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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with NHS over DDs weight?

444 replies

Fudgefudgefudge · 04/11/2016 17:38

DD is 4 and is in reception. Recently she had her vision, hearing, weight etc measured at school and yesterday I received a letter from the NHS saying that they are referring her to Morelife. Having googled it I'm mortified, I had no idea my child was that overweight! I checked the NHS site which measures their BMI and using the measurements they provided it shows DD being obese and on the 99th percentile Sad

Now I breastfed DD up until her 1st birthday and she was a big baby back then but over the years she's slimmed up if you know what I mean and to me she just doesn't look overweight. She has a healthy appetite and I am well aware of how to eat a healthy balanced diet etc but I do allow a treat for good behaviour. And DD is a very active, she would rather run than walk and I don't drive so she's used to walking places.

AIBU to be upset about this? What do I do? Ask the GP their opinion? It's made me doubt my abilities as a mother as I never even considered she could be obese.

OP posts:
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7
HeadDreamer · 04/11/2016 17:59

I saw this on the guardian yesterday.
www.theguardian.com/society/2016/nov/03/child-obesity-rising-again-nhs-report-reveals

According to the latest NHS report, just over 20% of reception children are overweight. That is 1 in 5. There is no need to be upset about it because it is so common. It is known that parents are not good judges of what normal weight looks like. Why not see what the referral says?

FYI DC1 was referred to both eye checks and speech delays last year at reception. I weren't blaming myself for her speech delay as me being a bad mum for not speaking to her enough as a baby or read to her enough. It must happen to lots of children, being identified to have one problem or another. Im just glad she's getting help now.

Eatthecake · 04/11/2016 18:01

I'd be upset with myself too OP! Sometimes as parents we just can't see when our DC are a little overweight.

Obesity rates are very high and we all want our DC to grow up healthy so see this as a good thing!

Look into what extra activities you could do with your DD, go for a bike ride at weekends, walk to the park etc on top of what you normally do

I think the pp suggestion of keeping a food diary for your DD for a week is a good idea, but be honest in the diary and then take a good look at her meals.
Many people make simple mistakes with food they assume to be healthy but you'd get a shock looking at a lot of packaging

fakenamefornow · 04/11/2016 18:02

Why are you upset with the NHS though? Do you think they shouldn't tell people if their children are overweight? Genuine question btw.

These threads are often populated with posters saying 'ignore' 'the are wrong ' ' only you know if your child is overweight or not' glad to see that isn't the case here. Sounds like this was a real shock for you op, best of luck dealing with it.

Haffdonga · 04/11/2016 18:04

Sorry but it's a bit ridiculous to be upset with the NHS. Have they made a mistake? Have they been unkind or treated your dd badly? Have they provided poor advice? What would you prefer them to have done?

Don't shoot the messenger.

jugotmail · 04/11/2016 18:04

When my son was measured it was done in the Jan and the result didnt come back for over 4 months! He was apparently overweight but when i measured and weighed him he was fine as he had another growth spurt in that time. I also checked on the nhs website and he had originally been half a bag of sugar into overweight territory. They never did anything except include a leaflet in the letter.

Ps we walk/bike to school three times a week, he has sports clubs at the weekend and after school football. We also eat pizza and watch too much tv

BillThePony · 04/11/2016 18:06

My dd was declared overweight in year 6. I would never have seen it for myself.

I took the referal and it made a real diffrence. I have always cooked healthy meals sadly my portion control was shit.

She is nearly 18 now and a healthy weight.

daisypond · 04/11/2016 18:07

What centile is she on for height? If she's on 99th for height, it's fine. But she probably isn't, which is why the NHS has flagged her for being overweight.

jugotmail · 04/11/2016 18:12

I think part of the problem is that you just get a letter and there is no lifestyle or activities taken into account until after the fat label has been slapped on the child. What would have helped me would have been maybe a school nurse on site to give the results and discuss them straight away.

FarAwayHills · 04/11/2016 18:12

I recently saw childhood photos of family member who is overweight. It was clear in the old photos that the problem was there from childhood and just got progressively worse as she got older. It was excused by her DM as puppy fat or being big boned. Perhaps if there had been this sort of intervention way back then she might just have had a chance of resolving this.

christinarossetti · 04/11/2016 18:12

Take a bit of time to process the info, OP, then work out what you can do.

Childhood obesity/ weight problems are a real problem across the population, and parents often feel criticised, undermined and defensive when they receive a letter about their child's weight.

If she's active and eats a balanced diet, then it's probably a case of portion control so that she grows into her height, if she is indeed above the weight that is considered healthy for her height and age.

Whichywoo · 04/11/2016 18:15

I'm sorry but if your dd is on the 99th percentile then she is overweight. If a child has a good height to weight ratio and you can see their ribs, even slightly that's a good indicator they are a normal weight. If not then they are overweight.

WorraLiberty · 04/11/2016 18:17

In the nicest possible way OP, this is not about you. It's about your child.

Surely it's a good thing that this has been picked up early?

It was on the news yesterday that 1 in 3 kids are now leaving primary school, overweight or obese.

They don't all get growth spurts that suddenly make them slim again.

I'm sure it hurts to hear though but no doubt you'll manage to tackle it with the right help Thanks

DearMrDilkington · 04/11/2016 18:17

How much does she weigh?

Very occasionally bmi isn't accurate for some children, if your so adamant she isn't overweight you could be correct.

MerylPeril · 04/11/2016 18:18

DDs best friend is overweight- her mother can't see it - in fact she has said a few times how lucky it is her DD isn't overweight.
She really is though

LIZS · 04/11/2016 18:19

I think these referrals are as much about reeducation for parents /carers as for the children. As a society we are increasingly accepting overweight as the norm, skewing perspectives, and are sedentary. Do you perhaps have a weight issue?

browneyesblue · 04/11/2016 18:20

DS1 was reported to be overweight, so would be one of the 20%. I was shocked, and didn't believe it. He's a slim little boy (yes, I could/can easily see his ribs), drinks only milk or water, eats healthily (sweets are an occasional treat) and is very active.

When I queried it, I was told he should either eat smaller portions or be more active. I explained that he was active. He walked or cycled to and from school, swam twice a week, played football once a week, gymnastics once a week, trampolining twice a week, on top of normal active play. I also felt that as he was so active, it was important that he ate if he was hungry.

A couple of weeks later, he had an unrelated appointment with the paediatrician. When they took his height and weight details, I mentioned the letter. She just laughed, and said his weight was fine and that it was very obvious just looking at him that he wasn't overweight. Not even close.

I'm sure the program has it's benefits, but it's a very blunt instrument. Knowing that my perfectly healthy, very active child has contributed to the "1 in 5" statistic makes me Hmm

ChocolateWombat · 04/11/2016 18:20

I think what you mean OP is that you feel embarrassed to have a child who is overweight - that you are upset she is overweight, but embarrassed that an outside agency has picked up on this and that you we on a database as someone with an overweight child.
I can see why you would feel like this. However, it's the not the important factor here and you need to move on from blaming the NHS and the fact you've been directed to a website which can give help.
Instead, as everyone says, parents often don't realise their child is overweight. Most of us don't eat a great diet and do enough food, although we tend to think we are doing okay. This is your chance to look at her diet and exercise again and make some adjustments.

They are not saying you are a crap parent....but I expect it feels like they are saying that to you. I'll tell you what is crap parenting - being told this info, blaming the school/NHS/system and refusing to believe it and just carrying on regardless and letting a child become more obese. Good parenting involves hearing the information, taking it on board like an adult and doing something about it.

OP your knee jerk reaction is to feel a bit embarrassed and aggrieved about the way the info has come to you, because it's made you feel a bit crap. That isn't their intention. The intention is to help. And now you can take that help and info and make a few changes. She's v young, so there's lots of chances to sort this out pretty quick. Better to know now!

pugsake · 04/11/2016 18:20

DD came in as overweight. She's not she does lots of sport and it is muscle. I've just emailed saying she's not to be included in the year 6 check.

I'd take it with a pinch of salt tbh.

MadisonMontgomery · 04/11/2016 18:21

I don't see why you are upset with the NHS - they are trying to help your child.

buttfacedmiscreant · 04/11/2016 18:22

DS was about the same percentile when young, he was also taller than average but a lower percentile. He was also extremely sporty and very muscly for his age. His Dr was completely unconcerned and said he was good and not to worry and that he didn't have much body fat when she checked him. "Overweight" is not always fat but can often be, it is good to check which it is and decide whether some lifestyle changes need to happen.

clippityclop · 04/11/2016 18:22

Does anyone know if there are charts available that give a recommended weight for a person's height?

ChocolateWombat · 04/11/2016 18:23

Yes, and if you are sure she's not overweight, go to the GP so she can be weighed again, to put your own mind at rest. Mistakes do happen.
But if it's not a mistake, feeling cross isn't the way forward, but taking action is.

Do you really think that given her height she's not overweight? If there really seems to be an error, I'd go to GP to put my mind at rest.

FarAwayHills · 04/11/2016 18:26

I would be more upset if the NHS had seen my DD and didn't pick up on this.

ChocolateWombat · 04/11/2016 18:27

I wouldn't take it with a pinch of salt and just dismiss it as nonsense. That's what lots of people with over weight children do.....refuse to believe the info, see the NHS as interfering busybodies....and guess what, their children grow up to be obese.
I'm sure OP isn't like this - you either need to see the GP to reassure yourself that this isn't actually or a problem....or take action to deal with the issue.
If I were in your position I'd probably go to the GP regardless - for confirmation and advice. I'd be upset too and keen to get on the case of sorting it as fast as poss.

browneyesblue · 04/11/2016 18:27

When I originally queried it, I asked whether it could be muscle. I was told it couldn't be, as children that age don't have muscle!

DS has plenty of long lean muscle, so I assume that's what it was.