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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Be absolutely honest. If you could do it all again, would you have had kids ?

502 replies

Pisssssedofff · 02/11/2016 07:43

I'll answer later.

OP posts:
DamePastel · 02/11/2016 10:09

My answer too honest for some on this thread I bet.

I dIDN'T have dc1 til i was 32 and in a perfect world I'd have had her at about 27 I think, and stopped there. I don't think I should have had dc2 at 35. (relationship doomed etc). I'd have a better relationship with dc1 if she were the only. (dc2 has an sn and is v demanding). Also, a boy and a girl, so it put extra financial pressure on me when I left their dad, needing three bedrooms. childcare costs for two at different stages / schools made working impossible to begin with.
I'd love more freedom. I will be 53 by the time youngest 18. ~Then it will all feel too late because i'll be rejected by 'suitors' :-p employers, potential acquaintances...

DisHeartEnd · 02/11/2016 10:09

I tried to imagine how life would be without them now, and my heart sank. So that's your answer.

Hard though it is, there would be such a huge gap if they were gone. So to choose a life with them or without them, is really not a choice. They are the most precious beings on this earth to me!

0SometimesIWonder · 02/11/2016 10:10

Oh yes, and absolutely this;
Now my DCs are grown up, I really wish I had had more than 2

And grandchildren are my reward for being a parent.

2kids2dogsnosense · 02/11/2016 10:10

No.
I seem to bucking a trend here, but nononononono.

I love them. They are wonderful people in their own right, but the worry and anxiety I have suffered (admit that I am one of nature's worries - I can't help it) never stops.

No I would not have children if I had my time over again, and it will not bother me if I don't have grandchildren, though if I do, I know I will love them to bits.

2kids2dogsnosense · 02/11/2016 10:10

No.
I seem to bucking a trend here, but nononononono.

I love them. They are wonderful people in their own right, but the worry and anxiety I have suffered (admit that I am one of nature's worries - I can't help it) never stops.

No I would not have children if I had my time over again, and it will not bother me if I don't have grandchildren, though if I do, I know I will love them to bits.

SpringerS · 02/11/2016 10:11

Yes, I only have one child and will probably not be able to have another but the last 4 years with him have been by far and away the absolute most wonderful and best of my life. I treasure every single moment with him and he just radiates pure joy into my life. I wish he was my third child of four but at the same time, I'm just so bloody grateful to have him.

crje · 02/11/2016 10:11

I'm not sure!

I've never not had kids,first at 20 then 23,26&35

I'd have loved my 20s child free but preferred being a younger parent with younger grandparents.

I hate the teen stage, which has gone on forever Sad

Dd4 has been a fantastic addition but 4 is a lot.

Bumpsadaisie · 02/11/2016 10:12

Yes, definitely. They have brought me a lot of, hm, personal growth.

woodenmouse · 02/11/2016 10:13

Yes definetly but not with my husband. I love him but his job is long hours for little money so we are always broke and he's never home to help with dc which makes it stressful. I love my boys tho and is never change them for anything.

Bubblegum18 · 02/11/2016 10:14

I wish I had started later on as I was 21 and not with my ex.I hate the whole fact DS has a whole different life that I'm not apart of. I love not having to share my other two with another woman.

BumWad · 02/11/2016 10:15

Absolutely!!

Had DS at 32 but spent most of my 20s spending money, travelling, partying and climbing up the career ladder.

He is hard work but brings me so much happiness and joy. It's just amazing watching him grow. He's only 17 months and I would love another!

angus6 · 02/11/2016 10:16

Love them to bits and they are great kids, but no. I didn't realise that I am not a very maternal person until I became a mum.

splendide · 02/11/2016 10:17

I would have answered no for about the first year. Now I have a just turned 2 year old and I am really glad I did it. I love him so much and it's amazing seeing him develop.

I don't think I am going to have another though, partly because on threads like this people often seem happier with one.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 02/11/2016 10:18

DamePastel. As single parents we will literally be working until we drop, 53 is nothing tbh.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/11/2016 10:20

Yes, definately. And ideally I'd have had 3 not 2.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 02/11/2016 10:20

Yes, though I'd possibly change their father. And the timing. But yes, definitely.

Eolian · 02/11/2016 10:20

Yes definitely. I had a hard time post-dc2 with probably undiagnosed pnd, but my dc themselves were easy babies and have so far been easy children too. They are intelligent, well-behaved and good company. I too wish we had a bit more money and freedom, but I wouldn't swap. I also wish I'd had them a little bit younger, but I didn't meet dh until I was nearly 30.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 02/11/2016 10:21

So my answer.

As a kid I was constantly or do it felt told that having kids ruined your life 😐
Had DD1 and thought it was essential she had siblings, didn't love DD2 at all until she was 4 maybe - now she's the only one I'd keep ironically.

I think it's the teen bit, it's rotten.
All of those of you at the begin of the journey, cherish every moment please. The saying the days are long but the years are short is so true

OP posts:
TempusEedjit · 02/11/2016 10:21

This kind of thread always stirs up all kind of emotions in me as my abusive exH robbed me of my child-bearing years, and now as a childless stepmum I have nearly all the limitations of having my own DC but without the unconditional love. And of course it's a major taboo to voice struggles, you inevitably end up being harshly judged. I would definitely not be a step parent again.

gleegeek · 02/11/2016 10:23

Yes I would but I should have had more than our one beautiful dd. I thought I probably couldn't have dc due to pcos and other illnesses. When dd came along unplanned it was wonderful but very hard work as I felt so ill. It hasn't happened for us again and dd is lonely as an only childSad We should have actively sought help to have another child rather than leave it to chance. I'm too old now but dd still says she wants a brother or sister...

maggiethemagpie · 02/11/2016 10:25

Yes. They are hard work but my life would be much poorer without them. It's an honour and a privilege to bring two people into this world and one that in my single years I was not sure I'd ever get the opportunity, so whilst it's also a sacrifice it is worth it, and I think i'd have felt like I'd missed out had I not had kids.

lightupowl · 02/11/2016 10:28

I wish I'd been able to start earlier than late twenties and had one more. Absolutely don't regret it.

OTOH I do resent the fact that my career is shot to pieces (not their fault, obviously). I worry a lot about their future, too, and sometimes wonder whether it was fair to bring them into this world.

CurlyFry · 02/11/2016 10:29

Definitely not.

There are enough people in this world already and although we all see our own as different and unique - they're really not.

I think some people are just meant to be parents and some are not but the pressure on women makes us feel like we're odd to not reproduce so then some do when it might not be the right thing for them.

Ketsby · 02/11/2016 10:29

Not before a career, independent finances, and I'd have gone back to work.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 02/11/2016 10:32

Yes, but I'd have waited a bit, established a career that I could go back to, and had children later. I started at 24, my friends from school are starting 10 years or so after me, which, whilst not ideal fertility-wise, means they've been able to travel a lot, socialise, enjoy having money and freedom etc. I can't honestly say I've particularly enjoyed a holiday since having children - it's more a case of surviving away from home, and not really doing the things you want to do on holiday because you have children with you.

I finished uni at 23 (had a gap year and it was a 4 year course) so only did a job for just over a year and the wages were awful. Now, I'm a self employed music teacher because I can't get an actual job as I have no relevant experience and companies would rather hire a flexible fresh out of university graduate than someone who graduated 10 years ago with little to show for it. I've suffered PND after DC 2 & 3 and that has somewhat taken the shine off parenthood. Plus, a lot of it is grindingly dull. However there are fantastic moments which take your breath away and I wouldn't change those for the world.