To take DS out of preschool? Advice needed.

[JCBFastrac]

DS is 3, started preschool in Sept this year. We knew it would be difficult for him as he's never been looked after by anyone except me, DH or grandma. Wasn't too bad at first but once he got wind that I would always leave him there, he's become incredibly upset about going. Today I took him in for the second time since half term week and it's been terrible. DH has been having to come with me to help as DS been getting so upset in the car on the way there that I can't concentrate on driving. It takes a while to persuade him to go into the building and he's so distressed when we leave him. When we're at home, he keeps asking 'we not going to preschool today?' so he's clearly dreading it.

The staff there have been very helpful and supportive and they insist that it will get better and that if he doesn't learn this lesson now then there may be real problems when it comes to starting school next year.

The staff put observations/photos on an online site so that we can see what he's been doing there and he usually looks happy and engaged. He obviously resigns himself to the fact that he's there and gets on with it.

DH and I are seriously considering taking him out of preschool because it's causing him so much distress, but we honestly don't know what is the best thing to do.

I think taking him out if that is what you decide to do next week will give him a
huge boost of confidence. Have a proper conversation with him so he knows you are listening. You don't seem to like nursery, would you like to stop going? Maybe we could try a different one after Christmas? Etc it might seem less final for you and open up possibities of discussing different ones if you are worried about him not doing any.

I'm always confused to why people think children MUST attend a pre school
It has no bearing on friendship groups or indeed learning at actual school
Neither of mine went to any such thing; in fact my eldest being summer born also missed reception so started in year 1 and both were confident, sociable and eager to learn children who are doing very well at school. All nonsense!!!
If a child enjoys it, fine but don't be sucked in to what's the "norm"

I'd take him out. I wouldn't even try one more time. if you need the childcare, try a CM; if you don't then enjoy the time with him. The nursery staff are bound to think nursery's important, but they don't know him like you do: trust yourself.

Could you try 4 mornings a week rather than 2 days apart?

I don't think they need preschool either, but I do think now you've started uou need to persevere because taking him out is giving him a whole message on that and uou will likely struggle when he needs to go to school

My daughter also did this, and I needed to be tough with her. It was really bad, screaming and holding onto my leg stuff. No mummy no mummy no mummy. Staff said as soon as I walked out she walked in, smiled and got on with it. She adjusted and yep she had fun. I would not have wanted to do it twice, and if uou take him out, that's what you're going to do and you're going to dread school.

Nonsense again
My daughters class is a mixture of parents who have never used any childcare at all to ones that have used it from a few months.
Some kids love school and are completely ready for the independence and structure it brings like mine and others are crying hysterically
In fact none who are crying are those who have never been to pre school - it can work both ways as they are perhaps more secure by the time they reach school due to having a lot of one to one parent time

He only does 2 mornings a week, maddening. Agreed, kits, surely unless there's SN or home deprivation, it's part of parenting to teach basic numbers, colours etc. DS doesn't do anything there that he doesn't do at home. Certainly not a school before school!! If we take him out we'd certainly try again in a few months, perhaps in a different setting.

Op - it sounds like the actual separation that's the issue, not the thing he's being separated from you to do - if he's enjoying it once you've gone. I'd ask the staff to be honest, how long is it taking him to settle down once you've gone. If it's less than 5 minutes and he's actually enjoying the pre-school experience itself, then I'd stick with it, if it's just the drop off that upsets him.

If he's not settling for a long time, then ask if you can remove him and just do a couple of mornings on the last term before he starts school.

If it's separation rather than pre-school that's the issue, I would work on that.

Does he have friends in pre-school he sees outside of pre-school? Can you arrange to walk in with them (even if it means calling at their house on the way).

Most of the time I think he has enjoyed it there but last time was awful. He clearly hadn't had a good time. I was outside and could hear him wailing for a few minutes and then it calmed down. At pick-up, he'd not done any craft to bring home and he just seemed dejected.

He has one friend who also goes there but it makes no difference, he still doesn't want to go in.

He's also been really quite angry this weekend and I wonder if it's got anything to do with preschool.

Does he need to be there op? For childcare purposes?
Is it even linked to the school you will apply for?

There are a few people here saying not to trust the nursery that he has settled quickly once you're gone. I am a nursery manager and we really don't have a vested interest in keeping children in who are not ready, if a child is upset for a prolonged period it makes it hard for everyone else, and is upsetting for us as staff, we are in this job because we want the best for children. Anyone who doesn't trust their nursery to tell them if their child has settled should pull them out - how can you send your child to a setting where you don't trust the staff?

It's not logical to have to deal with such a distressing problem now just for a chance of avoiding it later! He might be fine at school. You'll never get this year back. Schools are used to it and yes they teach all the phonics. My two did full time nursery as I work full time but in your situation I'd just pull Hume out and enjoy spending this time with him.

No he doesn't need to be there mum as I'm at home. But the preschool is linked to the school he'll probably go to. I do trust the staff but am worried that their insistence that it's 'for the best' for him is wrong.

I would up his hours so he does 5 mornings - regular attendance will help him settle.
Many/most children won't produce a craft every morning so I wouldn't worry about that as an indicator of anything.
The staff are right that it is normal for children to protest separation but settle down and have a happy, busy session.