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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that not wearing a poppy counting as a uniform disciplinary issue is wrong?

193 replies

Bogeyface · 04/11/2016 23:18

DD's school have said this, and yes I have checked with the school.

Dont get me wrong, no issue personally with poppies. However I dont think that the school can insist on pupils wearing a poppy to the point that they can be put into isolation for not wearing one, can they?

A poppy is an act of remembrance and if a person has no reason to wear one, or prefers not to, then how is that any of the schools business? I dont wear one, but I buy 2 crosses every year for my grandfathers graves who both fought and suffered horribly during WWII. I remember, I just dont wear a poppy.

DD has chosen to wear one, but says that most of her peers wear them because they have to, not because they care. There have been no assemblies or lessons about why poppies are worn and what the represent so she thinks that in the main this rule is pointless.

OP posts:
FerretFred · 05/11/2016 07:08

I'm an ex squaddie. I also give £30pm to the RBL. I have done for the last 20 years.

I bought the metal enamel poppies for my kids two days ago. I didn't tell them they had to wear them. It's their choice.

If their school had insisted then I would of been having words with the school. My dad didn't go through WW2, and I didn't go through the shit I did to have someone force their views on my kids. They can make up their own minds.

And lets just hope by the time my grandkids come along that fighting, and armed forces are just a weird historical thing. Unfortunately I think politicians are far to egotistical, vain, greedy and stupid for it to ever happen.

user1471545174 · 05/11/2016 07:10

I wear it on the Sunday and on the 11th, to commemorate the war dead. That is the point of it, and to give funds to the RBL.

Various groups co-opt it - in Ireland it is seen as "orange" but though my family were green, I wear it for my mum's relations who fought and nursed in the British forces in WW1 and for my FIL who was in WW2. I buy new each year.

It's personal to everyone. If people you don't like much co-opt it, just ignore their grandstanding. I personally don't like people starting it all off in mid-October, but appreciate this is a lost cause now.

I know a couple of inveterate white poppy wearers who kind of make a thing of their pacifism as though red poppy wearers can't be pacifists too. In my mind it will always be simply for commemoration of the dead of the two great wars. The Laurence Binyon poem covers it.

LahLahsBigBand · 05/11/2016 07:41

Poppies aren't customary in Australia Maitland. It's a sprig of Rosemary.

LahLahsBigBand · 05/11/2016 07:44

And the thing about not offending the Indigenous people sounds like racist bullshit. There were Indigenous diggers in WW I

confuugled1 · 05/11/2016 07:46

(Has anyone else got a Royal British Legion ad on this page with 'Rethink Remembrance' on it? Always amazed by how good the targeting ads software is these days!)

Anyhow, this has made me wonder several things - the reply from the deputy head was incomplete, not least because it doesn't seem the students have been told about the exception. Also what happens if the student wants to wear a poppy but loses it - would they be punished? And do they have to wear paper poppies or can they wear the wristbands (I get these for the DC each year, they are slowly building a good collection and look forward to getting a new one). I've also ended up with a nice bracelet with an enamel poppy button on that is lovely and much easier to wear but not so visible. They also had slap bands and rulers so would having a poppy ruler instead of a poppy on your jumper count? Not least a ruler would be something that you saw and used and remembered on a regular basis.

ladymariner · 05/11/2016 07:46

I hate the sparkley/knitted ones that give no money to the RBL.

I bought mine directly from the RBL online.

blueturtle6 · 05/11/2016 07:50

No one should be forced to wear a poppy, we wear them to remember people who fought for our freedom....so it is against the principle surely? I would rather see people.wearing one who want to and understand reasons why we wear them. Not because they are forced to.

SemiNormal · 05/11/2016 07:51

he said that if someone chose not to wear one because of their beliefs then that would be respected. - It should matter about 'beliefs'. Simply choosing not to wear one should suffice, it's ridiculous that they would want a 'reason' based on someones personal beliefs.

NotYoda · 05/11/2016 07:52

Instinctively, I think this is wrong

To impose this on children is wrong. Educate about it and let them choose. This is the school's only responsibility.

I wear a poppy myself

AuntieStella · 05/11/2016 07:53

The slap bands were new last year, and not universally welcomed in schools.

I got some yesterday Grin

What OP is describing is utterly bats and beggars belief. It's the sort of thing that misrepresents Remembrance so badly that people start to believe a jingoistic version, rather than that which the RBL espoused all along and which is the essence of the national commemorations (Arboretum, Cenotaph, Albert Hall).

I think the only place where wearing a poppy should be 'compulsory' is when actually attending a formal ceremony of remembrance (where it's not actual specified, but is expected)

NotYoda · 05/11/2016 07:56

"The irony of forcing students, under threat of punishment, to wear a symbol of the fight against oppression seems to have passed the school board/head teacher by"

Yes. It's outrageous actually. Very hard-of-thinking

Soupandasandwich · 05/11/2016 08:07

Uterus

I hate the sparkley/knitted ones that give no money to the RBL.

I wear both sparkly and knitted ones, purchased from the Poppy Shop link, which IS part of the RBL website. I buy a new one each year and I also drop a donation in to the collection boxes when I see them.
I choose to wear the red poppy in remembrance and respect for those who fought and/or died in war. Family members died in both WW, others came home injured and some apparently fit. I know that the RBL helped many of them in different ways. Family members who are currently serving in the forces also speak highly of RBL. I am very happy to buy and wear their poppies.

pinkiponk · 05/11/2016 08:08

Armed forces here too and I think it's absurd to force anyone to wear a poppy.

I do feel it's sad how few I've seen out in public this year though (they are ubiquitous on tv as someone posted earlier, and maybe it's a bit early still?).

I guess the school are trying to ensure the great sacrifice of ww1&ww2 aren't forgotten, which as time goes on they are to some extent (I'm thinking of Joey Essex saying ww2 ended in the 60s).

I also think it's become fashionable to say you're against the poppy as you're against war. But they weren't wars of choice, like Afghanistan, Lybia, they were fought for our survival and way of life. It was war for our very existence, rather than people fancied being a bif 'war-ey'.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/11/2016 08:10

I am an ardent supporter of the poppy campaign, both in the UK and in Australia (it's ramped up here since the 100th anniversary of WW1).

However, I completely and utterly disagree that people should be forced into wearing one in a school setting, or a workplace. It's slightly different for tv presenters, but if they have strong objections, then no, they shouldn't be forced either. If they don't choose to support the RBL or remember the war dead by wearing a poppy, that is their Right.

On the other hand, anyone who does anything to disrespect the poppy or the war dead, that's another matter entirely - but "choosing to not wear one" is NOT a sign of disrespect.

Enkopkaffetak · 05/11/2016 08:29

I don't wear a poppy. I don't purchase one either or put money into a box.

Doesn't mean I have no respect or no ability to remember people who have fraught for their countries. I am capable of doing that without putting money into a charity box or wearing the symbol of that charity.

I wear a pink ribbon during breast cancer awareness month.

I may not wear the pink ribbon at work on my uniform.

I may wear a poppy..

How is that right? They are both charities.

Vinorosso74 · 05/11/2016 09:16

The school is being very unreasonable. The children should have a choice if they want to buy and wear one or not. Annoys me when the press have a go at high profile people for not wearing them it's their choice.
Like all charities people should be able to choose which to support.

CancellyMcChequeface · 05/11/2016 09:18

YANBU at all. If people are forced to wear a poppy, poppies become utterly meaningless. I used to wear them, but I stopped a few years ago, in part due to the growing attitude that it's somehow wrong not to wear one.

It's nice of the school to allow students to wear poppies (although I suspect that similar consideration wouldn't be given to symbols of other equally worthy causes!) but utterly wrong to require it or to punish students for not wearing one. They also shouldn't be required to detail their personal or political objections to doing so in order to be exempt - 'I prefer not to' should be enough, if it has to be mentioned at all.

Ayeok · 05/11/2016 09:20

DP is an ex squaddie, we always wear poppies but it enrages me when it is forced on people. Can they not see the irony of forcing someone to wear a symbol of freedom? Ridiculous.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 05/11/2016 09:22

The thing about the poppy is that it's not the symbol of a worthy cause, it's the national symbol of remembrance.

So that's why you see the Queen wearing them, even though she doesn't wear anything from other charities she's patron of.

Not even the purple ones (though I think they've been discontinued)

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/11/2016 09:31

I hate the sparkley/knitted ones that give no money to the RBL.

We have these.

My DH gives monthly to RBL.

alltouchedout · 05/11/2016 09:31

Oh that's ridiculous. Why would you think it's a good idea? What actual meaning is there when you're compelled to wear or as part of school uniform rather than thinking about it and making the choice yourself? I would have stopped wearing one on principle if my school had tried that. Well, I'd have ever stopped wearing one to school anyway. I'd still have worn it out of school, where it was my choice and not something being forced on everyone.
My grampa would have been spitting over this. I can picture his contempt and rage now.

Soubriquet · 05/11/2016 09:34

I think I will wear a white one and a purple one this year

Yanbu Op

FayKorgasm · 05/11/2016 09:47

Poppy shaming gone mad. None of us wear a poppy and there's no end of hassle in work because of it. Luckily the school's are fine with DC lack of wearing it.

Balletgirlmum · 05/11/2016 09:56

I'd love to know which school this is. I'm
In Staffs.

My ds's school is big on military connections etc but he doesn't wear a poppy as he loses them. He doesn't even wear his school house badge as he has lost several. Plus the pins ruin clothes.

It should be personal choice.

CaoNiMao · 05/11/2016 10:00

The fact of being forced into wearing a poppy strikes me as deeply ironic, considering that most of the wars fought by Britain have been to challenge or take down groups whose ideologies forced people do do things... It's almost an Orwellian farce.