To feel sad that my 3 year old needs glasses?

[opalescent]

I took ds to the hospital yesterday for a check up with the optometrist, after noticing that he seemed to have a slight squint when watching the telly. I think I honestly thought they would just tell me that it was all fine, and nothing needed to be done.

Instead it turns out that he has quite poor vision, particularly in one eye. He needs glasses ASAP, which he will wear all he time, and there is a very high chance that they will also want to patch one eye following his next check up, to try and strengthen the other.

Admittedly I am pregnant and hormonal. But I just feel so sad and tearful! I love glasses, and I wear them. I don't have an issue with glasses as such. I just didn't expect poor ds to have poor vision so young, and also feel strange at the thought of him wearing glasses for the rest of his childhood- I know he will look gorgeous, and they will help him loads, it just feels scary and unexpected...
AIBU?

Agreed Dylan. I also had a 'too vain to wear them' phase in my teens and all that happened is my eyes got worse, because that's the nature of my sight issue. It gets worse.

Only read the OP, but I had the same thing. My DS was 3 and I was also pregnant. DS2 was blinking a lot so I got his eyes tested.

I was really sad too. I felt a failure that I hadn't noticed sooner.

DS was also patched for about a year, but it was fine. He also doesn't mind his glasses, they are just part of who he is.

Both my boys had to have glasses. My eldest is autistic and actually at the time we had so much going on (diagnosis, speech and language etc) that I didn't even consider it. He was picked up at three at screening. He has quite a mild prescription and now, at seven, he wouldn't be corrected if it weren't for his special needs. When my littlest boy turned two I noticed he was constantly robbing his brothers glasses, and his grandparents (all long sighted) but not mine (short sighted) and would watch tv in them! Thought this was super weird so text my best friend (luckily a great optometrist) and she agreed to check him, although I think we both thought he was just being funny. Turned out he is hugely long sighted (+9 in both eyes!). I'm not going to lie. I had a bit of a pang, because it was so bad! But the day he got his new glasses was magical. We put them on his face and he went quiet and just looked around. We went to a music group that week, which we had been going to since he was 6 months. His concentration was so much better and he was doing all the actions for the first time! The change is amazing. He also.looks very cute. He is two so they have been in for repair several times and he asks for them alot! It's obviously always really sad to hear that your child has an extra challenge, but it is so good it has been picked up!

I understand how sad you are but be positive, when I was little in the dark ages glasses for kids were horrid, other kids were often not very nice about them and it was awful to wear them. consequently I didn't and missed out on lots of things. your lad will be fine, attitudes have changed, the specs have changed and your boy will now grow up to be active, confident and above all able to see the world clearly.

Wow, overwhelmed with so many responses. It has been so helpful to read about other people's experiences, particularly with the patching.

yanbu. You will soon get used to seeing him wearing them and it will become part of who he is.

Ok, looked at an interesting BBC article on not wearing glasses in childhood and I'm talking bollocks, and a study showed it made myopia progress much quicker in children.

www.bbc.com/future/story/20140513-do-glasses-weaken-your-eyesight

Ignore me, I must be a freak of nature with my self-correcting eyes. Although I'm pretty sure one of my opticians told me that not using my glasses made the lazy muscles in my eye stronger, they must have been talking bollocks too.

Childhood myopia is inherited though right? Not caused by dietary or external factors? My dad was blind as a bat.

Not sure it is a normal reaction but it is understandable I guess.

My son wore glasses as a child and had patching and eye surgeries for severe squint. It was the least of our worries at the time since we were told he may have severe disabilities or even not make it. I lost a baby also to heart and lung problems. SO compared to that it seemed like nothing!!

A friend told me she was devastated her DD needed glasses and I found it hard to relate but I know that's because if my own experience. Everything is relative.

My son was fine with the glasses. hard at pre school age as other kids threw them etc but he was never bullied for it. he was bullied for the severe squint though but surgery stopped that.

ds had to get glasses at age 5 - he was picked up at a check at school. I was a bit saddened I suppose - until he got them and I realised what a change they made to his vision! I distinctly remember him pointing at a tree and saying "look mum - I can see all the leaves!" He is now 16 and his vision has improved enough not to need them any more. dd was identified at around 2 as needing glasses and due to her astigmatism will always need them (doesn't mean she'll always were them though!) She's 14 now - wearing glasses has not hindered her at all.
(I had a slight squint as a child and was "patched" - and had eye surgery to correct it at around age 5 - I remember quite like having the patch as my teacher told everyone I was a pirate!)

I know how you feel- neither DH or I had sight problems as a child but both our DC have needed glasses from a young age. I felt quite upset that somehow my DC had a health issue that would probably be with them for the rest of their lives and involves wearing something that they might find irritating/no like the look of. I remembered the awful nhs glasses children I was at school with had to wear and some of the taunts they got. I suppose I also felt (irrationally and subconsciously) that as their mum maybe I was responsible for this happening to them.

But the reality is that nowadays loads of children wear glasses and there are loads to choose from (including glasses with TV characters etc to appeal to younger children). Neither of my children has actually ever experienced any name calling etc about their glasses, infact some of the teen fashion shops sell frames with clear glass for girls to wear purely as an accessory. My teen DD has contact lenses now so that she has the choice over whether to wear glasses (and so that it's easier for sports)- she often chooses to go out in her glasses.

The only real issue we ever have is when we go swimming- I and both DC need glasses to read so on several occasions I have had to ask a stranger to read the number on my locker key so I can find my clothes (and glasses)! Compared to some of the life limiting problems faced by other children I know this seems pretty insignificant.

TeddyBee some degree of change in your late teens is normal as you're still growing. I had my eyes improve then too, shortly after I'd started wearing glasses.

OP, you can get some lovely glasses compared to when I had to start wearing them aged 9. I've eldest dd(8) and dts (4) who all wear glasses. Dd1 started wearing them when she was just 2. I knew ds2 had a squint from a tiny baby, as I recognised it from dd1. I wasn't prepared for dd2 to need them as well - they've checked all mine since dd1 as it's a hereditary thing. The twins were barely 8 months (yes, that's months) when they got their first pair.

Dd1 is currently sporting a purple pair, ds2 has just chosen a marvel pair with captain America, ironman and the Incredible Hulk on them. Dd2 has minion glasses and Anna from frozen. Ds2's second pair are also minion ones. There is a world of choice in characters from spec savers. I don't know if other opticians have similar ranges but it's worth looking round a few.

We've also had patching for both girls. Dd1, being older, had a soft patch which went over her glasses. Dd2, a stubborn mule if ever there was one, had to have adhesive ones. She hated every moment of wearing them but we gradually built her up with short to tv episodes and cuddles, progressing to iPad time and eventually a sticker chart. It got to the point where she now doesn't wear them, but this is a temporary measure until she is older and more settled in school. We're hoping she will tolerate them better next time round.

YANBU to be upset, my DS was the same, routine appointment then prescribed pretty strong glasses to correct a squint and pretty bad eyesight in general and told he'll probably need a patch in the not to distant future and have life long poor eyesight. He was 18 months. I was heartbroken when I was told. We then walked through the children's outpatient department and saw kids with all manner of ailments and disabilities who were in a much much worse position to my DS and I thank my lucky stars every day that all we hopefully need to be concerned about are a pair of glasses that he looks ridiculously gorgeous in.

YANBU. I felt the same when my DS had to get glasses at age 3. It made her look like a slightly different little girl.

I very quickly got used to them & it was lovely that she stopped walking into things (I had been telling dr for ages that i wondered about her vision but he was all "there, there little lady, nervous mum fussing").

She's grown up now, still wears glasses, and when I see a little girl in glasses I feel quite protective & say "oh look, she's just like Sweetpea!"

You'll get used to it. It just makes your child seem a bit vulnerable and you weren't expecting that. But it's fine & you'll both get used to it.

My 4 yr old Goddaughter was a very reluctant glasses wearer, until discovering Leo in "Little Einsteins" was rather cool and the leader of the gang, piloted the rocket, went on lots of adventures etc!

www.disneyclips.com/imagesnewb2/images/ein14.gif

Wishing your DS well x

Ah I totally understand how you feel... sending you a hug. Things like this are really upsetting when they catch you on the hop but try and be positive and very soon you won't remember what he was like without them! He'll look gorgeous with them too. They've got lovely ones now.. not like years ago when we were kids haha

My son has glasses and is now in his second round of patching ( they said when he started identifying letters it might need more correction) he loves his glasses and has several friends that wear them too. He currently has minion ones ( we went to spec savers and got a free spare pair so had them as sunglasses). There are some lovely frames around now...and he reminds us if we don't put his patch on!

DD has worn glass since she was 3,she now can't imagine not wearing them. She has a congenital defect in her eye muscles so she needed them from as early as possible.

Sounds like a normal reaction, but honestly, glasses are fine. I've been wearing glasses since I was 5, if not earlier, and while I could now wear contacts, I tried it once and it didn't look like me in the mirror - I like my face with glasses, it's me :)

Plus which, they come in so many colours and shapes these days - literally eye candy :)

Think how much easier school will be - he'all be able to see the blackboard / whiteboard.

Can I suggest getting at least one spare pair? Preferable two but that may be expensive.

My DS loves his glasses. He only needs them for one eye so can see fine when not wearing them (e.g. he doesn't wear them for sports). They recently got broken and he was very unhappy to not have them.

You could decide to either be unhappy that your kid has to wear them or you could be really happy that your kid is going to be able to see so much better. You can choose to focus on the positive if you want.

We also did the cool glasses thing, people used to comment often on the glasses he wore when he was younger and how they loved them. Now he is a teen and wants more average looking ones. We buy them online for peanuts and he usually has several pairs to choose from.

I remember the first day DD1 put on her prescribed glasses, she was so incredibly happy, and amazed at what she could now see.

It made me cry just to see how excited she was (I think she must have been about 7)

Take your hospital prescription to specsavers as they will give you 2 pairs of glasses for when he inevitably breaks them!

My ds1 has terrible vision but it wasn't picked up until the reception screening so he was 5 when he started wearing glasses. He was patched too, didn't bother him at all.

It is odd when they first start wearing glasses but soon you find they look odd without them.

I think it is understandable to be upset, but he will be fine.

You have picked up a problem in the early stages, so treatment has a much better chance of good results. That means less chance of him struggling with learning to read and write at school because he can't see what he is doing.

I have worn glasses since the age of about two for similar reasons to your DS. I also had surgery twice to correct my squint as far as possible.

I am 50 now and still wear glasses. As far as I am concerned they are part of my face and I feel incomplete if I have to take them off for any reason.

Glasses available for children are light years away from what was available when I was that age. So much more choice of style and colour.

He will look great.

I was upset initially when DS got his first glasses at 11 weeks old but soon got used to it, and seeing him with them the first time was amazing. Suddenly he could see everything, it was really quite moving.

He patched lots aged 4-6 but eventually had a squint operation at 6. His had other problems with his eye though so had a couple of other operations too.

It's really not an issue for the kids as there are cool glasses now. But I do understand the initial reaction, you will soon get used to it and your DC will soon look odd if they're not wearing glasses.