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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she is completely overreacting

90 replies

Queenofthecats · 06/11/2016 21:05

and being a total bitch

DP and I are currently having work done on our house so are staying with MIL.

She is really funny about people using her washing machine and dryer, BIL actually his girlfriend broke the last 2 washing machines so understandable, so does everyone's washing. We've been here for about a month so far and in that time despite taking our washing serval times and muddling with everyone else's so I can't take it and do elsewhere without having to go through everything we've had probably less than 10 items back. She keeps putting washes on and then leaving it days so it starts smelling and having to be washed again so one wash is done a billion times before we've got anything back. So far since being here she's completed 2 loads.

Obviously at some point I'm going to have run out of clothes, especially underwear which can't be worn a few times before washing, so yesterday afternoon I mentioned to MIL that I'm getting low so could I use the washing machine this one time and she got all huffy and said she would do it. The load she had put on is still in there. 🙄 I asked if I could at the very least get a few pairs of knickers that I'll put on the radiator in our room and DP told me I could and I didn't need to ask. Whilst doing that she saw me and shouted at me to stop and she would put it all in the dryer when she's finished what she was doing she still hasn't

This was at about 6 and MIL has been sulking since. She's told DP I had no right to touch her washing machine and she isn't going to talk/cook/wash/do anything for me until I apologise.

She's being U right? Or should I never have touched her precious washing machine?

I'm just at the end of not having anything clean to wear now. I never thought I'd be so upset about not having pants. Grin

I ofc totally appreciate MIL letting us stay here and everything she does, Its just frustrating and i needed to get it out and I can't moan to DP about it.

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 06/11/2016 22:27

Your MIL sounds similar to mine, apart from mine is much less reasonable and at the moment I have no relationship with her at all (not through my choice btw, I certainly don't like her at all but family is family).

I would apologise to try and keep the peace, especially if you must stay there for so long. Then start using launderette, simple.

user1478450549 · 06/11/2016 22:30

Oh joy - a member of the professionally offended brigade

No its just a hobby. Am a full time epileptic though Hmm

LittlePaintBox · 06/11/2016 22:32

Just get your own washing out of the general mess and do it elsewhere, let your DP give her his if he wants, that's up to him.

I'd definitely buy some more pants if you've run out Blush

rememberremember · 06/11/2016 22:33

User1478... don't be so melodramatic... the OP has no pants and her washing is to all intents and purposes kidnapped! Also it is going a bit far to call saying "having a fit" disablist language - and I say that as an epileptic...
OP I think you need to have strong words with DP - get him to get your laundry back and promise not to hand it over again.

Queenofthecats · 06/11/2016 22:33

I will be buying more tomorrow, I've not run out just yet but I will soon if the washing doesn't get done soon.

I've tried getting my stuff out and she told me to stop.

OP posts:
ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 06/11/2016 22:35

Hang on, since when is bonkers disablist?

rememberremember · 06/11/2016 22:35

Make DP do it!! Otherwise steal his (clean) boxers!

LovingLola · 06/11/2016 22:36

Can you go and live somewhere else until the work on your house is finished?

user1478450549 · 06/11/2016 22:37

Hang on, since when is bonkers disablist?

who said it was? Are you not keeping up?

Queenofthecats · 06/11/2016 22:40

Can you go and live somewhere else until the work on your house is finished?

Not anymore, no.

OP posts:
ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 06/11/2016 22:44

Didn't occur to you that when you live in someone elses house for over a month you shouldn' whine about them doing your cooking and cleaning and washing AND encourage strangers online to call them "bonkers, nuts and crazy"

You did when you lumped together with "nuts" which could be.
Seems you are not keeping up with your own posts.

user1478450549 · 06/11/2016 22:47

Except the one that said disabilist was a seperate post.
I was calling nuts and bonkers rude rather than disabilist, but since they mean the same thing, its ridiculous of you to pretend one is ok and one isn't.
Try harder.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 06/11/2016 22:48

Try harder what?

NoFucksImAQueen · 06/11/2016 22:48

I'd apologise while trying to get your side across
"Mil I'm really sorry about the washing, I very much appreciate you letting us stay here and I don't want to tread on your toes, it's purely that I'm at the stage where after tomorrow I'm not going to have any clean pants.
I really thought i was helping by just hanging out my bits so you don't have to. I feel bad that you have to do and hang out X amount of people's washing by yourself"

Trifleorbust · 06/11/2016 23:00

She definitely sounds highly strung. That being said, having people staying with you is a big strain. It sounds like it might be a bit much for her. Perhaps you can sit her down and explain how grateful you are and that you are happy to have her explain how to use the machine but you need clean washing and although you do not expect her to do your washing, at the moment you are having to contemplate the launderette. You can reassure her that you would replace the machine if you damaged it.

GruochMacAlpin · 06/11/2016 23:07

I stayed with my PILs while work was being done in our house (at their insistence).

I wasn't allowed to do laundry, clean, cook or even make a cup of tea.

I had to have a stand up fight to be allowed to change our bed sheets and stopping breakfast in bed caused some ructions too.

It all came from a place of love. My PILs like to wait hand and foot on their children. It makes them happy.

My parents brought me up to be self sufficient so there's occasionally a bit of a culture clash.

My MIL did all our laundry but I had to smuggle knitwear out to my Mum's house as MIL thinks everything should be tumble dried. Bless her.

In your situation I'd get a laundry bag for myself and tell DP in no uncertain terms that none of it goes into the household laundry. Then I'd take my book and spend a nice peaceful evening at the laundrette.

FishyWishies · 06/11/2016 23:09

She sounds like my DD who would panic if you touched her washing machine, she has OCD. Could it be something like that OP?

charliethebear · 06/11/2016 23:39

She sounds like my BFs mum, luckily I have never had to stay there for any extended period of time but when bf stays there he's not allowed to do his own washing, she goes into his room and takes all his washing out when he's not in, washes it but doesn't dry it properly so it smells. Bf is not allowed to touch the washer or dryer and has been told off for attempting to wash his own clothes. She also spends all day huffing about cooking but when bf suggests he makes dinner, again he's not allowed. Bf is 23 and can cook very well.
He also cleans his bathroom and them his mum does it all again. Everything he cleans she repeats, she doesn't clean it well, so its not like a germ phobia style thing more of a trust issue. Its almost as if him cleaning it has made it dirtier.
The most bizarre thing about it is she always moans about how much house work she has to do, how she cant be bother to do washing or cooking but refuses to let bf do anything so nothing ever really gets done.
Bf was only allowed to put the Xmas tree up when he was 18.
Its actually a miracle he has turned out okay.

Memoires · 07/11/2016 00:14

Can't you just handwash yo knickers and tights every night? My mum made me do that since I was 10, and if I were in your position, I'd start doing it again. Takes but a minute and means you could actually wear the same pants every day Grin

Mynestisfullofempty · 07/11/2016 00:29

"Putting the power in the wrong place"

Huh? Confused

NickiFury · 07/11/2016 00:30

Powder, obviously.

ThisIsReallyNotMyName · 07/11/2016 00:45

If it's that frustrating just go to a launderette.

Mynestisfullofempty · 07/11/2016 01:16

Oh powder. Sorry. I didn't think of that. Blush

chipmonkey · 07/11/2016 01:29

Oh, OP, this is what happens when you go to live with someone, you find out exactly how daft they are! FWIW, we had to live with the IL's in between houses years ago and it all ended up getting so crazy that I had to ask my boss for time off ( which is normally not possible at short notice in my job!) and go stay with my own parents who live 90 miles away. I fell into my Dad's arms, crying! I am not usually prone to melodrama, by the way. And yes, laundry was one of the issues but not the issue that finally made me crack.
Find a nice launderette near a nice cafe and treat it as a break!

VocalDuck · 07/11/2016 02:25

I don't think YABU at all.

If I were you, I would buy some more knickers etc tomorrow and tell your DP that he is not to give his mum anymore of your clothes for washing, then take everything to a laundrette from now onwards.

Hopefully you'll eventually get back the rest of your clothes that are in the process of not being washed.

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