To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

[Trifleorbust]

'No such thing as a difficult baby' - giggle.

[ScrubbedPine]

Id have loved this to have been written as a reverse as the replies in this thread would have been SO different

What, if the OP had written something along the lines of

'I'm a childminder and I took on a new six month old baby, for which I billed the parents £150 month as a place holding fee until they could take up the place when the mother returned to work several months later. Because he was unreasonable enough to cry during the three days I actually looked after him, unsettling my three year old who then screamed in his face, I then phoned his mother and told her he was a difficult baby and I'd never seen anything like him in my life, and I was terminating the agreement. I then left the baby's clothes and spare nappies on his parents' doorstep without even having the basic professionalism to hand them back face to face. Oh, did I mention that I had to cut one of the three days the baby was with me short in order to go on holiday, and that I gave his parents a day's notice?'

I imagine the OP would have got questions about her experience and professionalism in childcare, how she had tried to settle the crying baby, and whether she had thought properly about how to integrate her charges with her own young children...?

S

[DoinItFine]

If you can't manage difficult babies, you have no business being a childminder.

It's like if a builder came around, started a standard job, left your house in a massive mess and then said he couldn't be arsed finishing because it was too hard, but yiu could still oay him for the masdive inconvenience e caused you.

[budgiegirl]

"there is no such thing as a difficult baby"

Ha ha ha ha ha - oh, wait, you're not joking?

[Bear2014]

Of course there is such a thing as a difficult baby! There is also such a thing as professionalism and good manners.

[budgiegirl]

If you can't manage difficult babies, you have no business being a childminder

It might not be that she can't manage a difficult baby, she just might not want to have to. That's the one of the (few) upsides of being self employed, she can choose not to take on a child if she doesn't want to.

[Trifleorbust]

Anyway, it's irrelevant whether she can or can't handle all babies. She doesn't have to. All she has to do is keep the babies in her care safe and well. If that means not taking on a specific baby, that is her judgement call to make.

[randomer]

I have had kids and so I'm sorry I don't buy the " difficult baby " bit. Tired, teething,upset by change,demanding yes but " difficult" no. What a ridiculous label to put on a baby.

It is the job of the paid carer to do just that....care.Not let another kid scream at baby

[DoinItFine]

Well anybody can be a self-employed piss artist who turns down standard jobs after they have started them and in doing so cause enormous inconvenience for their client and difficulty for a baby.

But they are likely to find complaints made to any regulators in their industry and any organisations they are a member of, and to get a well-deserved reputation for being incompetent and dishonest.

A proper CM who changed their mind about having a baby woukd have refunded the £150 no questions asked.

Of course even self-employed people can act like dicks, but the people they are dicks to have a variety of means at their disposal to make sure they don't get away with it.

[BillSykesDog]

I think she's a scam artist too.

[Trifleorbust]

A baby is difficult if they are more demanding than is usual for babies of the same age. It is a common sense descriptor, not an insult.

[My2centsworth]

Just because someone has qualified as a childminder does not make them fit to practice. In the same way someone who qualified as a HCP may become unfit to practice for doing something unbecoming of the role. The CM here is walking that unbecoming of the role line when her 3 year old screams in a babies face and the CM sees problems only with the baby.

[My2centsworth]

Baby's face.

[Cheerybigbottom]

I am shocked at this cm's behaviour and the way she described your baby. She's been a cm since last year and she's never seen a baby like yours? What a 6 month old who's only been given 3.5 odd days to settle with a new caregiver?

I think other parents in your area would appreciate hearing your experience before using this cm. I'd hate to find my child's belongings dumped at the front door.

[Trifleorbust]

Kids behave in different ways around other kids. If the other child screamed at the baby because the baby frustrated it to that degree, the CM is doing the responsible thing by identifying that problem and taking action. Naturally she isn't going to stop taking care of her own child, so the decision not to care for the OP's child makes sense in that context. She is not obliged to be welcoming of every baby, no matter how that baby's presence changes the existing dynamic, and it would be irresponsible of her to not evaluate how the mix of children is working. Some of the responses here are practically hysterical.

[user1471461752]

As much of a pain as it is, I think you've dodged a bullet. No way would I sant my child looked after by her. She can chose who she wants to take but by giving up so quickly she is showing she can't be bothered with her job and doesn't have a very caring personality.

You are probably feeling really hurt by what she said and I would be too. My son was a difficult baby and I think nursery found him quite demanding of time and found him difficult to get to nap but they never said anything so awful. Also, I guess there was several staff to deal with him so took the pressure off. If it's any consolation he is now the loveliest 8 year old. Calm, kind and quiet with a really thoughtful personality. X

[ILoveDolly]

I'd say it was rather unprofessional but perhaps a lucky escape. Maybe go for a slightly older CM more experienced with coping with various babies? Hope you find someone soon x

[ReallyTired]

I think that the childminder should not take on any other children as her own daughter clearly has problems. The reality is that it's the three year who has the behaviour issues rather than a small baby. The problem is a childminder cannot give notice to her own child.

[Sandsnake]

You've had a lucky escape. She should definitely refund you, no doubt about it. Otherwise what's to stop her from doing this again and again with other 'difficult' babies.

She's entitled to choose her clients but has treated you very unprofessionally. I think there are a minority of childminders who do it purely to be able to stay at home with their own children, rather than out of any particular affinity towards childcare. Sounds like she is one of these. I hope you find someone suitable to care for your son.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

He cries and needs a lot of attention.
Yeah babies tend to do that.

[3luckystars]

Luck escape! Good riddance!

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

she is a fucking sahit CM, consider it a lucky escape. and get your £150 back and use small claims court if not

You really have escaped s bullet, but you do have a case to get your money back , or at least some!

[abadoo]

Poor you. Whether or not you get your money back hearing those sorts of comments can't have been nice so. Some babies need more attention than others but they are just babies. Not difficult or easy. Sounds like her attitude is not well suited to looking after children.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

I have to say, I would try and fuck her over give her a bad report to ofsted for this, its just shabby!

[Introvertedbuthappy]

Okay, I accept IABU about whether she can choose to look after easy babies. She can choose who she wants. What I am not happy with is that this was not noticed during the free settling period, and that I wasted £150 on childcare I did not need to hold a place on the promise of 3 days from December. I would not have randomly paid for one day's a week childcare otherwise, although clearly I'm glad I found out now rather than when back at work. I don't think I can chase the money legally, although morally it seems wrong to have been told to pay £150 to hold the space, then that space terminated after 3.5 days.
With regards to reporting if anything it would be over the negative language. I am a teacher and I am sure that Trifle and others would not be happy if after 3.5 days in reception I had refused to have them back because they were upset, called them difficult and allowed my own child to scream 'shut up' in their face. I think that is not something i would expect as a childcare professional and if I used that language about a child in my school (indeed one with increased agency than a 6mo) I would rightly be hauled over the coals.
Thanks for the perspectives though. I believe I am entitled money to the half day for the holiday she took, and I will reflect further on the professionalism aspect. It worries me that I've been given the wrong wipes back - my son has eczema so I am very specific about the ones I use.