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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Be absolutely honest. If you could do it all again, would you have had kids ?

502 replies

Pisssssedofff · 02/11/2016 07:43

I'll answer later.

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 02/11/2016 10:32

Absolutely I love being a mum. I just wish I had met someone more like Tinkiiev instead of exh Grin

minijoeyjojo · 02/11/2016 10:37

Yes, absolutely. She's the best thing ever! I wish I'd done it sooner Grin

fishofdespair · 02/11/2016 10:38

I would have had them 10 years younger. I know that's not the question, but I'm not sure that I would have done it all again at the age I was when I had my first.

HuckleberryGin · 02/11/2016 10:38

No, probably not. I think about this quite often. I might do it if I just had one (although I love DC2 to her bones- she is very, very hard work). And I wouldn't have had them with DH, I probably should have waited a few years, realised he was an arse and left him. Then maybe, with someone more supportive. But I have a mental illness and I'm not a natural mother. I miss my old life, I think I could have done great things. I miss being alone, I miss reading books, I miss so much. DCs are 7 and 4 at the moment and relentless.

Justaboy · 02/11/2016 10:40

Yes even at my age if there were some woman around who wanted to with me;)

Dieu · 02/11/2016 10:41

Nah. Deep down, I'm incurably selfish. Grin

SlottedSpoon · 02/11/2016 10:41

All of those of you at the begin of the journey, cherish every moment please. The saying the days are long but the years are short is so true

Pissssed Flowers I know how you feel and still do, on occasion. My DC are all young adults now but I've had one very troublesome teen who still occasionally gives me grief even though they are no longer a teen. Yet a sweeter, more compliant and loveable small child you could not have met.

It's bittersweet for me to hear people moaning about sleepless nights with babies and toddler tantrums and minor issues with young kids because in comparison to parenting teens and worrying about our young adults as they make daft choices, take daft risks, throw away great opportunities, have volatile relationships etc, etc, those are the things which have kept me awake at night over the last few years and all that other stuff was a walk in the fucking park in comparison f you ask me. I often wish I could turn the clock back to when they were all about 5-10 years old which was such an easy and magical time. No exam stress, no hormones, no throwing their weight around at home, no disappearing and turning their phone off when they should have been home.

I am coming out the other side of most of my teen parenting traumas now and I am still sane, not a basket case, an alcoholic or on Prozac although I sometimes wonder how I managed it. Smile

Limitless · 02/11/2016 10:42

Yes but I might have had less of them. 🤔 It be hard to choose which ones I'd have kept though as I like all of them.

bibliomania · 02/11/2016 10:43

Yes, If I could, I would change the circumstances - wouldn't have panicked at 32 (for God's sake, it wasn't that old!) and got pregnant by the wrong person at the wrong time. I'd still rather have done it wrong than not have done it all.

Katedotness1963 · 02/11/2016 10:45

Yes. I wish they'd come along sooner, we tried for 14 years before our eldest was born. They're great kids, well worth the wait but some days teenage hormones and menopause hormones are a bit of a clash.

WhatHaveIFound · 02/11/2016 10:50

Yes, but i'd have had them earlier so that they could have spent a little more time with my wonderful FIL before he died (DS was only 2).

Dh would have preferred more than two and i might have considered that too if we'd started when i was younger and hadn't gone down the private school route.

QuodPeriitPeriit · 02/11/2016 10:50

Yes definitely. Had first at 38 (now have 4 teens/pre teens), so feel like I have had the best of both worlds.

MummyToOneGirl · 02/11/2016 10:54

Absolutely yes. But, if I had my time again I would make the most of the freedom pre-child - I would have travelled much, much more.

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 02/11/2016 10:54

Yes I would and probably with the same age gaps as well.

Stormwhale · 02/11/2016 10:56

Absolutely yes. No doubt about it.

Pengweng · 02/11/2016 10:57

Absolutely!! I adore them both.

If i could change one thing it would be that i wish i had had more help when the DT were babies. Either living closer to family so it wasn't just DH and I in the midst of it all. Or more money to hire help (cleaner, night nanny, babysitter etc).

I'd also liked to have hired someone to toilet train DT2 as she was a nightmare but we got there in the end. Grin

ElspethFlashman · 02/11/2016 11:01

Yes despite the work.

But I had them late so I had 20 years of clubbing and partying behind me. So I don't feel resentful. I was ready for a change.

AdoraBell · 02/11/2016 11:01

Yes. But if my mother had the option of doing it again I wouldn't be here.

RavioliOnToast · 02/11/2016 11:02

I would have, no doubt about it. But I would have had them a little later, maybe started at 25 and I'd have had them further apart. I'm 23 with a 4.5 year old and a 20mo. Still fucking tough, I've never travelled, always had 'jobs' no career though. I'd have been more selfish basically.

NickiFury · 02/11/2016 11:03

Yes and I would start earlier and have another one or two.

niceupthedance · 02/11/2016 11:03

No. Definitely not pregnancy, birth and first five years on my own with one that's for sure.

JLoTheAstra · 02/11/2016 11:07

Yes, absolutely. Motherhood has brought me to my knees at times, but I've never regretted bringing my DC into the world.

I acknowledge that I had a pretty privileged life before DC though: 10 years of travel and a good career. We also don't have any money worries (touch wood). I know those factors have made a big difference to me.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 02/11/2016 11:08

Yes. I have three and I love being a mother. But what 2kids2dogs says about the constant worry and anxiety strikes a deep chord. That's incredibly hard, and I really struggle with it.

MessyBun247 · 02/11/2016 11:08

DD1 was a joy once she could walk and talk, before that i found it pretty tough. She is 11 now and great, although hormones are kicking in.

DD2 is 9 months and again, Im wishing the days away until she can walk and talk. I find it so much easier once they are toddlers.

So no, i dont regret it at all, i just dont like the baby stage!

KayTee87 · 02/11/2016 11:11

Yes, my husband and I are obsessed with our baby boy. I actually enjoy getting up to feed him at night as he cuddles into me all sleepy afterwards Smile I go to sleep at night already excited to see his happy wee face in the morning.
Yes I'm tired, hated being pregnant and had a horrible labour / delivery but it is so worth it and I will hopefully be doing it all over again in a few years.

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