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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure if this woman is starting to take the piss

65 replies

HateSummer · 04/11/2016 13:32

I befriended a woman from dd's school who is a single mum to one dc. I felt sorry for her due to her circumstances, as she'd fled an abusive marriage.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, this woman works full time and needed someone to house sit whilst the gas man came to fix the boiler. I took my 3 yr old and waited all day at her house last month and no one came. Then she rescheduled during half term and told me that's the only appointment they had, so I stayed at her house 8 hours with 3 kids waiting and only one repair man came to fix her fans, but gas man didn't come until I was leaving. I rescheduled for her for them to come after 6pm when she's back from work the next day and it apparently got done Hmm.

This morning at 9, she phones me and i thought she was phoning to say hi and how are you, but no, she's at work and she thinks she hasn't put the handbrake on her car and if I could go and have a look. Hmm. I told her I have a busy day ahead and I need to go and see my dad aswell but she starts making panicky noises in the phone so i told her I'd go and have a look.

Now I know it must be hard being a single mum and I sense she has anxiety issues, but the handbrake thing has pushed me over. I offered her help because I saw she was worried, but This is getting a bit weird now. I don't want to be mean but I don't want her taking advantage either. Is she?

OP posts:
Original poster
HateSummer · 04/11/2016 13:33

Omg sorry my posts always end up being essays. Thanks if you read it!

OP posts:
GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 04/11/2016 13:34

Yep.

AlexaTwoAtT · 04/11/2016 13:34

She is using you.

MissMargie · 04/11/2016 13:34

Do you know her neighbour. Ask them to stick a brick under the wheel.

AlexaTwoAtT · 04/11/2016 13:35

Drop her.

Giratina · 04/11/2016 13:37

What did she want you to do about the car anyway, presumably you don't have keys for it?

Twixandlatte · 04/11/2016 13:37

Even if she had a dp/dh she wouldn't be able to have called them up and asked them to check her handbrake, helping with the occasional babysitting or keeping her company is more than enough support. You aren't on her payroll that is ridiculous!

legotits · 04/11/2016 13:37

Not with the handbrake that's an emergency one.

Gas man and reschedule is enough favours for the next ten years of that kind.

Make sure you don't offer and learn an excuse.

People think because I work from home I can go and work at their home and wait for deliveries or works.

Don't let it get to you, get a stock reply ready.

Original poster
HateSummer · 04/11/2016 13:38

Apparently she doesn't know any neighbours. I told her it will be fine as putting the brake on is a subconscious manoeuvre, but she got really panicky. I don't know if I should tell her she needs to get more organised. Or whether to just leave it.

When I got to her car, it was parked fine and it wasn't even downhill.

OP posts:
Original poster
HateSummer · 04/11/2016 13:41

Yes I do have a key to her car because she left her flat keys in there for me last time. So I've kept hold of them.

What kind of stock replies would work? Because the real ones: I have to go out and do shopping and then meet my dad, didn't work. I probably won't answer her calls anymore.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 04/11/2016 13:41

Next "favour" she asks you, say no.

Break the cycle!

RNBrie · 04/11/2016 13:45

This is happening to me with a neighbour and her childcare. I feel terrible saying no but I have three kids and I can't just keep having hers every time she has an emergency (which is at least once a week)

I've always subscribed to the idea we should all help each other out because that's what keeps the world turning but I've realised she's taking me for a mug. I have started to just say no. It's awful and I feel terrible but she has to sort out something more sensible for her childcare for all our sakes.

Liiinoo · 04/11/2016 13:46

Don't answer the phone to her.

legotits · 04/11/2016 13:48

I'm not very articulate so my stock reply is
Fuck off I do have an actual job.

Mnetters will help with this, I love the crispness Grin

OurBlanche · 04/11/2016 13:48

Give her back her keys... post them through her letterbox... anything. But cut that cord!

AmeliaJack · 04/11/2016 13:49

Give back her keys.

Say no more firmly.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/11/2016 13:49

While you were at her house (for eight hours Shock ) did you eat all her custard creams , drink all her coffee and sit with your feet up on her sofa watching MTV?

Missed a trick there Wink

Original poster
HateSummer · 04/11/2016 13:50

RNBrie, yes! I feel terrible if I try to say no. The last time when I rescheduled her appointment she tried to make me go at 6pm aswell but I told her I couldn't I had work. Still felt guilty.

I just think she has 1 child and she could get organised. I don't know what's happening in her life/head, but another friend warned me people take advantage of me, and she was right.

I will practise how to say no!

OP posts:
Katy07 · 04/11/2016 13:51

Return the keys, quickly!

Clandestino · 04/11/2016 13:52

Give her the keys back. Less obligation for you.

Original poster
HateSummer · 04/11/2016 13:54

70isalimit: I wish! There was no tea in the house, a sink full of dishes so no washed mugs but she did leave a pizza in the oven. Luckily I'd taken our own food too. Then she called during her lunch time and told me to turn her water off because her boiler was leaking water in the waste and that's what needed to be fixed. So the last 3 hours we had to turn the water on everytime we used the bathroom and then turn it off Confused. HWe had wifi though!

OP posts:
weveallkissedafrogor2 · 04/11/2016 13:55

Stop answering shel soon get the message.
Post the keys back through the door ( or get someone else to)
Just say no....don't be rude obviously but always have an excuse in your belt!
Or just 'aw sorry I cant.....BYE!'

Maudlinmaud · 04/11/2016 13:56

You know it will only get worse if you don't say something to stop her. Yes she has/is having a shit time but she is taking the piss now.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 04/11/2016 13:56

Give the keys back. Don't do any more for her, even if she makes panicky noises at you.

RNBrie · 04/11/2016 13:57

I don't know if they do it consciously or not but I'm left feeling like I've been unreasonable to say no. I am nice, I try hard to be nice and always do the nice thing but I guess that leaves me open to people who will take as much as they can get away with.

My only advice is to say no without offering an explanation. If you give a reason why, they seem to be able to find a way around it.

I now have a stock text response "sorry, that's not going to work for me today"

I also don't answer the phone to her cause I can't think fast enough on my feet. So she has to leave a vm or text me and then I can text a reply.

She's literally just sent me text whilst I've typed this out Confused