend there too, right?

The OP her self is young, only 23 I think she said, so if her DP has younger siblings then they most likely are there too. Not just staying there until a something's done, but because they live there and that's their house as well as MILs.

Aridane · 07/11/2016 11:20

My mother too is very possessive about her washing machine (though no other household appliances), believing it is too complex for anyone other than herself to operate. Oh, and she won't wash anything unless there is a full load!

It's just the way she is and I don't get irritated as I see it as one foibles and adjust my packed clothes accordingly

Original poster

Queenofthecats · 07/11/2016 11:29

The funny thing is we have the same washing machine ourselves and we're the ones who recommend it when she needed a new one so it's not as though we have no clue how to use it.

I brought some new knickers so that's sorted, just want my clothes back now haha!

She hasn't got BIL and his girlfriend there too, right?

DPs sister and brother live here, she's only 18 and he's only 19. His girlfriend doesn't though, but stays here sometimes.

OP posts:

maddiemookins16mum · 07/11/2016 11:57

It sounds awful OP, you're in a tricky situation as want to keep the peace. Keep your washing (the important bits), smuggle it out of the house with DP and he can get a service wash done or take it to your mums if you can't. It would drive me mad.

Fortnum · 07/11/2016 12:20

Why doesn't you Partner tell his mum to get her act together >

This reminds me of an ex who would insist she did all the washing for some bizarre reason. What would invariably happen is the utility room started to resemble a Chinese laundry. Clothes would be left waiting to be washed and dried but not folded / ironed for days.

It all came to a head when she said she had been washing all day - that doesn't pass muster because there 1.5 hours between putting loads on in which to do something else. From then on I explained that if you take responsibility for a job in the house you must do it ! I told her she was a last cow. Didn't last much longer after that thankfully !

HazelBite · 07/11/2016 12:37

Right, just going to put a slightly different point of view on this. I have " adult sons living at home, one lives with his girlfriend here.
On the whole we all get on great but there are things that have caused problems.
The washing machine, they overfill it, we have 2 washing machines (1 washer /drier and an ordinary machine, lectures have been given. They slam the door, the repair man has been out!
The cooker/ kitchen, there is not enough room or facilities for two people to be cooking at the same time- just doesn't work! If son and GF want something different for dinner she texts me and we sort something out.
The fridge- they were filling it up so there was no space for the family shopping (only done once a week)- they have had to buy a small fridge for their room.

Tread very carefully OP you are her guests, much better to apologise, keep things harmonious while you are there and quietly give your dirty washing to your Mum. I think in the interests of family peace I would not make an issue of it.
Just accept she has her daft ways and get on with it!

Good luck!

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