To be upset with NHS over DDs weight?

[Fudgefudgefudge]

DD is 4 and is in reception. Recently she had her vision, hearing, weight etc measured at school and yesterday I received a letter from the NHS saying that they are referring her to Morelife. Having googled it I'm mortified, I had no idea my child was that overweight! I checked the NHS site which measures their BMI and using the measurements they provided it shows DD being obese and on the 99th percentile

Now I breastfed DD up until her 1st birthday and she was a big baby back then but over the years she's slimmed up if you know what I mean and to me she just doesn't look overweight. She has a healthy appetite and I am well aware of how to eat a healthy balanced diet etc but I do allow a treat for good behaviour. And DD is a very active, she would rather run than walk and I don't drive so she's used to walking places.

AIBU to be upset about this? What do I do? Ask the GP their opinion? It's made me doubt my abilities as a mother as I never even considered she could be obese.

My kids are very skinny - one is underweight and the other is very close to it and HeCantBeSerious, I thought your dd looked fine - not in the least bit overweight.

This has been interesting to me. Ds'S cousin is 6 and very skinny - can see ribs etc and his mum is constantly told he's too skinny. Perhaps he's just one of the rare healthy ones

hoddtastic do you mean my dd as 'the girl in the pink'; if so you are wrong, she is bang on 50th centile weight and height. Another pic

i didn't mean her, i meant the one in the swimsuit. Yours is the ballet one yes? She has a little tummy on that one but i didn't mean her initially.

Geretrude - I am definitely not saying the French are perfect. Far from it. But they definitely have bigger problems than obesity (as mentioned - the smoking!). I accept that I live in the Paris area - where definitely far fewer than 25% of the adult (or child!) population is overweight - so that may skew my perceptions. But a 25% overweight rate is definitely far better than Britain's, which in 2014 measured at 61.7% according to Public Health England (www.noo.org.uk/NOO_about_obesity/adult_obesity/UK_prevalence_and_trends).

As for my own physique at age 15, I just remember definitely not being happy with it. Maybe my peers were shorter and skinnier which made me feel bigger? Between the ages of 12-15 I was definitely bigger than I wanted to be (and it may have been between 10st and 11st at 5'6" rather than 10st dead) but all I had to do was replace squash with water and stop eating crisps and I dropped 7lb in 2 or 3 weeks. Between 16-18 I slimmed down even a bit more and was definitely under 10st by the time I left school. But I did put on weight again at university (probably between 11st and 12st at my peak) before losing it when I moved to France (that's what you get for running around after 2-3-year-olds all day!). So I speak out on this issue only because I know all too well how easy it is for weight to fluctuate and how much earlier intervention would have been good for me.

oldbirdy your photo is what I would consider "normal" (healthy-normal, not current society average normal) for a child to be.

While obviously still skinny, she's normal healthy child skinny, I'd say.

hodd yes, not to make you feel bad but the tummy is a result of open abdominal surgery this Summer, sliced through all her muscles and she has lost a bit of tone.
I thought people would be interested as she appears quite skinny by today's standards, but she bang on 'mid centile'

so that explains it. I don't feel bad (and nor should you iyswim?) she is a slim kid, with a tiny tummy bulge (which is the result of surgery).

I hope she's recovering Ok.

I was a fat kid. My mum was an amazing cook. I ate everything. I look back at photos of me as a child with an open mouth. She gets terribly offended if anyone mentions it.
Being overweight long term is a cost to society and it's not great.
As an adult I'm very fit slim and healthy but being a fat kid wasn't fun.

It varies by area. Affluent RIchmond and Reigate apparently have lower rates of obesity. A previous poster said there are areas of France where you do see plenty of obesity.

Personally I wouldn't pay attention to a letter from a weigh in at school. The person probably didn't even look at your DD when they were working out their BMI. Take her to her GP and discuss her health with them. It is perfectly possible to be overweight and perfectly healthy, especially as a child.

I was horrified to recently see a (FWIW already overweight) 14-year-old from our school coming out of the tabac having just bought a packet of cigarettes

I remember going on a French exchange to a Lycee in the 80s where the 15 year olds lit up a cigarette at the end of the lesson in the classroom and so did the teacher They then came back to our school and a French boy lit up a cigarette between lessons in our school corridor.

You have to see a child's ribs for them not to be overweight!!!???
But in an adult that most certainly would lead them being called underweight
No wonder so many people refuse those NHS checks in schools altogether

In newspaper articles where parents are angry about "fat letters," it does often seem to be on the arms and legs where you can see they are slightly overweight because they have a layer of fat, rather than because of obvious rolls of fat.
This girl looks slim in the school uniform picture, but in other photos you can see that her legs and arms are well covered. We definitely have come to see this as normal though. www.thesun.co.uk/news/1373047/mums-anger-after-health-officials-labelled-her-five-year-old-daughter-overweight/

My DD has a bit of a tummy despite being bang on the 50th centile, reckon its probably due to her coeliac disease and frequent constipation and gas issues.

That's a good link hoddtastic I think DD's portion sizes are a bit bigger than those but she doesn't finish them so I reckon she eats around the right amount. The number of times 'pepper sticks' were mentioned though had me and DD cracking up when I read it aloud to her going to buy some peppers today as she wants to try pepper sticks now!

I haven't weighed myself in the best part of a decade. I tend to judge by my clothing (some of which is that old so not due to vanity sizing). Even at my smallest my enormous (J minimum) norks probably push me towards overweight - they just don't shrink like the rest of me.

Olympic athletes don't look unhealthy but their BMI would be considered overweight. It's just not about numbers.

(My very skinny sister has done herself all manner of harm through obsessive eating over the years. I just don't think that the numbers tell you all you need to know.)

Petal thank you. I'm a very sensitive person and this was my first post on MN (I've been lurking a fair while) so I braced myself for the comments I was expecting back! But a lot of this has been very useful and I'm now really thinking about what my daughter eats. I've actually lost count the number of times I've told her "no" to food today but she's now happily playing.

And I agree with the encouragement of a good weight when they're babies. DD was born on the 75th line and shot up to the 99th after bfeeding was established. HV wasn't worried, I was just praised for my wonderful milk And she's just stayed on that line ever since it seems!!!!

It's a complex thing and if I overthink this whole situation it could possibly even stem from my own childhood. I hated food and literally only ate sandwiches and chips and I was a skinny child. Pleased to say I have a healthier relationship with food now, I am a size 14 so a bit overweight (wine!!!) but I think I was so pleased my kids don't have a negative relationship with food and they love their fruit and veg that I've just encouraged food a little too much? But I've come away from this still feeling a little shocked that I didn't see it coming but positive that I can make these changes to my little girls health.

My dd is the same weight exactly as the child in the news article, and 13cm taller (and a year older).

Don't think my dds would see pepper sticks as an acceptable substitute for Trio bars.

Olympic athletes don't look unhealthy but their BMI would be considered overweight. It's just not about numbers.

This isn't true. It gets cited far too often but very few athletes are anywhere near overweight in BMI. There are a few anomaly sports (weightlifting and some rugby players, if I remember correctly) but the vast majority are nowhere near overweight.

Floggymolly i opted out for data protection reasons, i didn't like the way the data was being used and shared. i have no concerns with his weight so felt it had no benefit to him to participate.
i did the online calculator after reading this out of curiosity and was shocked to find that he was only just in normal range, when he looks like this...

DD was weighed and measured on Friday as the doctor always likes to do that whenever she's there for any illness, she's 113cm and 19.7kg which actually puts her on the 49th percentile.

My DC were very solid. Always came out as overweight using school nurse type charts. We also have a Teutonic inheritance. They are large limbed, H fitting shoes, broad shouldered and inherited the family thighs. They were never ever fat, always flat stomached.

DD at 10 was the second tallest and well developed. She reached the menarch at 10.5. That was when the nurse gave her a slip of paper for me with obese on it. The slip of paper another girl snatched and passed round the class.

DD reached her full height at 11 (5'3"). It is a common phenomena of the early menarch. If I put in the age nor appropriate for her development, ie, 13 but using the same height she came out as a normal BMI.

At 18 dd is 7st 9lb, size 8 and still big boned and generous of breast. We have come a very long way in her battle with anorexia. We have discussed this approach with a number of paediatricians and psychiatrists. It is NOT a helpful approach or an approach That considers the whole child. That scrap of paper was not only ill informed and inaccurate, it was dynamite in the hands of sensitive child. If I could lay my hands on the school nurse responsible I possibly could not trust myself due to the damage that was caused.

The entire programme needs revisiting and from the age of 14 I have forbidden dd to have any contact with a school nurse.

These are children, not farm animals. Fat, thin or inbetween they deserve a little dignity. One size fits all is never ever an acceptable approach.

The little girl in the pink costume is similar to dd at that age. Healthy and large boned; not a skinny Minnie but not deserving of being labelled fat either.

My DD got one of these letters last year when she was in reception. I'd noticed her getting bit chubbier during the reception year.. her tummy definitely was starting to poke out. It was the wake up call we needed!!

I always used to pride myself for my kids being good eaters and I guess I let them Judge their own portion sizes... most of our friends kids are fussy and seemed to survive on next to nothing.

My daughter has a big appetite. She would often ask for seconds. I never thought anything of it. We eat healthily. Cook everything at home. Fruit, veg. Never fizzy drinks. Pudding only occasionally. Treat day once a week.

I met with the health visitors for a chat. As a parent she is solely my responsibility and I want to turn this around. We are very active as a family. Kids do swimming Saturday, junior park run on Sunday. DD also does gymnastics and playball after school.

Her appetite is enormous. I realised we have a problem one morning when I noticed she had eaten 2 bagels and a scrambled egg for breakfast at one sitting..!!

We're supposed to have a follow up with the healthvisitors in December. The plan is to stop her gaining any weight and hope she will grow taller and out of it. I won't let her get (more!) overweight.

I feel bad as I'm very heathy. Exercise 4 times a week and eat well. I feel like I've let my child down. Although she doesn't need to know.

My son also has always been big for his age - he's 3. I'm Scandinavian and although only 5"5 both my dad and brother are over 6"2. If DS tracks where he is now on the charts he will be 6"5 tall. He is very sturdy, big hands and feet. DH is very stocky and used to play rugby. DS is already taller than some of our friends in reception.