To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

Please report..

I have been a (part time) childminder for ten years and I get sick of hearing stories like that. It gives our profession a bad name.

I have looked after easy babies, babies who take longer to settle, children with severe food allergies, toddlers who don't speak English, one older boy who is autistic, and one child with type 1 diabetes. We don't only take easy babies. This is terrible and please report her.

Sounds dreadful and I agree with others that you have dodged a bullet.

What occurs to me is that the number of DC a CM is able to have depends upon their ages. A CM friend doesn't actually make any money from babies; her profit comes from toddlers and after school older DC. I wonder if the CM would prefer 2 older DC who would be less demanding to 1 baby?

That's tough for you if it's true, but if that is her view, then she is not the CM for your baby.

I hope the Nursery visit goes well.

I think she needs to refund you. I do think she can take on who she likes, and if it was my baby I would rather have someone who can handle them so I'd be glad she was honest. She is obviously used to quiet, placid babies..

I think she should refund the £150.

But also think she can choose to look after easier babies if she wants to.

As a pp said you've dodged a bullet and presumably wouldn't want her looking after him now.
Try not to feel offended or down by what she said about him - perhaps her baby was a contented little pudding. You get used to the type of baby you have!
You only have to go to a mother and baby group to see the difference in babies - obviously they all end up the same but I had a very lively first one and I was a bit shocked first time at mothers groups at other babies sat quietly looking at things while mine was rolling and grabbing & bashing & sqawking etc. Other mums commented how hard it must be but I knew no different & loved how lively he was. He was a toddler 'in to everything' as well and yes its not easy. I went on to have a quiet little pudding and god it was easy in comparison. They have grown up to be bright and sociable

Some babies can be difficult. My first was pretty much only happy in someones arms for his first 9 months. If I was a self employed childminder I couldn't have managed his paininthearsery needs and been as effective with the other children.

She was honest with you rather than creating an unhealthy atmosphere and that's something to be thankful for.

Aren't you owed 1.5 days money? I'd be going to small claims court on principle!

In principal I do think that childminders should be able to choose who they take. When I was about 6 a boy who was a couple of years younger than me started coming to my childminder's. He would run around screaming, pushing over babies who were just learning to walk, tipping plates of food on the floor, etc. Not just occasionally - it was literally constant. The childminder finally told his mother that she would no longer look after him once he pushed another child off a climbing frame, resulting in that child needing to go to A&E.

But deciding a little baby is too difficult after less than a week is not great. I mean, how hard can a six month old be (compared to another six month old)?

I don't think I would be happy, but I think I would accept that there was nothing I could do. She is within her rights.

RE a 'difficult' baby, I really don't think he is. His older brother was definitely a nightmare (refused bottles, refused sleep, hated it if put down for a single second).
DS2 is more than happy to roll around/jump/shake some bells for long periods of time. I therefore think he's an average baby - he isn't perhaps peacefully surveying the world happily, but is content for periods of time. I don't feel he is outside the range of average at baby groups etc.

Perhaps after DS1 though any baby I had would be considered 'easy'!

I also don't think 'difficult' is a neutral descriptor.

That's awful! I could maybe understand if it was a 3 year old who is going around hitting other children and having tantrums and the parents weren't noticing but what can a 6.5 month old possibly do to be 'badly' behaved. Your poor baby must have been picking up on the childminder's anxiety and inability to cope and thats probably why he was crying all day. Dodged a bullet there. I do think you're entitled to the money back but I don't know how you could go about it.

How much money have you given in total and how many days has the CM had the baby OP?

Trifle are you honestly saying that if your child was in my class and I had allowed another child to go and scream in your child's face because they were crying and then I blamed that scenario on your child for being upset that you wouldn't consider that unprofessional of me?

I fail to see how three random days would help any child settle in, never mind a 6mo

Rubbish CM! Write a review on childcare.Co.UK if she's on there and tell your friends/relatives!
And ask for the 150 back. If she has any morals she will give it back to you. You've dodged a bullet, find someone better!!
I had a CM with my first one and she was 6 months barely when she started, she was exclusively bf and wouldn't take bottles (EBM) easily at all and was used to being picked up a lot, wouldn't sleep much etc bt my CM was fab and handled it all!! Your CM's description is that of a normal baby in an unfamiliar environment.

What I am not happy with is that this was not noticed during the free settling period,

Ah, bit of a drip feed - when was the free settling in period, OP?

Regards to the money I have paid for 4 days; used 3.5 due to CM holiday. I accept I am only legally entitled to half a day's pay back, but morally it feels wrong. I would not have been paying or using it had it not been a condition of keeping a place until December. I accept it's just one of those things, but I am annoyed of having thrown that money away.

I didn't say it was professional, but nor do I think she 'let' her child scream in your child's face. I think it's something that happened and she is trying to remove the issue.

I don't see how the settling period is a 'drip feed'. It was a 2 hour session before he started, and nothing was noted then. Therefore as I suggested up thread it is not robust enough to see whether the childcare is a good match or not.

I think you've had a lucky escape there. She doesn't sound all that well equipped to be a childminder if she can't cope with a perfectly normal 6.5 month baby - God help her with skme toddlers! Ask around for recommendations and chalk this one up to experience.

I think the language she used was awful but i can't see she's done anything wrong.
You wanted a child care place from December for 1 day a week.
She said i have a space but you'll need to pay me for the days between now and then but it's up to you whether you leave baby with me or not.
You chose to leave baby with her for 3.5 full days - no short settling in period. Therefore you had a service and I'm struggling to see why you nerd money back.

I did have a service, but it was only on the basis of a place in December. I would not require the childcare otherwise. I used the days because I was paying regardless. I would not have used them had they not been a prerequisite to a space from December. I accept I won't get anything back, but I hope others can see why I am annoyed. I do feel I am due the half day's fees back due to her going on holiday.

thumbs up to abadoo

She did let her child scream in a baby's face.

But as she's clearly utterly incompetent and dishonest, it should come as no surprise that her child is so poorly behaved and your baby wasn't looked aftee adequately.

Is this a scam? Maybe she's taking loads of £150s and giving the babies back

Remember that Chester Zoo scam? I wonder what happened about that?

£150 for 3.5 days childcare sounds a bargain to me. You wouldn't get that in most places.
£80-90 per day is average here