To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

[ExcellentWorkThereMary]

What a horrible situation. She has been very unprofessional in my opinion. If she didn't feel it was going to work (after 3.5 days?!) then there are better ways to approach it.

It does sound a bit scammy, to be honest. You pay her money to hold a place which she is then able to refuse to give to you? I don't think the argument that you've used the service is logical - you paid to hold a place for December and she is now saying she is refusing to give you that place.

a childminder that doesn't like crying babies shouldn't take babies at all! She sounds ill equipped for her job.

I'd contact Ofsted. And pursue getting your money back, she has decided not to give you the place so the "place holding fee" is invalid as there either is no place to hold.

Hope you get on better with the nursery. Good luck! :)

[DoinItFine]

At the same time though if your baby hasn't settled in and she felt she couldn't cope with looking after him it is best for her to stop.

AND refund the money.

This is like taking on a contract, starting the work, realising you aren't up to it, and then exoecting payment for the shite you managed to produce before you realised you couldn't do it.

[ReallyTired]

It must be a record for a six month old baby to be permanently excluded from a childcare setting. If the childminder knew anything about children she would know that it often takes time for a six month old baby to settle in.

In your position I would look at the contract you signed and see what notice the childminder is expected to give the parent. When I used a childminder had to give notice as well as the parent. A contract has to be honoured by both parties. If she has left you in the lurch by permanently excluding a six month old baby then she be paying you compensation. You definitely have strong grounds for getting your £150t baby. Otherwise it is scam.

Definitely report to OFSTED.

[middlings]

Report her. That's really bad.

I agree that she should be able to take who she wants but it sounds like she didn't even try :(
I wouldn't be having that.
That's rubbish OP :(

[StarBears]

As I understand it from the OP, the £150 was not a separate deposit, non-redeemable or refundable under any circumstances with childcare being paid on top of or as well as.

It was a holding sum until childcare started at which point it was redeemable to pay for care.

If the OP had told childminder before the care started that she didn't want to use the service, then the deposit would have been lost.

But as the childcare had started, the £150 turns from holding place into money to pay for childcare.

That's what I make of it. Perhaps someone legal could comment. Did you have a contract?

[Trifleorbust]

Report her for what? A placement hasn't worked out and she has been honest about it. Story over.

[LadyAEIOU]

You should get your £150 back surely as it was to hold a place with the CM and the CM has removed that place.

[My2centsworth]

She does not sound like she is equipped to mind young babies. They cry, they take time to settle, they are demanding. I would be furious with the personal nature of the jibes she levelled and I would be disappointed that something I thought I had sorted for a stressful time, going back to work had rereared its personal head.

However my most abiding feeling and this should be yours too would be that of relief she really cannot do this job and my child would be better out if it. I would personally chalk it down to experience but if the opportunity arose I would leave a review so others can be aware of her not fitting well with the childminding role. Hope you get sorted.

[kaitlinktm]

I think it's awful that she left your baby's things on your doorstep and ran off - it makes it look as though she feels guilty.

[Atenco]

You poor thing, OP. My dd took two months to settle in when she went to nursery school. Hope you get your money back.

[user1477282676]

My friend had this but her son was older at 18 months. He turned out to have autism though and the minder couldn't manage him.

[DoinItFine]

Report her for advertising and accepting money for a service which she is not equipped to supply.

[SleepFreeZone]

Id have loved this to have been written as a reverse as the replies in this thread would have been SO different 🙄

[Bear2014]

I would look at some decent nurseries OP. Our DD has been at two nurseries (we moved house) and the staff have been brilliant, attentive, nurturing. Because there are several staff in the room, they can hand the baby around a bit and take turns before the baby and staff member get on each others' nerves. Baby will also be stimulated by the other babies and older children.

I don't have personal experience of childminders, but a few friends have had some not great experiences, with the kids being under-stimulated, ferried around to the shops, on school runs etc. At nursery the environment and the staff are 100% geared around baby's needs at any given time.

[Trifleorbust]

I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life as the suggestions to report this woman to Ofsted. She isn't obliged to take any specific child if the arrangement isn't working out. She is a qualified childminder so it isn't a case of her being unfit, it's her being unwilling to set up an unsuitable dynamic. Report her, OP, if it makes you feel better - nothing will come of it.

[budgiegirl]

Report her for advertising and accepting money for a service which she is not equipped to supply

I admit that I don't know much about how childminding services work, but don't most childminders charge for a 'settling in period?

I agree that the childminder hasn't used the most professional language, but the OP was paying for one day a week until starting full time, and as she used some of those days, I can't really see how the CM has done all that much wrong, or owes any money back.

It hasn't been handled all that well, but the CM is not obliged to take on a baby she doesn't think will fit well.

OP, how long was it between the last time your baby stayed with the CM, and when she phoned you to tell you that it wasn't going to work out? If she'd been charging you for that time, then I think you would be entitled to that money back.

[llhj]

I've never heard of such behaviour from a childminder. Not even close.

[DoinItFine]

Of course it's totally insane to complain the the professional body of a professional who scams you and is unable to provide even the most basic service offered by people in that field.

Payment made for a "settling in period" should be refunded if the person doing the settling in is unable to do what they accepted payment for.

This is not remotely how decent childminders operate.

And it us the kind of thing other parents and organising bodies like to know about.

A CM who pulled that around this way would find herself with a new business problem very quickly.

And rightly so. I wouldn't touch a CM who behaved that way, even to mind older children.

[ZoeTurtle]

Id have loved this to have been written as a reverse as the replies in this thread would have been SO different 🙄

How do you imagine they would be different?

I'd have told the childminder exactly the same - that it was incredibly rude and unprofessional to say that to the mother.

[Sparlklesilverglitter]

If a childminder struggles to cope with a 6 month old baby I'd wonder how good at her job she was Tbh!
You've dodged a bullet there almost certainly

[Rumtopf]

The descriptive language she used was unprofessional, but she was probably embarrassed, upset and stressed. If she's not the right fit for your child it's better to find it out now. Not worthy of reporting to Ofsted or Pacey (used to be NCMA).
It sounds as if the £150 fee was to hold the place, not to be used against the first month's bill, is this correct? If you've been using the place then multiply the day rate or hourly rate by the hours used and subtract that from the £150 already paid. You're more than likely about equal though.

I honestly think that she is entitled to accept what children she likes, as long as she is adhering to policy and not excluding based on race or religion. When I used to mind I had two harder to settle children in 7 years, one I persevered with for 3 months and one day it was like flicking a switch they came in happy and smiling and that was it for the rest of their time with me. The other child I persevered with for 6 months, resorting to borrowing a sling and carrying them around on me all day while caring for at least two other children. One day they cried (without clear reason) for 7 hours out of 9, it nearly broke me and was terribly upsetting for the other children. One refused to come in if the baby was here and had a meltdown on the drive way, that was the catalyst for terminating the contract.

I hope your nursery visit goes well, it could just be that a nursery environment suits yours and your babies needs a lot better.

[HyacinthFuckit]

I don't know that trading standards or her regulatory body would necessarily have anything to say about the money, but it does surprise me that the CM didn't refund. Just for reasons of professionalism.

[a7mints]

When I went to an information evening for prospective childminders a few years back, I remember being given the advice to always give them a weeks trial as you don't necessarily want to take on a screamy baby or feral toddler.That was run by the council so I don't think reporting will get you very far!

[DoinItFine]

If PACEY don't care that their members are gouging people in this way and too incompetent to mind a 6 month old baby, then they are as shite as they were when they were NCMA.

But I would still complain, including the bit about her failing to stop her toddler attacking a baby in her care.

But the most important thing is to tell all your friends.

People don't leave their children with people without asking around.

Make sure they know to avoid this scammy incompetent.

[randomer]

report her . there is no such thing as a difficult baby. SHE WANTS MONEY and doesnt care about children