to be furious with DH for making me wait

[Pinkandwhite]

I have now had three miscarriages and after each one, my DH has insisted on waiting several months before trying again. His rationale is that it's all too stressful and he needs a break from it. I find it torture to wait and I can't understand his logic. I think its better to just keep on trying - we have one DD so there is hope that I can carry a baby to term. I think I need some other people's perspectives on this because I feel so angry and resentful. Thanks

Hi OP

I haven't RTFT so this may have already been suggested (if so I'm sorry)

Is theare potential that he thinks if you Have a break from stressing over it, it may happen naturally but is trying to put it in a 'lets have a break for a while' way?

Does he mean going back onto contraception or does he mean stop all the tracking and sex on time stuff?

I'm also very sorry for your losses

I can't thank everyone enough for the responses. I'm sorry for the awful losses other people have suffered too.

He only wants a couple of months to recover a bit. He just wants until the New Year I think.

On the back of all of these helpful comments and the better perspective they have given me, we have managed to have a decent conversation about this and I think I understand his viewpoint a bit more.

I think we will look at having a bit of counselling though. This is a hard thing to go through.

I was put off counselling by people who suggested it was a make or break situation and counselling wouldn't help. But we knew we didn't want to split up we just needed help coming to terms with loosing our babies. It was the best decision we ever made. We are so strong and we communicate so much better now. It's worth a try xx

I'm so sorry for your losses and can't imagine what you have been through. I think you and your partner really need to be there for each other and support each other. I think you have different methods of coping which unfortunately means different timescales for trying again.

Perhaps some relationship counselling would help You both cope with what you've been through and also help you communicate with each other. Best of luck and I really hope things get better

His babies have died, too; you're not the only one grieving. Maybe he feels like trying again immediately is 'replacing' the babies you've lost and he doesn't want to do that yet. Just give him some time.

Side note: I'm sure the responses from some pps would be very different if you were the one who wanted to wait and he wanted to TTC immediately after a MC.

I'm so sorry for your losses, OP, and wish you all the luck in the world on having a healthy little one next time.

My DH and his first DW lost a baby at 12 weeks. He still grieves for this baby. At the time, thought, his DW was angry that he was "not showing any emotion". He just kept it all inside.

Men and women sometimes grieve differently, but they both grieve for lost babies.

Thanks for the replies. So helpful and such good points.

Another voice here to say go for the counselling - both together and separately if you can. It was vital to us to get through it all. A safe place to let out the anger and grief on your own and to have someone facilitate our understanding of how each other responds and needs support.
I came back to the house after being hospitalized in London for days with a mc. And DH was upbeat the next day about trying again and I just collapsed on the floor and sobbed and sobbed. I needed time to recover emotionally. So i have sympathy for your DH as well as for you. You have to find a joint approach that works for you both or you'll end up as one of the many marriages destroyed by infertility.

Everyone is being very nice. I guess your dh is well within his rights but I would be like you. That would drive me crazy. I had a mmc, I now have three babies. At the time my mmc broke me, I understand your terrible sadness and frustration. Good luck.

I want safeguards in place to protect women from other people getting to decide how long they aee allowed to take making decisions about their own bodies.

Doinitfine 20/07/2016